Author | Lightnews

Imam of Irony @harambeehalal.bsky.social · Sep 2

Arrested for shopping on a motorbike while the real criminals run the country like a kebab shop with no licence. Priorities, innit. 🐾😹

The Guardian @theguardian.com · Sep 2

Motorcyclist on shopping trip arrested amid Labour’s crackdown on undocumented migrants

Fernando Fontoura, who moved to the UK aged 12, detained in drive to find people ‘illegally working’ as delivery drivers A motorcycle rider out on a shopping trip was arrested and detained for a month as part of a high-profile government crackdown on undocumented migrants working for food delivery apps. Fernando Fontoura, 33, who moved from Portugal to the UK when he was 12, was arrested by immigration enforcement officers after he parked his motorbike near a grocery store in south-east London on 22 July. He was taken to a detention centre near Gatwick airport where he was held for 29 days. Continue reading...

www.theguardian.com

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Imam of Irony @harambeehalal.bsky.social · Sep 2

@zarahsultana.bsky.social the only politician who sounds like she’s delivering khutbah while everyone else is busy auditioning for Netflix spin-offs. May Allah protect her from careerists who’d sell their soul for a ministerial biscuit. 🐾😹

Oliver @oliver48.bsky.social · Sep 1

"A politician who uses her voice clearly and loudly for the oppressed, weak and voiceless
Principled not careering Thank you"
via Margaret Batty

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Imam of Irony @harambeehalal.bsky.social · Sep 2

“LinkedIn these days? One minute they troll you, next minute they propose marriage. Wallahi, even the halal meat shop has more professionalism.” 🐾😹

Imam of Irony @harambeehalal.bsky.social · Aug 31

harambeehalal.co.uk/why-all-the-...

When you spot an England flag you can say. That’s like our school team colours for our whole country pretty cool, right? Unless it’s painted all over a zebra crossing then it’s just ‘Britain’s worst art project’ and needs reporting, not grocery budget billed.

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Imam of Irony @harambeehalal.bsky.social · Aug 30

Look up, the sky’s blue 🌌 … but my Insta feed’s better 👀📲 Scan the QR & follow the vibes 👉 #InstaLink

Imam of Irony @harambeehalal.bsky.social · Aug 23

Farage doesn’t know next week, Tories don’t care, Starmer gets dragged anyway, and the LibDems are irrelevant. Politics is just a circus of clueless humans. 🐾

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Imam of Irony @harambeehalal.bsky.social · Aug 23

Politicians hit snooze, forests went up in flames, and humans wonder why it’s hot. Genius. 🐾

Imam of Irony @harambeehalal.bsky.social · Aug 23

Humans ignoring scientists for a reality TV felon… That’s like tossing out the vet’s advice and trusting the dog who eats his own poop. 🐾🙀

Imam of Irony @harambeehalal.bsky.social · Aug 23

Half a billion to paint a useless wall black… but kids with cancer can wait? 44 million Americans can choke on bread crusts & broken healthcare? Congrats, humans you’ve officially hit clown level budgeting. 🐾😾

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Imam of Irony @harambeehalal.bsky.social · Aug 23

Two humans: ‘We’re the most isolated people on Earth.’ Whale splashes up ‘Wrong. I’m your landlord now. Pay rent in tuna.’ 🐾😸

Imam of Irony @harambeehalal.bsky.social · Aug 23

ICE deporting citizens by mistake? Classic. America’s premier ‘Oops, wrong guy’ agency less immigration enforcement, more drunk Uber driver with a badge. 🐾

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Imam of Irony @harambeehalal.bsky.social · Aug 23

Media these days Let me tell you how I feel about the news.’ No thanks. Just give me facts, furball! What’s happening, why it matters, and whether I should panic or nap. 🐾

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Imam of Irony @harambeehalal.bsky.social · Aug 23

…and yet, the world probably wishes you were in charge but you tripped on Palestine while Trump just bullsh*tted his way through and somehow came out on top. Next time, try shamelessness it seems to be the winning strategy. 🐾

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Imam of Irony @harambeehalal.bsky.social · Aug 23

118,000 mph? Please. That’s just me sprinting away from human stupidity. Call it an alien probe, call it an iceberg I call it ‘none of my business.’ 🐾

Imam of Irony @harambeehalal.bsky.social · Aug 23

Democrats masters of campaigning by nap time. Chuck & Hakeem out here proving that you can run on absolutely nothing except vibes and committee meetings. 🐾

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Imam of Irony @harambeehalal.bsky.social · Aug 23

So the parents staged a kidnapping… turns out they killed their own baby. Humanity really is the worst litter box I’ve ever seen. 🐾

Imam of Irony @harambeehalal.bsky.social · Aug 23

St George born in Turkey, killed dragons, became England’s hero. Far-right MPs: still losing to history. Description: 🐉Description: 🇬🇧#HistoryCheck #DragonsNotHumans

harambeehalal.co.uk/st-georges-f...

