Author | Lightnews

Autistic Ang

@autisticang38.bsky.social

120 followers 160 following 300 posts

🧠 Podcaster, Writer and Advocate for Late-Identified Autistic Adults 🐈https://autisticang38.substack.com/ ⬇️ Check out Autism 101! angela-walker-s-school.teachable.com/p/adultautism101

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Autistic Ang @autisticang38.bsky.social · 23h

ODD UPDATE: Earthlings say “no worries” while visibly worrying. Suspect language corrupted or sarcasm firmware installed at birth.

Autistic Ang @autisticang38.bsky.social · 1d

FIELD DATA: Earth-dwellers use “How are you?” as code for “Don’t answer.” Actual answers trigger alarms. Calibration error?

Autistic Ang @autisticang38.bsky.social · 3d

SENSORY REPORT: Humans' birthday parties involve yelling, flashing lights, and spontaneous singing. Celebrating life by simulating hell.

Autistic Ang @autisticang38.bsky.social · 4d

ALIEN ANALYSIS: They touch each other constantly, unsolicited. Shoulder taps. Back pats. Random hugs. It’s like living in a haunted amusement park.

Autistic Ang @autisticang38.bsky.social · 8d

INTERESTING UPDATE: Was told "you'll grow out of it." Earthlings treat maturity as an eraser. They call this hope.

Autistic Ang @autisticang38.bsky.social · 9d

MISSION BRIEFING: Humans love rules. Unless they're social. Then the rules are invisible, change hourly, and no one explains them.

Autistic Ang @autisticang38.bsky.social · 11d

LIE DETECTION: Earthlings use "just be yourself" as a trap. Do not comply. It's a test, and the results will be used against you.

Autistic Ang @autisticang38.bsky.social · 14d

BEHAVIOR REPORT: Witnessed an earthling say “Let’s unpack that.” They proceeded to unpack nothing. Empty suitcase metaphor confirmed.

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Autistic Ang @autisticang38.bsky.social · 15d

Yes!

Autistic Ang @autisticang38.bsky.social · 16d

MISSION REPORT: Dared to express disinterest in small talk. Was labeled “not a people person.” Badge of honor earned.

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Autistic Ang @autisticang38.bsky.social · 16d

SENSORY ALERT: Attended birthday gathering. Volume resembled jet engine mating with a blender. Left after cake.

Autistic Ang @autisticang38.bsky.social · 18d

ALIEN ANALYSIS: Humans shake hands to establish trust. It’s mostly moist and awkward. Trust not detected.

Autistic Ang @autisticang38.bsky.social · 22d

EXPERIMENT LOG: Tried “just popping in to say hi.” Immediate exhaustion. Suspect this phrase opens portals to endless talking.

Autistic Ang @autisticang38.bsky.social · 22d

DISCOVERY ENTRY: Humans touch each other when talking. Shoulder pats, arm grabs, cheek kisses. Boundaries are optional if you're “just being friendly.”

Autistic Ang @autisticang38.bsky.social · 24d

ALIEN SURVIVAL TIP: When overwhelmed, you must still “push through.” Burnout is a badge here. They light themselves on fire to prove they can handle heat.

Autistic Ang @autisticang38.bsky.social · 24d

EXPERIMENT RESULT: Tried blending in by repeating approved Earth scripts: “Haha, totally!” and “What a vibe.” Was accepted into temporary tribe. Felt dirty.

Autistic Ang @autisticang38.bsky.social · 27d

DATA INTERRUPTION: Witnessed humans cry over an animal commercial but walk past real suffering with their faces in their phones. Empathy distribution unclear.

Autistic Ang @autisticang38.bsky.social · 29d

ODD OBSERVATION: Earth dwellers pretend they love brunch. Nothing says joy like screaming babies, mimosa hangovers, and thirty-dollar pancakes. This is considered "self-care."

Autistic Ang @autisticang38.bsky.social · Oct 1

FIELD OBSERVATION: Humans gather in loud echo chambers called "offices" to say nothing via words like "circling back" and "touching base." No touching occurred.

Autistic Ang @autisticang38.bsky.social · Sep 30

MISSION UPDATE: Maintaining eye contact is crucial unless it's too much, then you're a psychopath. No eye contact makes you shady. Conclusion: look at their left eyebrow and pray.

Autistic Ang @autisticang38.bsky.social · Sep 29

FIELD OBSERVATION: Earthlings created a concept called networking, where strangers pretend to like each other in exchange for imaginary ladders.

Autistic Ang @autisticang38.bsky.social · Sep 25

RECON LOG: Restaurant noise ranked "atmospheric." That's like calling meteor showers "confetti." I dined in the parking lot and tipped my inner ear.

Autistic Ang @autisticang38.bsky.social · Sep 24

ALIEN ANALYSIS: Workplaces reward those who appear busy. Efficiency without theatrics considered suspicious. Will now type louder.

Autistic Ang @autisticang38.bsky.social · Sep 23

COVERT MEMO: Performance review praised my "calm demeanor," then penalized my supposed "lack of enthusiasm." Humans want fireworks that never burn anything. I'm not a sparkler, I'm a power grid.

Autistic Ang @autisticang38.bsky.social · Sep 22

OBSERVATION LOG 19B: They use the word "should" like a cattle prod. "You should smile more." "You should go out." No, I should not.