Author | Lightnews

pretzel

@hotcrispyfriend.bsky.social

34 followers 41 following 520 posts

#1 kahoot champion turned unemployed mess

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pretzel @hotcrispyfriend.bsky.social · May 8

Don't kill yourself,.. Your pussy is Glorious.

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pretzel @hotcrispyfriend.bsky.social · 3h

I love how quickly after an iphone turns two years old the battery gets noticeably worse. my 15 plus was doing great until about a week ago and I never updated it past ios 17 so I can't even blame updates

pretzel @hotcrispyfriend.bsky.social · 6d

I have a type and I didn't realize that was my type but that's my type god damn

pretzel @hotcrispyfriend.bsky.social · 6d

oh the things you find out about yourself!

pretzel @hotcrispyfriend.bsky.social · 7d

DUDE!! THAT'S MY BUTT!!!

pretzel @hotcrispyfriend.bsky.social · 8d

calmly listening to the gunshots right next to my window on this fine evening

pretzel @hotcrispyfriend.bsky.social · 9d

ugh I am so single and unemployed rn

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pretzel @hotcrispyfriend.bsky.social · 11d

speaking of visual novels, no, I am never finishing that one I started.

pretzel @hotcrispyfriend.bsky.social · 11d

it's getting cold out which means it's time to curl up in my bed and shamelessly consume visual novels

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pretzel @hotcrispyfriend.bsky.social · 11d

thinking about cutting my hair

Reposted by pretzel

Brody Foxx @yo-mama-mama.bsky.social · 12d

YO MAMA SO SKINNY, WHEN SHE WENT TO RUSSIA, SHE POURED SOME TEA #yomama

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pretzel @hotcrispyfriend.bsky.social · 16d

fucking love looking at houses I'll never get a chance to buy

pretzel @hotcrispyfriend.bsky.social · 16d

oh so you're quirky huh? circumcised? tylenol?

pretzel @hotcrispyfriend.bsky.social · 17d

at this point, I feel like I should just do reckless shit like move to alpha queensland because I'm an alpha male and gonna be in debt anyway

pretzel @hotcrispyfriend.bsky.social · 18d

first time I heard the man on the classic station mention the 2000s.

pretzel @hotcrispyfriend.bsky.social · 19d

ever since generative ai started getting involved those databases that advertisers get your name from are taking your last name from other family members for some reason or whatever

pretzel @hotcrispyfriend.bsky.social · 19d

I love getting mail with the wrong last name actually

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pretzel @hotcrispyfriend.bsky.social · 19d

turns out I am very prone to switching to an australian accent when speaking to only australians just like how I turn into a cowboy around only southerners

pretzel @hotcrispyfriend.bsky.social · 20d

I wanna do karaoke

pretzel @hotcrispyfriend.bsky.social · 21d

2025 still feels like the distant future even though it's almost over

pretzel @hotcrispyfriend.bsky.social · 21d

used motor oil actually makes for a good wood stain and that's not a joke

pretzel @hotcrispyfriend.bsky.social · 22d

I've been friends with two people who look identical to eddy burback so when do I get to befriend the real one

pretzel @hotcrispyfriend.bsky.social · 22d

living up to my name fighting for my life in here

pretzel @hotcrispyfriend.bsky.social · 22d

I'M OUT OF PEPTO.

pretzel @hotcrispyfriend.bsky.social · 23d

just had a dream about going to derby line vermont

pretzel @hotcrispyfriend.bsky.social · 24d

I am not verifying my age just to look at porn lol I've had my identity stolen probably ten times since I was 16