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Melvin 🫧

@goldlighter.bsky.social

78 followers 36 following 310 posts

my slightly more unhinged personal account! 20, He/Him, main @sodalighter.bsky.social sys members sometimes talk here too @thechariotcard.bsky.social , @thedevilcard.bsky.social , @thetoxicdistrict.bsky.social (main fronters personal accs)

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Melvin 🫧 @goldlighter.bsky.social · 2d

starting a digital sketchbook... i need to stop being afraid of failure in art ong. i think im gonna try to do a sketchpage for all my toxicsonas n junk

Melvin 🫧 @goldlighter.bsky.social · 2d

seeing ppl use incest as a funny joke is like so gross for me but trying to speak back abt it is near impossible. people are so fucking frustrating and inconsiderate sometimes its insane

Melvin 🫧 @goldlighter.bsky.social · 2d

its so fucking annoying like for me it completely altered my ability to express any kind of outward care to my family/drastically changed my relationships and other stuff and its literally so fucking hard to deal w but nah people looove to be like "THERES WORSE THINGS" like be fucking fr.

Melvin 🫧 @goldlighter.bsky.social · 2d

being someone who has dealt with trauma like such. its so irritating how people downplay incest and how fucking awful it is. like genuinely people have issues

Melvin 🫧 @goldlighter.bsky.social · 3d

little worried my head keeps jumping back to self termination as a passive thought but im sure its fine and normal

Reposted by Melvin 🫧

Melvin ⚠️ @sodalighter.bsky.social · 4d

New yornch ref; owned by @wolfanize.bsky.social <3
#toxicsona #wasteofwater

Reposted by Melvin 🫧

Logi🪷 @pyrelogi.bsky.social · 7d

The 6th of October marks the 1 year anniversary of #wasteofwater! This campaign has become very near and dear to my heart and I love experiencing its story alongside my friends
In celebration, I’ve created a Ghet animatic!
CW: Violence, gore, death
Contains flashing lights

youtu.be/D_J10eUXO0E?...

SPOKEN FOR - DnD Character Animatic

YouTube video by Logi

Reposted by Melvin 🫧

💫De✨ @detheweird1.bsky.social · 8d

Ive been dead for a bit, but heres some shitpost art i made in like ten minutes of the WOW gang #wasteofwater #cesspitdnd

Clem being an honorary party member for a dungeon

Melvin 🫧 @goldlighter.bsky.social · 10d

i allow myself to get used and after i get angry but i have no right to be angry. i put myself in the position to be used by people and I complied. i hate when i comply, i wish i would thrash like a hurt animal, but i never do. i want to be good so bad, i want people to like me, thats all i want

Melvin 🫧 @goldlighter.bsky.social · 10d

isn't sticking to who you are, your beliefs, what you thinks right- supposed to be fulfilling? like you feel pride because you stuck to your beliefs? why is it when I do it it's only ever made me hate myself more? i don't understand, I have no satisfaction with being myself anymore.

Melvin 🫧 @goldlighter.bsky.social · 10d

i'm branded with my misfortunes and everyone sees it. i get avoided, unless i'm needed. like a lamb i will lay my head down and allow myself to benefit whoever carries the axe. i dont deserve autonomy, because all i've ever done with it is drive people farther away or to resent me.

Melvin 🫧 @goldlighter.bsky.social · 10d

getting used by people gives me deep dissatisfaction but momentary belief and euphoria that maybe i'll be forgiven for the sin of being myself. i'll rip the illnesses out of myself to be more palatable for people, i tried to believe being unpalatable was the best thing to do. but it clearly isn't.

Melvin 🫧 @goldlighter.bsky.social · 10d

almost a year im trying to reintegrate into friend groups but i really feel like i'm only looked to when someone wants something. close friends say i'm too nice, I bend over backwards for people who wouldn't give me a second thought.

Melvin 🫧 @goldlighter.bsky.social · 10d

i keep bending backwards for people and i keep trying to be a better person but i feel like i get used a lot and sometimes its my fault for putting myself in situations where i can be used. i allow it to happen just because i want people to like me. after feeling like everyone hated me for

Melvin 🫧 @goldlighter.bsky.social · 10d

vent art

Melvin 🫧 @goldlighter.bsky.social · 10d

one of those nights i lay awake thinking if the fact i, mel, am not the original host n actually formed somewhere in between 2020 n 2022 (approximately) and didnt exactly realize until last year lol i think the old host integrated/fused (idr term)w a protector or smth

Reposted by Melvin 🫧

Melvin ⚠️ @sodalighter.bsky.social · 15d

i still have stuff backed up but i really want to have some kind of indulgent meal so i have 10$/pwyw shitty toxicsona doodles on my ko-fi, very very limited time. i really just want to get taco bell or smth comforting. whatever doodle comms i get will be done today/tmrrw
ko-fi.com/ironlighter

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Melvin 🫧 @goldlighter.bsky.social · 15d

ive had the worst week that was already resparking these deep inner thoughts but everything with angel made them loud. my thoughts are so loud. they want me to die.

Melvin 🫧 @goldlighter.bsky.social · 15d

will i die? no, obviously, i just really fucking feel like i should. i wont, im safe, im just, so upset, so mentally fucked up over this my thoughts are jumping to the extremes

Melvin 🫧 @goldlighter.bsky.social · 15d

i know verbalizing these thoughts are bad but i genuinely havent wanted to Not exist in a long time but now i struggle with the feeling. i just want to die, i feel absolutely useless, i cant even sit by angel bc watching her makes me ugly sob, arent i just so selfish

Melvin 🫧 @goldlighter.bsky.social · 16d

there is no stepping back from the people you love. i cant leave.

Melvin 🫧 @goldlighter.bsky.social · 16d

i keep trying to leave front but my baby is hurting i cant leave. i keep getting told to take a step back but how can i when my baby is hurting

Melvin 🫧 @goldlighter.bsky.social · 16d

wow i really dont wanna be alive right now

Melvin 🫧 @goldlighter.bsky.social · 16d

angel is having seizures. she just went down to the vet i think.

Melvin 🫧 @goldlighter.bsky.social · 16d

body horror n gore i think but more evil eugene shit. i feel like dying so i project my suffering onto him