Author | Lightnews

EJ Montijo @ejinthecloud.bsky.social · 6h

Nobody wants to work anymore. Including me. That's why I've decided to become an elected official.

Vote for me, I won't do anything, and I have zero expectations of anyone else.

EJ Montijo @ejinthecloud.bsky.social · 1d

I’ve never seen gallade in my LIFE! Though, my Pokédex since Yellow has been shamefully empty.

The rest of my Pokéknowledge is all secondhand via memes.

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EJ Montijo @ejinthecloud.bsky.social · 1d

Oh shit i didn’t realize they gender swapped Gardevoir

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EJ Montijo @ejinthecloud.bsky.social · 1d

I will not be voting for Zohran Mamdani today.

The election was yesterday, and I don't live in New York.

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EJ Montijo @ejinthecloud.bsky.social · 2d

This morning I was looking at the Mexican hairless dog Xoloitzcuintle (show-low-eets-QUEEN-tlee, often shortened to "Xolo," pronounced show-low)

Regional accent makes sh- sound like ch-.

y'all, I think cholo just means "you look like a dog" PLEASE say I'm wrong 😂🇲🇽

Xoloitzcuintle, a Mexican hairless dog, stares into the camera over a white background. Photo courtesy AKC

EJ Montijo @ejinthecloud.bsky.social · 3d

Grocery prices aren't high
Even if they are, they're not that high.
And if they are, that's not a big deal.
And if it is, that's not this administration's fault.
And if it is, it's an unfortunate consequence of making America great.
And if America isn't great, it doesn't deserve to be.

EJ Montijo @ejinthecloud.bsky.social · 7d

January 6th was a hoax.
Even if it did happen, it wasn't that bad.
And if it was, that's not a big deal.
And if it is, that's not Trump's fault.
And if it is, he didn't mean it.
And if he did, America deserved it.

EJ Montijo @ejinthecloud.bsky.social · 22d

The Young Republicans Telegram chat doesn't exist.
And if it did, it isn't that bad.
And if it is, that's not a big deal.
And if it is, that's not their fault.
And if it was, they didn't mean it.
And if they did, those groups deserved it.

EJ Montijo @ejinthecloud.bsky.social · 6d

Why does this sound like a Hozier song

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EJ Montijo @ejinthecloud.bsky.social · 6d

Only a half gallon of chili? Never mind, I'm canceling my RSVP.

EJ Montijo @ejinthecloud.bsky.social · 7d

January 6th was a hoax.
Even if it did happen, it wasn't that bad.
And if it was, that's not a big deal.
And if it is, that's not Trump's fault.
And if it is, he didn't mean it.
And if he did, America deserved it.

EJ Montijo @ejinthecloud.bsky.social · 22d

The Young Republicans Telegram chat doesn't exist.
And if it did, it isn't that bad.
And if it is, that's not a big deal.
And if it is, that's not their fault.
And if it was, they didn't mean it.
And if they did, those groups deserved it.

EJ Montijo @ejinthecloud.bsky.social · 23d

The Epstein files don't exist.
And if they did, they aren't that bad.
And if they are, that's not a big deal.
And if it is, that's not my fault.
And if it was, I didn't mean it.
And if I did, the victims deserved it.

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EJ Montijo @ejinthecloud.bsky.social · 15d

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EJ Montijo @ejinthecloud.bsky.social · 16d

The ideal beach body is the ability to transform, completely, into a beach.

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EJ Montijo @ejinthecloud.bsky.social · 16d

NFTs are great when you're rich and want to purchase the rights to a digital token that potentially represents something else but is in no way guaranteed or insured to be anything other than a glorified text file.

Or if you're doing crimes! Then they're a great investment.

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EJ Montijo @ejinthecloud.bsky.social · 17d

It's important to inject your children with the woke mind virus at a young age to prevent it from escalating into brain worms as an adult.

