Paula - Defend Survivors
@defendsurvivors.bsky.social
130 followers 74 following 650 posts
✨ Activist for abuse/trauma survivors Fierce advocate & proud mom | Adoptee | Blog https://open.substack.com/pub/defendsurvivors 🛍️ Worthy & Wonderful Shop https://worthywonderfulshop.etsy.com
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defendsurvivors.bsky.social
Adoption does not mean the child will have a better life just a different one. For many of us different did not mean better. #adopteevoices
defendsurvivors.bsky.social
Having to ‘walk on eggshells’ to avoid upsetting someone is a sign of an abusive relationship. Many adoptees feel this way when dealing with their adoptive parents and their biological families. That’s abuse not love. #adopteevoices
defendsurvivors.bsky.social
If an adoptive parents gets upset when their adopted child talks about, spends time with, or looks for their biological family - that’s coercive control not love. #coercivecontrol #adopteevoices
defendsurvivors.bsky.social
Did you know that adoptees have two birth certificates — the original and a fake one? When states seal our original birth certificates, they’re not protecting anyone. They’re hiding the truth. Everyone has a right to their identity. #adopteerights

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defendsurvivors.bsky.social
Perpetrators try to use the family preservation movement to further their access to abuse their children. But it’s the exact opposite. Family preservation means protecting children from abusers. Anyone that abuses their child is a perpetrator not a parent. #familypreservation
defendsurvivors.bsky.social
“One person did know I was adopted that wasn’t supposed to know, and she’s the person who called me that day. Everyone was furious with her for ‘hurting’ me by telling me the truth, but they never acknowledged how much they hurt me by lying to me” #adoptee open.substack.com/pub/defendsu...
My Adoption Journey As A Late Discovery Adoptee
I can’t describe how devastating and traumatic it is to not only learn you are adopted, but also that you’ve been lied to your whole life.
open.substack.com
defendsurvivors.bsky.social
You have the right to write about your story without having the “I’ve forgiven” “I’ve healed” or “I’m a better person because of it” - none of that is needed. Your story and your pain matters. You don’t have to put a shiny ending to it for it to matter. #youmatter
defendsurvivors.bsky.social
Adoptive parents always say they love their adopted child like their own but if they truly did then they would care about that child knowing their identity and biological family just like the parents would with their biological children. #adopteevoices
defendsurvivors.bsky.social
Children in need of external care need people to come into their life who respect them - not pity them. No one should agree to care for a child because they feel sorry for them. Children don’t need ‘pity parents’ - that creates a debt the child never owed. #adopteevoices
defendsurvivors.bsky.social
The first thing my uncle said to me when I met him was that a few years later they regretted what happened and “would never have given that baby away” and would’ve found a way to work it out. That meant so much to me. Adoption is a permanent solution to a temporary problem. #adopteevoices
defendsurvivors.bsky.social
I got to spend the most wonderful week with my mom living in her house. I feel like I got to live my ‘ghost kingdom’ and it was beautiful.
#adopteevoices
defendsurvivors.bsky.social
“Your light may irritate a lot of unhealed people” …or your self righteousness may irritate everyone.

Please stop using ‘healing messages’ to pit survivors against each other.
#respectsurvivors
defendsurvivors.bsky.social
“After abuse and trauma, it seems like everyone suddenly believes they are the expert—on abuse, on trauma, on what you should have done, and on what you should do now. But the truth is, they don’t. Their advice comes from their own perspective—not yours.“

open.substack.com/pub/defendsu...
defendsurvivors.bsky.social
The Baby Scoop Era: When Shame Stole Our Mothers
Between 1945–1973, up to 4 million babies were taken from unmarried mothers, shamed and silenced by families, faith, and society. We are not a shame. We are the truth they tried to hide. #BabyScoopEra
open.substack.com/pub/defendsu...
defendsurvivors.bsky.social
“We are not a shame. Our mothers are not a shame. The shame belongs to the families, religious institutions, and systems that failed them.”
#babyscoopera #adopteevoices
open.substack.com/pub/defendsu...
defendsurvivors.bsky.social
We need to stop excusing the heinous actions of perpetrators with ‘hurt people, hurt people’ and instead realize that cruel people enjoy being cruel.
#perpetrator101
defendsurvivors.bsky.social
People love to tell adoptees who their ‘parent’ is.
People love to tell survivors that “they’re still your parent”
Your family are the people that love, stand up for you, and protect you. No one has the right to tell you who that is. #bloodisnotthickerthanabuse
#adoptiontrauma
defendsurvivors.bsky.social
So many stories from the Baby Scoop Era of fathers telling their young pregnant daughters not to bring their shame home. But those babies grew up and thanks to DNA we are on the family tree and we are reassigning the shame to them for not protecting their daughter and grandchild. #babyscoopera
defendsurvivors.bsky.social
I hurt myself, my children, and my mother with a misplaced sense of responsibility to my adoptive family that ended up lying to me my whole life. If you’re an adoptee, your adoptive family should be the first people making sure you know your family and identity. #adopteevoices
defendsurvivors.bsky.social
If an adoptee is afraid to look for their family because it may hurt their adoptive parents then they are in a controlling relationship - not a loving one. If the adoptive parents love the child they care about them knowing their family, heritage, and identity and never hide it.
defendsurvivors.bsky.social
“Whenever I hear someone say, “They just don’t want to heal,” I always think, “Well, now we know why they are struggling.” This kind of judgment is not care; it’s control dressed up as concern.”

open.substack.com/pub/defendsu...
defendsurvivors.bsky.social
It’s the worst thing to feel that you being around your child hurts them. It’s cruel to tell a mother that her child is better off without her just because she’s not married or lacking resources. It’s no wonder suicide rates are so high for mothers coerced into relinquishment.
defendsurvivors.bsky.social
In the adoption narrative you always hear that a child needs a ‘two parent home’ or a ‘mother and father’ but no one talks about how many adoptive homes end in divorce and/or domestic abuse.
#domesticabuseawarenessmonth #adoptiontrauma