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Paula - Defend Survivors @defendsurvivors.bsky.social · 9h

New blog!
“Family preservation means caring for children and keeping loving families together — not harming children by enabling their abuser.”

open.substack.com/pub/defendsu...

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Paula - Defend Survivors @defendsurvivors.bsky.social · 22h

Forgiveness is often touted as a humble act of grace but many actually use it to feel superior and ‘more evolved’.

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Paula - Defend Survivors @defendsurvivors.bsky.social · 1d

Adoption does not mean the child will have a better life just a different one. For many of us different did not mean better. #adopteevoices

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Paula - Defend Survivors @defendsurvivors.bsky.social · 1d

Having to ‘walk on eggshells’ to avoid upsetting someone is a sign of an abusive relationship. Many adoptees feel this way when dealing with their adoptive parents and their biological families. That’s abuse not love. #adopteevoices

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Paula - Defend Survivors @defendsurvivors.bsky.social · 1d

If an adoptive parents gets upset when their adopted child talks about, spends time with, or looks for their biological family - that’s coercive control not love. #coercivecontrol #adopteevoices

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Paula - Defend Survivors @defendsurvivors.bsky.social · 1d

Did you know that adoptees have two birth certificates — the original and a fake one? When states seal our original birth certificates, they’re not protecting anyone. They’re hiding the truth. Everyone has a right to their identity. #adopteerights

youtube.com/shorts/etQzM...

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Paula - Defend Survivors @defendsurvivors.bsky.social · 1d

Perpetrators try to use the family preservation movement to further their access to abuse their children. But it’s the exact opposite. Family preservation means protecting children from abusers. Anyone that abuses their child is a perpetrator not a parent. #familypreservation

Paula - Defend Survivors @defendsurvivors.bsky.social · 2d

“One person did know I was adopted that wasn’t supposed to know, and she’s the person who called me that day. Everyone was furious with her for ‘hurting’ me by telling me the truth, but they never acknowledged how much they hurt me by lying to me” #adoptee open.substack.com/pub/defendsu...

My Adoption Journey As A Late Discovery Adoptee

I can’t describe how devastating and traumatic it is to not only learn you are adopted, but also that you’ve been lied to your whole life.

open.substack.com

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Paula - Defend Survivors @defendsurvivors.bsky.social · 3d

You have the right to write about your story without having the “I’ve forgiven” “I’ve healed” or “I’m a better person because of it” - none of that is needed. Your story and your pain matters. You don’t have to put a shiny ending to it for it to matter. #youmatter

Paula - Defend Survivors @defendsurvivors.bsky.social · 3d

Adoptive parents always say they love their adopted child like their own but if they truly did then they would care about that child knowing their identity and biological family just like the parents would with their biological children. #adopteevoices

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Paula - Defend Survivors @defendsurvivors.bsky.social · 3d

Children in need of external care need people to come into their life who respect them - not pity them. No one should agree to care for a child because they feel sorry for them. Children don’t need ‘pity parents’ - that creates a debt the child never owed. #adopteevoices

Paula - Defend Survivors @defendsurvivors.bsky.social · 5d

The first thing my uncle said to me when I met him was that a few years later they regretted what happened and “would never have given that baby away” and would’ve found a way to work it out. That meant so much to me. Adoption is a permanent solution to a temporary problem. #adopteevoices

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Paula - Defend Survivors @defendsurvivors.bsky.social · 5d

I got to spend the most wonderful week with my mom living in her house. I feel like I got to live my ‘ghost kingdom’ and it was beautiful.
#adopteevoices

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Paula - Defend Survivors @defendsurvivors.bsky.social · 5d

“Your light may irritate a lot of unhealed people” …or your self righteousness may irritate everyone.

Please stop using ‘healing messages’ to pit survivors against each other.
#respectsurvivors

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Paula - Defend Survivors @defendsurvivors.bsky.social · 6d

“After abuse and trauma, it seems like everyone suddenly believes they are the expert—on abuse, on trauma, on what you should have done, and on what you should do now. But the truth is, they don’t. Their advice comes from their own perspective—not yours.“

open.substack.com/pub/defendsu...

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Paula - Defend Survivors @defendsurvivors.bsky.social · 6d

The Baby Scoop Era: When Shame Stole Our Mothers
Between 1945–1973, up to 4 million babies were taken from unmarried mothers, shamed and silenced by families, faith, and society. We are not a shame. We are the truth they tried to hide. #BabyScoopEra
open.substack.com/pub/defendsu...

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Paula - Defend Survivors @defendsurvivors.bsky.social · 8d

“We are not a shame. Our mothers are not a shame. The shame belongs to the families, religious institutions, and systems that failed them.”
#babyscoopera #adopteevoices
open.substack.com/pub/defendsu...

Paula - Defend Survivors @defendsurvivors.bsky.social · 8d

We need to stop excusing the heinous actions of perpetrators with ‘hurt people, hurt people’ and instead realize that cruel people enjoy being cruel.
#perpetrator101

Paula - Defend Survivors @defendsurvivors.bsky.social · 9d

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Paula - Defend Survivors @defendsurvivors.bsky.social · 9d

People love to tell adoptees who their ‘parent’ is.
People love to tell survivors that “they’re still your parent”
Your family are the people that love, stand up for you, and protect you. No one has the right to tell you who that is. #bloodisnotthickerthanabuse
#adoptiontrauma

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Paula - Defend Survivors @defendsurvivors.bsky.social · 9d

“Your pain deserves justice, not debate.”

open.substack.com/pub/defendsu...

Paula - Defend Survivors @defendsurvivors.bsky.social · 10d

So many stories from the Baby Scoop Era of fathers telling their young pregnant daughters not to bring their shame home. But those babies grew up and thanks to DNA we are on the family tree and we are reassigning the shame to them for not protecting their daughter and grandchild. #babyscoopera

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Paula - Defend Survivors @defendsurvivors.bsky.social · 10d

I hurt myself, my children, and my mother with a misplaced sense of responsibility to my adoptive family that ended up lying to me my whole life. If you’re an adoptee, your adoptive family should be the first people making sure you know your family and identity. #adopteevoices

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Paula - Defend Survivors @defendsurvivors.bsky.social · 10d

If an adoptee is afraid to look for their family because it may hurt their adoptive parents then they are in a controlling relationship - not a loving one. If the adoptive parents love the child they care about them knowing their family, heritage, and identity and never hide it.

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Paula - Defend Survivors @defendsurvivors.bsky.social · 10d

“Whenever I hear someone say, “They just don’t want to heal,” I always think, “Well, now we know why they are struggling.” This kind of judgment is not care; it’s control dressed up as concern.”

open.substack.com/pub/defendsu...