EJ Montijo @ejinthecloud.bsky.social · 17d

Just born this way I guess but thanks for the compliment

A handsome knight brandishing a gleaming sword and matching smile

EJ Montijo @ejinthecloud.bsky.social · 17d

One aspect of capitalism that I abhor is the sheer volume of food waste generated by food service, exacerbated by the hoarding of what is, supposedly, trash.

We have the means to end starvation around the world, it's just not a profitable enterprise.

EJ Montijo @ejinthecloud.bsky.social · 22d

The Young Republicans Telegram chat doesn't exist.
And if it did, it isn't that bad.
And if it is, that's not a big deal.
And if it is, that's not their fault.
And if it was, they didn't mean it.
And if they did, those groups deserved it.

EJ Montijo @ejinthecloud.bsky.social · 23d

The Epstein files don't exist.
And if they did, they aren't that bad.
And if they are, that's not a big deal.
And if it is, that's not my fault.
And if it was, I didn't mean it.
And if I did, the victims deserved it.

EJ Montijo @ejinthecloud.bsky.social · 24d

Project 2025 doesn't exist.
And if it did, it isn't that bad.
And if it is, that's not a big deal.
And if it is, that's not my fault.
And if it was, I didn't mean it.
And if I did, you deserved it.

EJ Montijo @ejinthecloud.bsky.social · 23d

The Epstein files don't exist.
And if they did, they aren't that bad.
And if they are, that's not a big deal.
And if it is, that's not my fault.
And if it was, I didn't mean it.
And if I did, the victims deserved it.

EJ Montijo @ejinthecloud.bsky.social · 24d

Project 2025 doesn't exist.
And if it did, it isn't that bad.
And if it is, that's not a big deal.
And if it is, that's not my fault.
And if it was, I didn't mean it.
And if I did, you deserved it.

EJ Montijo @ejinthecloud.bsky.social · 24d

Project 2025 doesn't exist.
And if it did, it isn't that bad.
And if it is, that's not a big deal.
And if it is, that's not my fault.
And if it was, I didn't mean it.
And if I did, you deserved it.

EJ Montijo @ejinthecloud.bsky.social · Oct 7

Beer and video games are very similar. The popular ones are over-hyped and underwhelming, you have to endure a majority of awful experiences to find the ones you like...

...And after you've finally found one you like, BAM... Alcoholism.

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EJ Montijo @ejinthecloud.bsky.social · Oct 7

Train wreck can be horrible, still hard to look away!

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EJ Montijo @ejinthecloud.bsky.social · Oct 7

Hey Bluesky, how are you today? I hope you have an excellent day, filled with hope and love. And if you can't, I hope Eldritch horrors beyond comprehension swiftly strike down your enemies.

EJ Montijo @ejinthecloud.bsky.social · Oct 3

Government shutdowns should be like ring-out disqualification in wrestling. 10 days off the mat, we reroll the government.

EJ Montijo @ejinthecloud.bsky.social · Sep 16

I've decided to start a troupe of ghosts, goblins, ghouls, and other creatures of the night. Our primary goal will be to bring moral awareness and spiritual awakening to those who haven't had the privilege of facing life-threatening hardship. Terror is an experience the lower class shouldn't hoard.

EJ Montijo @ejinthecloud.bsky.social · Sep 7

Once this is all over, once the chips have fallen, once the dictatorship has ended, I hope people remember how tech company CEOs have fellated Donald Trump. They are not only complicit in his administration, they are directly funding his actions. Your content, their platform, everyone's genocide

Reposted by EJ Montijo

Halstead - Move fast and fix things. @hommestead.bsky.social · Aug 27

it took 3 episodes to get there, but ep 4 of Alien Earth FINALLY feels like a Noah Hawley show. Up 'til now it's been good, even if nostalgia bait isn't my jam. But with that last shot the franchise feels full of possibilities in ways it hasn't since... 1986?

#alien #filmsky #alienearth

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