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Alie - Monster Catgirl 🏳️‍⚧️

@aliecat.bsky.social

160 followers 260 following 3.2K posts

She/They, neurodivergent (ADHD), trans, aroace, atheist catgirl who isn't a morning person. FFXIV: lvl 100 Miqo'te RDM FFXI: lvl 29 Mithra RDM/WAR Trans rights are metal. HRT: 02/21/24

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Alie - Monster Catgirl 🏳️‍⚧️ @aliecat.bsky.social · 13h

Brains are stupid and I hate them.

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Alie - Monster Catgirl 🏳️‍⚧️ @aliecat.bsky.social · 16h

Again, I love being aroace. I feel like I won the sexuality lottery. But we all have social biases. All i can do is just ask people to try to be more aware of theirs when it comes to things that affect us aces.

Alie - Monster Catgirl 🏳️‍⚧️ @aliecat.bsky.social · 16h

We talk about how being queer is all about love, but the quiet part of that is it's all about romantic love.

And how do you think that feels when you don't experience romantic love?

Alie - Monster Catgirl 🏳️‍⚧️ @aliecat.bsky.social · 16h

The queer community falls prey to amatonormativity just as readily as cishets do, in my experience. Because even queer people treat romantic love as a superior kind of love.

Alie - Monster Catgirl 🏳️‍⚧️ @aliecat.bsky.social · 16h

It is not uncommon to find aces and aros questioning if we qualify as queer, and expressing feeling separated from other queer people. And even I've felt that from time to time and that's with me being very adamant that anyone who leaves aces out of pride is doing pride very wrong.

Alie - Monster Catgirl 🏳️‍⚧️ @aliecat.bsky.social · 16h

And then you have how aces interact with the rest of the LGBT community.

Alie - Monster Catgirl 🏳️‍⚧️ @aliecat.bsky.social · 16h

And don't get me wrong, I can think of a few *very* close friendships where I feel like they hold the same level of platonic love for me as I do for them, but they're still platonic friends and I simply cannot expect them to prioritize me over their romantic relations.

Alie - Monster Catgirl 🏳️‍⚧️ @aliecat.bsky.social · 16h

It's not that I use platonic relationships to replace romantic relationships, it's simply that I don't have anyone I can trust with certain thoughts and feelings.

The issue is that, in my experience, most allos are not emotionally equipped to trust me in the same way.

Alie - Monster Catgirl 🏳️‍⚧️ @aliecat.bsky.social · 16h

Something that sticks with me is when my therapist suggested that it was possible that I use my platonic friends to confide in in a not-too-dissimilar way that allos confide in their partners. And I find it difficult to disagree with this.

Alie - Monster Catgirl 🏳️‍⚧️ @aliecat.bsky.social · 16h

Because when you don't have that connection with a specific person (or people in the case of polyamory), you treat your platonic friends differently than they may treat you.

Alie - Monster Catgirl 🏳️‍⚧️ @aliecat.bsky.social · 16h

It can feel very alienating to watch friends out their relationship with you on the back burner because they're always going to prioritize their romantic relationships. I have lost friendships because of this.

And allos just can't seem to understand how this feels.

Alie - Monster Catgirl 🏳️‍⚧️ @aliecat.bsky.social · 16h

The first exception is one of the guys at my usual Magic table. And he's 15 years younger than I am and from a very different background.

The second is my now-former coworker who I don't even know if I'll ever see again without us having the same workplace.

Alie - Monster Catgirl 🏳️‍⚧️ @aliecat.bsky.social · 16h

It is simply a fact of my life that, with only two exceptions, everyone in my life is alloromantic and allosexual.

Alie - Monster Catgirl 🏳️‍⚧️ @aliecat.bsky.social · 16h

However, while I loved being aroace, it is unfortunately not all sunshine and rainbows.

Alie - Monster Catgirl 🏳️‍⚧️ @aliecat.bsky.social · 16h

I fully believe that I have a stronger love for my platonic friends than I ever would have had if I were allo.

Alie - Monster Catgirl 🏳️‍⚧️ @aliecat.bsky.social · 16h

However, when I got to character creation, I saw the debuffs you get when romantic love goes bad and said "fuck that." Put some points into familial love, then dump the rest right into platonic love.

Alie - Monster Catgirl 🏳️‍⚧️ @aliecat.bsky.social · 16h

Think of it like an RPG character. Most people put most of their points into their "romantic love", then the second largest number of points into "familial love", and finally "platonic love" gets the few points they have to spare.

Alie - Monster Catgirl 🏳️‍⚧️ @aliecat.bsky.social · 16h

This is not to say that I enjoyed not experiencing love, because I absolutely do experience love. Just not all types of love.

Alie - Monster Catgirl 🏳️‍⚧️ @aliecat.bsky.social · 16h

Being aroace feels liberating. I feel free from societal expectations of amatonormativity and that I am immune to the longing allos have for other people. I love the lack of desire for a kind of interaction that society has put so much glob damned baggage on.

I feel beyond those mortal desires.

Alie - Monster Catgirl 🏳️‍⚧️ @aliecat.bsky.social · 16h

Alright, fine, I'll talk about being ace since it's ace week.

