I can’t wait to get back to Chicago and watch Black Phone 2 in theaters

Devastating and accurate read here, extremely funny. Perhaps delusional to think I’d attract any eyes in the first place, but I took “[redacted] contributor” out of my Twitter bio because it’s a glowing red weakpoint

My life was over the moment I wasn’t born the son of a son of a glassblower

you can say anything you want online with no repercussions btw

I’m #winning tsa check in

is “hey man, it’s been a minute, how’ve you been?” too much to ask for

Can’t decide if I should be More or Less insane on this app

the thing about poop is that it typically comes out of a butt

Zuckerberg has enlisted the help of dozens, perhaps hundreds, hirsute men with heaving, sweaty racks on his wretched platform “instagram” as part of his campaign of psychological warfare against me

It really psychologically affected me when Obama made Kal Penn’s character on House kill himself

people have suggested I become an English teacher but I don’t want to b/c I’m worried going to grad school will turn me straight (many such cases) and I can’t handle that pivot at this point in my life for many reasons including that, according to my friend, there’s “no kissing” in straight porn