Author | Lightnews

Andi freakin’ Marquette @andimarquette.bsky.social · 1d

Mondays, amirite

Andi freakin’ Marquette @andimarquette.bsky.social · 11d

oh, lordie, y'all. So in this cozy mystery, a suspected murderer is arrested and the trial seems to have happened...within a week? A month? It's unclear. Anybody in the legal system knows that's impossible.

I'll be putting this book in a little free library. Godspeed to the next reader.

Andi freakin’ Marquette @andimarquette.bsky.social · 12d

Edit rant 🧵 and #writetips.

1/ I'm reading a cozy mystery published by a decent-sized house and omg did this thing need a good edit. A skilled edit helps clean up the writing and helps the writer learn. This thing needs some cleanup and the writer needs a bit of help.

1

Andi freakin’ Marquette @andimarquette.bsky.social · 12d

Still trying to get through this cozy mystery and for the 4th time, I've been reminded that Character X is the husband of the MC.

Yeah, you told me that initially on p. 2. I didn't forget.

--sends out a plaintive cry to the editor deities--

Andi freakin’ Marquette @andimarquette.bsky.social · 12d

Edit rant 🧵 and #writetips.

1/ I'm reading a cozy mystery published by a decent-sized house and omg did this thing need a good edit. A skilled edit helps clean up the writing and helps the writer learn. This thing needs some cleanup and the writer needs a bit of help.

1

Andi freakin’ Marquette @andimarquette.bsky.social · 12d

21/ Anyway. Editors are good to have. Skilled editors are even better. And this book would really have benefited from one.

Ah, well. Onward to the next read!

Andi freakin’ Marquette @andimarquette.bsky.social · 12d

20/ So I wonder about this book--because it's, like, 12 in a series and maybe it's doing all right, does the writer not get edited anymore? Just proofread? That's sad if that's the case, because it could be so much stronger and smoother with a skilled edit and readers would get a better story.

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Andi freakin’ Marquette @andimarquette.bsky.social · 12d

19/ A skilled editor would know how to help the writer build tension in a way that isn't clunky or weird--and a lot of times, strong dialogue is a good way to do that and to open possibilities for readers to wonder what's up without an overarching narrator interjecting what to think.

1

Andi freakin’ Marquette @andimarquette.bsky.social · 12d

18/ But the MC makes it seem like this is actually a paranormal cozy mystery with the now consistent chapter endings of "something BAD is coming!" and "My little town is in danger!" (and no, it isn't a paranormal cozy--though it seems to be trying to be one.)

1

Andi freakin’ Marquette @andimarquette.bsky.social · 12d

17/ and it doesn't make a clear connection. Events happen. You can be a little put out by this display by the two dickheads, but the town knows they're dickheads, so they'll just break up the fight and tell them to get lost. No "storm is coming." Even the injury thing isn't indicative of "a storm."

1

Andi freakin’ Marquette @andimarquette.bsky.social · 12d

16/ Based on an argument between 2 dickheads, the entire town is now going to be affected badly?

So then there's a suspicious accident at the festival and one of the assholes is injured. Okay, NOW start wondering about the fight. But the constant "a storm is coming!" is overplaying your hand. ...

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Andi freakin’ Marquette @andimarquette.bsky.social · 12d

15/ And stop the weird hype phrases to build tension.

The book opens at a fall festival and there's some argument between two of the town assholes. Okay, good. Interesting. But like 2 pages after this argument, the main character is all, "something terrible is coming to my small town!"

Really?

1

Andi freakin’ Marquette @andimarquette.bsky.social · 12d

14/ Other things a skilled editor should have caught:

Overuse of certain phrases like "made his/her/their way" over to [wherever or whatever]. I've seen this several times in this book already and I'm only on p. 50. Just say walked. They walked over to the counter or whatever it is.

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Andi freakin’ Marquette @andimarquette.bsky.social · 12d

13/
"Oh, hell. No you didn't." She dissolved into laughter as Jim ordered another beer, chuckling.

See that? Neither of the characters actually said the name of the other as they talked. But this book I'm reading--the characters talk to each other and constantly say each other's names in dialogue.

1

Andi freakin’ Marquette @andimarquette.bsky.social · 12d

12/ (example, cont.)
Jim grinned and finished his beer. "Depends on the day. Fridays, Mavis is baking and those are the rolls worth the break in."
Lisa pursed her lips. "Good point. Greta's doughnuts are good too, though."
"No doughnuts were stolen." He grinned. "Or maybe Stollen."
[keep going...]

