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Swamp Witch 🍂🍁

@beneathhergaze.bsky.social

3.8K followers 180 following 13K posts

Witch, wordsmith, midwife of emotions. Terminally online, vehemently anti-AI. DCTID. Always follows the #1 Rule of the Casual Criminalist. Any mansplaining incurs a fee of $50. Unblocking fee $100. "If you don't want to be in a poem, don't fuck a poet."

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Swamp Witch 🍂🍁 @beneathhergaze.bsky.social · Mar 6

I don't do automatic follow 4 follow: some of y'all post like you're two seconds from either a grippy sock vacation or lacing up your Nike Decades and I am trying to preserve my sanity and peace here by cultivating my feeds. It's nothing personal.

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Swamp Witch 🍂🍁 @beneathhergaze.bsky.social · 45m

I do have some regrets about getting a flu shot on an empty stomach tho, that was perhaps Not Great

Swamp Witch 🍂🍁 @beneathhergaze.bsky.social · 50m

No matter how much everything is the way it is, I will always love and put my faith in the efforts of community. They will never take that from me.

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Swamp Witch 🍂🍁 @beneathhergaze.bsky.social · 1h

Vaccinated! At the Farmers' Market

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Swamp Witch 🍂🍁 @beneathhergaze.bsky.social · 1h

This mf writes a whole whiteboard full of bullshit when literally it's just

"be kind and a little goofy sometimes"
"gas up your girl*"
"be an interesting person with your own sense of self"

Beans, Frightening Bleeble 🫀🎃 @flawlessangel.bsky.social · 5h

idk why the youtube algo fed me this but i can't describe how scary & weird it is being a woman knowing these freaks are doing presentations on how to understand & conquer us like. we are just people. have you tried being fucking normal. i will never get used to society being like this

a man stood in front of a whiteboard that is just covered in loads of text because he's solved the 'woman' conspiracy he looks like a meme

Swamp Witch 🍂🍁 @beneathhergaze.bsky.social · 10h

(DCFC's playoff contention is in absolute fuckin peril rn and it's the last regular home game of the season, so 😬)

Swamp Witch 🍂🍁 @beneathhergaze.bsky.social · 10h

Anyway today will be DCFC and Sunday is the Loins so for the love of God, the two of them better BOTH redeem Detroit sports or I'm gonna shit

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Swamp Witch 🍂🍁 @beneathhergaze.bsky.social · 10h

Now I am very torn between supporting the Mariners because I hope their Etsy witch continues to do her thing, the Blue Jays bc I like both Canada and blue jays, or neither because the lore is a laugh and all but also fuck baseball

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Swamp Witch 🍂🍁 @beneathhergaze.bsky.social · 10h

I have been home nearly an hour and the entire time I've been watching @deamonsinfloors.bsky.social pace the floors & chain-smoke like a 1940s cartoon dad wearing a trench into the waiting room floor while his wife gives birth

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Swamp Witch 🍂🍁 @beneathhergaze.bsky.social · 11h

I have a very distinct memory of watching my now-ex crying in the middle of the Monroe B-Dubs in 2012 when the Tigers shat the bed at the World Series and I just never imagined I would need to care about any of this again for any reason

Swamp Witch 🍂🍁 @beneathhergaze.bsky.social · 12h

I hate baseball, barely understand it, and even I turned the radio on to listen bc hometown pride lmao

Swamp Witch 🍂🍁 @beneathhergaze.bsky.social · 11h

I kinda imagine at this point your smart watch heart rate monitor just straight up looks like Charlie Brown's t-shirt

Swamp Witch 🍂🍁 @beneathhergaze.bsky.social · 11h

The grocery was legit bordering on abandoned when I went around 10:45pm lol

Swamp Witch 🍂🍁 @beneathhergaze.bsky.social · 11h

I stopped listening to the radio tho bc I don't understand enough to know when something significant has happened 😭

Swamp Witch 🍂🍁 @beneathhergaze.bsky.social · 11h

I have little to no skin in this game tbh but I obv want the Tigers to win

bsky.app/profile/bene...

Swamp Witch 🍂🍁 @beneathhergaze.bsky.social · 12h

I hate baseball, barely understand it, and even I turned the radio on to listen bc hometown pride lmao

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Swamp Witch 🍂🍁 @beneathhergaze.bsky.social · 11h

I see everyone is having a very normal night here on the Blue Skies

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Swamp Witch 🍂🍁 @beneathhergaze.bsky.social · 11h

Whom amongst us

Reposted by Swamp Witch 🍂🍁

Meg Rowley @megrowler.fangraphs.com · 5d

neutral fan watching the Tigers/Mariners series: wow, these games! so tense! what fun!
Tigers/Mariners fans watching the Tigers/Mariners series: I have eaten a great deal of my own hair.

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Swamp Witch 🍂🍁 @beneathhergaze.bsky.social · 12h

I hate baseball, barely understand it, and even I turned the radio on to listen bc hometown pride lmao

Swamp Witch 🍂🍁 @beneathhergaze.bsky.social · 13h

I saw a convertible in Troy once that had the license plate "ENNUI".

Swamp Witch 🍂🍁 @beneathhergaze.bsky.social · 13h

a black and white photo of a person in a dark room

Alt: Sepia-toned GIF from the video game series Thief depicting the main character Garrett gazing out a window. Garrett is a one-eyed thief in a hooded cloak with a hard, suspicious look on his face.

media.tenor.com

Swamp Witch 🍂🍁 @beneathhergaze.bsky.social · 14h

He could be chasing his tail and still somehow lose it

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Swamp Witch 🍂🍁 @beneathhergaze.bsky.social · 14h

My sister's boy cat apparently ate a chicken bone and either choked on it or threw it up so she had to take him to the vet for X-rays to make sure he hadn't eaten bone fragments or something

One of two screenshots of a text message between OP and their sister. Convo goes as follows:

Sister: "I mean shout out to him for *not* needing a $6000 emergency so thanks little buddy"
OP: "Peak orange cat nonsense, let's be real

He cannot deny his nature"
Sister: "YUP"
OP: "The one brain cell was on loan to someone else that day"
Sister: "He never gets a turn tbh"

The second of two screenshots of a text message between OP and their sister. Convo goes as follows:

OP: "Boy Cat's on the hold list for the one brain cell like a fuckin Hoopla/Libby e-book and he just keeps getting moved down the list"
Sister: "'About 23 weeks wait'"

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Swamp Witch 🍂🍁 @beneathhergaze.bsky.social · 19h

So was I 🤢

Swamp Witch 🍂🍁 @beneathhergaze.bsky.social · 20h

Angelika just took a violent liquid shit that was so vile and foul-smelling that she then turned around and vomited on the floor after she was done

She's really nailed the nuances of the current zeitgeist, huh

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Swamp Witch 🍂🍁 @beneathhergaze.bsky.social · 20h

I try to get work done for like 4 hours and everything somehow gets worse

Swamp Witch 🍂🍁 @beneathhergaze.bsky.social · 20h

🫠

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