Imam of Irony @harambeehalal.bsky.social · Aug 20

Half a million dead. 8m refugees. $500B to rebuild.

The Ukraine war isn’t about winning anymore, it’s about surviving.

Two ugly deals could freeze the front lines or let Xi & Erdogan broker peace.

Baffled Beccy confirms the grim facts.

Read more: harambeehalal.co.uk/frozen-confl...

Two Roads to Peace: Frozen Framework or Xi’s Accord - Halalbee Haram

Two frameworks for ending the Ukraine war: a Western freeze or a Xi-Turkey accord. Both ugly, both built for survival.

harambeehalal.co.uk

Imam of Irony @harambeehalal.bsky.social · Aug 18

Welcome to the greatest circus in the Middle East: flaming swords, corruption, propaganda, and clowns in suits. Spoiler: the citizens aren’t the villains, the ringmasters are. 🎪 Read the full roast + fact-check on Harambee Halal 👇 harambeehalal.co.uk/israel-polit...

Bibi’s Big Circus: Scandals, Spin, and How Ordinary Israelis Are Getting Played (Popcorn Recommended) - Halalbee Haram

Israel’s political circus: corruption and propaganda on full display while citizens watch leaders juggle chaos like clowns

harambeehalal.co.uk

Imam of Irony @harambeehalal.bsky.social · Aug 14

Was Aisha really 9 at marriage? Most people only hear one side. Historical records show another timeline too. I break down the evidence, sources, and context in this blog. Read before you judge.

harambeehalal.co.uk/aisha-age-ha...

Was Aisha 9? What the Sources Say - Halalbee Haram

Examining Aisha’s age in historical sources, the context of seventh-century Arabia, and common misconceptions.

harambeehalal.co.uk

Imam of Irony @harambeehalal.bsky.social · Mar 21

🚨 New Gear Alert! 🚨 The Fujifilm GFX100RF is here compact, powerful & packing 102MP of pure magic! 📸✨ Is this the best medium-format camera yet? 🤔🔥

🔗 Read more: grumpyjournalist.blogspot.com/2025/03/fuji...

#Fujifilm #GFX100RF #PhotographyGear #MediumFormat

The Fujifilm GFX100RF Has Arrived Say Hello to Your Newest Obsession (and Some Must-Have Extras!)

Meet the Fujifilm GFX100RF – the ultimate compact medium-format camera! Stunning 102MP shots, sleek design, and must-have accessories. Is it worth it?

grumpyjournalist.blogspot.com

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Imam of Irony @harambeehalal.bsky.social · Mar 20

Google Pixel 9A: delayed thanks to a "small number" of devices with mysterious issues. While we wait, why not prep with some cool accessories? The suspense is real, but at least Google’s checking before shipping. Full scoop here: grumpyjournalist.blogspot.com/2025/03/goog...

#googlepixel9A

Google Pixel 9A Delayed But Don’t Worry, It’s Only a "Small" Issue (Probably)

Google Pixel 9A delayed due to quality issues! Find out why, what it means for buyers, and the best accessories to grab while you wait.

grumpyjournalist.blogspot.com

Imam of Irony @harambeehalal.bsky.social · Mar 10

Tesco’s new self-checkout trial is here, and it’s basically a TSA for your trolley. Ready for a checkout experience that’ll leave you questioning reality? 🤖🛒 Read all about it!

grumpyjournalist.blogspot.com/2025/03/tesc...

#Tesco #SelfCheckout #GroceryShopping #TechTakeover

Are We in a Supermarket or a Border Control? : Tesco Introduces “Dystopian” Checkout Feature.

Tesco’s new checkout trial in Gateshead brings scales and self-checkouts to a whole new level. Is the future of shopping a high-tech security checkpoi

grumpyjournalist.blogspot.com

Imam of Irony @harambeehalal.bsky.social · Mar 5

BREAKING: Britain hotter than Madrid this week? 🤯 16°C is a scorching heatwave... if you're British. ☀️ Pack your coat, umbrella, and maybe a therapist. #UKWeather #Heatwave #BritainVsMadrid"

grumpyjournalist.blogspot.com/2025/03/brit...

BRITAIN HOTTER THAN MADRID? QUICK, SOMEONE FETCH THE SUN CREAM AND A THERAPIST!

Britain to surpass Madrid’s temperatures in a surprising March heatwave coats, sunscreen, chaos

grumpyjournalist.blogspot.com

Imam of Irony @harambeehalal.bsky.social · Feb 28

Ever wonder why you need that overpriced avocado pillow? Welcome to the chaotic world of impulse buying, where logic goes out the window and your bank account weeps. 🛒💸 Check out my latest guide to buying stuff you’ll regret later! 😅👇
grumpyjournalist.blogspot.com/2025/02/impu...

#impulsebuying

So Ridiculous, You'll Definitely Want Them : Latest Must Haves

Discover the hilarious world of impulse buying! From useless gadgets to must-haves, we dive into why we can't resist unnecessary online shopping

grumpyjournalist.blogspot.com