1

Andi freakin’ Marquette @andimarquette.bsky.social · 12d

11/ Instead, use action tags:
Lisa took a sip of her margarita and looked at Jim. "I heard there was a robbery at the bakery yesterday."
"Yeah? What'd you hear?"
She shrugged. "Couple hundred bucks taken. And a tray of cinnamon rolls." She snort-laughed. "The rolls are totally worth a robbery."

1

Andi freakin’ Marquette @andimarquette.bsky.social · 12d

10/ A skilled editor should have caught that and cleaned up that dialogue. The constant "name-dropping," if you will--to remind you, the reader, of who is having the conversation--is clunky. And why would a reader have suddenly forgotten who was having the convo? Don't name-drop in dialogue.

1

Andi freakin’ Marquette @andimarquette.bsky.social · 12d

9/ How many of you actually address the person you're talking to by name throughout the course of the conversation? I'm willing to bet it's never to maybe .5 percent of the time.

If the writer has set the scene with some characters, why, then, are characters constantly saying each other's names?

1

Andi freakin’ Marquette @andimarquette.bsky.social · 12d

8/ Back to this cozy mystery. omg, plz stop using character names in a back-and-forth dialogue between 2 people.
"Hey, Lisa, how are you?"
"Fine, Jim. How are you?"
"Well, Lisa, I'm working on a story. Maybe you can help."
"Sure, Jim. How?"

Do you see that?

1

Andi freakin’ Marquette @andimarquette.bsky.social · 12d

7/ I'm a believer in dialogue and character actions as vehicles to reveal plot and backstory. In the books I've written--including series--I spent a lot of time using those as helping readers get up to speed on backstory. I try really hard not to info-dump because that is not a strong suit for me.

1

Andi freakin’ Marquette @andimarquette.bsky.social · 12d

6/ Info-dumping is hard to do well. It can work for spec fic, but it has to be effectively and seamlessly woven into the world-building and character interaction. It should not read like a laundry list of who the characters are and their jobs/quirks.

1

Andi freakin’ Marquette @andimarquette.bsky.social · 12d

5/ See how that works? Thru dialogue, we find out that Jim is a reporter at the local paper. We also find out that he enjoys a beer at the establishment through his answer. A narrator hovering above did not state any of that. The characters revealed it to you.

1

Andi freakin’ Marquette @andimarquette.bsky.social · 12d

4/ By info-dump, I mean something like this: Jim Smith came into the bar. He was a crime reporter for the local newspaper, and enjoyed stopping in for a beer.

Dialogue that shit. "Hey, Jim. Any good crime stories you're digging into at the Pavement Pound?"
"Nah. Give me a pint of the porter."

1

Andi freakin’ Marquette @andimarquette.bsky.social · 12d

3/ E.g. in this book: @ p. 2, author tells reader that character X is a crime reporter for local news source. Don't info-dump that. Reveal it through dialogue: "Hey, X, how goes it? Investigating any good crime stories at The Daily Pavement Pound?"

A few pages later, same info dump. Same wording.

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Andi freakin’ Marquette @andimarquette.bsky.social · 12d

2/ This is not the first book in this series. It's, like, book 12 or something. There are ways to get a reader up to speed if they haven't read any of the other books. Repeating the character names and jobs/other descriptions every 2-3 pages ain't it. Readers aren't dumb. Just tell them once.

1

Andi freakin’ Marquette @andimarquette.bsky.social · 12d

Edit rant 🧵 and #writetips.

1/ I'm reading a cozy mystery published by a decent-sized house and omg did this thing need a good edit. A skilled edit helps clean up the writing and helps the writer learn. This thing needs some cleanup and the writer needs a bit of help.

1 1

Andi freakin’ Marquette @andimarquette.bsky.social · 18d

good fucking gawd

Also, fuck Oracle. And ALLLLL the Ellisons who rode in on it.

Ed Zitron @edzitron.com · 18d

Well, I’ve got some great news. Oracle is building eight buildings (which is considered one data center) full of the GB200 for OpenAI, and the GB200 has negative 100% margins. Oracle is charging $300 billion to OpenAI and this is maybe 30% of that contract. According to Oracle this is good!