I am a sex-indifferent aromantic asexual. And I couldn't be happier about that.

I love being ace. I love being aro. I love that my brain looks at sex and says "eh, I can take it or leave it." I love not having that need.

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Alie - Monster Catgirl 🏳️‍⚧️ @aliecat.bsky.social · 16h

Understandable. No offense was taken. Hope things start looking up for you soon.

Alie - Monster Catgirl 🏳️‍⚧️ @aliecat.bsky.social · 18h

Small note and I doubt it was intentional: thats one too many "l".

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Alie - Monster Catgirl 🏳️‍⚧️ @aliecat.bsky.social · 18h

The nosy part of me is curious of what I missed. The rational part of me is relieved that I missed it.

I'm listening to rational Alie today.

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Alie - Monster Catgirl 🏳️‍⚧️ @aliecat.bsky.social · 18h

I appreciate that this briefly talks about the alloace experience. Too many people just assume aces always mean aroace when we talk about being ace.

And I say that as an aroace who needs to do better on that front herself.

Oh Joy Sex Toy @ohjoysextoy.bsky.social · 3d

What better way to celebrate Asexual Awareness Week than by spillin' the asexualiTEA with @sparklemaia.bsky.social! 1/2
www.ohjoysextoy.com/ace-101-spar...

Ace 101 by sparklemaia, published November 12, 2023 on https://www.ohjoysextoy.com/ace-101-sparklemaia

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Two figures sit in a lavender living room that's very comfy and has lots of cats around. They are drinking tea.

Maia: -and that's why I can't go back like, ever again.

Friend: Completely fair. Speaking of fair: how was the maker faire?

Maia: Rad! That's where I got this sweet hat!

IMAGE: Close-up on Maia's black baseball hat, which has the black, gray, white, and purple-striped Asexuality flag on it.

IMAGE: Friend holding tea mug and talking.

Friend: It's... a pride flag... it's on the tip of my brain- Oh! The asexual flag!

Friend: You posted about being ace in April! Full disclosure: I googled it, but I'm still pretty vague on what asexuality is... I think it's the "A" in LGBTQIA? But I still have, like, so many questions.

Maia: I'd love to be your ace wiki for the day, if you're down?

Friend: Ohh, yes please!

Maia: Great, this is my jam. Let's spill the tea on asexuali-TEA!

Maia: So, what would you say attraction feels like?

Friend: Hmm... I guess it's like a strong pull towards someone?

IMAGE: The friend leans forward to stroke a gray-striped cat that hopped on their table and is walking towards them.

Maia: Totally! But it took some super personal chats with my all- (non-ace) -friends to realize we meant different things when we talked about being into someone. It turns out that attraction- that pull- is made up of different parts.

IMAGE: Another table houses multiple bowls of looseleaf teas, with a sign proclaiming, "Build your own!". Each bowl is labeled differently: Sensual, Romantic, Sexual, Aesthetic

Maia: I've got romantic attraction in spades. It's just that for me, that romantic attraction isn't linked to sexual attraction.

Friend: So, when you feel drawn toward someone, you just don't... have the desire to bone them?

Maia: Pretty much! And that's what asexual means: little to no sexual attraction.

Friend: Hold up... a 'little' bit of sexual attraction still counts as ace?

Maia: Yeah, it's not always an all-or-nothing thing. Some people experience sexual attraction rarely, or only under certain circumstances, or just at very low levels. It's kind of a spectrum.

Friend: I guess that tracks, very few things in life are totally black and white!

Maia (gesturing at the black, gray, white, purple-striped Asexual flag): Exactly. That's what the grey is for. Anyone who feels like they don't totally vibe with a 'typical' allo experience is welcome, even if they're in that grey zone between allo and 'absolute zero' sexual attraction.

Friend: Sounds like there's lots of SPACE- in ACE!

IMAGE: Maia plants the Ace flag on the moon, waving at a rocket (also emblazoned with the ace flag) as it cruises by.

Maia: Haha, yep! My ace experience might not be the same as someone else's, but the label gives us a starting place for finding common ground.

IMAGE: Back in the tea house, the friend observes two cats curled up on a shelf on the wall.

Friend: Something I still don't get: you've talked about crushes and dates and stuff before. Are your dates just Netflix and actual chill?

Maia: Haha, sometimes! But other times I do take it to the bone zone. For me, sex is often about emotional intimacy with my partner. Heck, sometimes I just need to scratch a biological itch, even if my body isn't pointing me towards a specific person to get it done. Plus, for me, it feels good!

Friend: Whoa, you actually... like sex?

Maia: Yeah, there's even a word for it in ace space: sex-favorable. And whether sex favorable, sex-indifferent, or sex-repulsed, all aces are still ace.

IMAGE: Three cats illustrate the different states of asexual sexual interest.
Sex-Favorable cat smiles and approaches a hand to be pet.
Sex-Indifferent cat sits by itself, licking its paw.
Sex-Repulsed cat is all puffed up and hissing.

Alie - Monster Catgirl 🏳️‍⚧️ @aliecat.bsky.social · 18h

And I hope you get there someday. I don't know what it's like to feel that way, but I wish there was more I could do that just give encouragement over social media.