i would love to have a pet sturgeon. i’d set the tank up in the living room so i could pet it while watching tv like a puppy

saw a sailboat in the harbor today with a “jesus is lord” flag directly above an israeli flag and i actually said out loud on the bus “noooo not the christian zionist boat”

companies trying to eliminate the jobs of cashiers has made the experience of buying anything so much worse it’s insane. up there with locking up deodorant. who knew a profoundly anti-human strategy wouldn’t provide a good experience for actual humans

i get 2 dozen cage free organic eggs a month for free through wic and my kids aren’t that into them so i could easily be making and extra $10 a month if it weren’t very illegal

it’s a great time to be both allergic to eggs and nauseated by the smell of coffee :)

it’s super high in b12 and omega 3 as well as vitamin D. also it’s just really tasty you can’t beat a nice canned fatty fish

i got some routine labs today but forgot i had to give them some pee as well as blood and i ate a bunch of beets last night so the tech is going to have fun with that one

people who claim to have trypophobia (fake) are feebleminded and also missing out on the most beautiful things on this earth

i made it so long ago i had to just look now what i made my username and lol. not sure what i was thinking but i do think about the cloaca a lot

forgot about this place

every time i open this app and see an old meme/viral tweet from twitter i get so annoyed i feel like smashing my phone. get some new material losers!!!

inadvertently picked the hottest week of the year to visit my family in texas. extremely grateful for central air

work in progress

i’ve got a roll of dog poop bags easy access for pukes or poops or other disasters, clothes for all 3 of us for a week in a backpack and carryon, planned extreme ease of getting through security, entertainment and snacks, wipes and rags galore (with wet bag), planned for most worst case scenarios

moms who are amazing at packing minimalist bags for a longish trip for 2+ kids and themselves (alone) are logistical masterminds. we should be in charge of every industry post revolution

my friend ate a june bug that was in the pool after 1 of these. not even on a dare just thought it would be funny

thought i had been infested with alien worms once but it was just from eating a lot of seaweed salad

had a dream i met zuckerberg but he looked completely different and he offered to give me a pedicure

they also think for some reason that a breastfeeding mother needs 5 gallons of 1% milk a month

i just got approved for WIC today and my baby gets 31 jars of “infant meat” a month, all of which the online reviews say “perfect for sick cats!” and “my elderly chihuahua loves these”

these guys decimated my parsley last year but they’re such pretty butterflies i was like ok fine parsley isnt a great herb anyway

my child who dips blueberries in mustard and says it’s delicious also has the worlds most expensive tastes when it comes to peanut butter and jams

toddler immediately could tell that i used a much less expensive generic brand peanut butter on her toast and she hated it