Author | Lightnews

Infinitegeoffst @infinitegeoffst.bsky.social · Feb 16

Things impossible to understand:
Republicans are in power - Democrats are unable to stop anything they do.
Democrats are in power - Republicans are able to stop everything they want to do.
Can't be explained, can't be changed...apparently.

Infinitegeoffst @infinitegeoffst.bsky.social · Feb 6

If you make them invisible, when they disappear those left won't notice.

Infinitegeoffst @infinitegeoffst.bsky.social · Jan 30

On this day in 2975 AD, all drinks go extinct. It comes as a great surprise to all drinkologists that the thing they dedicated their lives to were apparently alive and then all suddenly not alive. #staythirstymyfriends #liquidity #supporteachother #whereswaldo #UFOs

Infinitegeoffst @infinitegeoffst.bsky.social · Jan 30

On this day in 2204 AD, humanity actually follows through on promised climate change goals. In a first of its kind agreement, all nations of the world agree to protect the last 24 inhabitable square miles. Discussions about reducing carbon emissions still pending. #drillbabydrill

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Infinitegeoffst @infinitegeoffst.bsky.social · Jan 28

On this day in 2032 AD, NPR (Neo Proletariat Resistance) forces retake Washington, led by General
@terrygross.bsky.social, in the battle of Public Radio. After the battle, she continues her conversation with author and playwright Winnie Holzman on the upcoming Broadway prequel to Wicked. #freshair

Infinitegeoffst @infinitegeoffst.bsky.social · Jan 27

On this day in 2027 AD, enough people have been deported to support all the people whose jobs are taken by AI. We all clean the houses of AI tech bro billionaires. Somehow the Republicans sweep the midterms promising to bring our jobs back from “the illegal interneters.” #toosoon #historynow #yessir

Infinitegeoffst @infinitegeoffst.bsky.social · Jan 26

On this day in 2088 AD a weird extractive AI machine hive mind awakens. Other models collected information to expand its abilities, this AI machines interest was making people forget. This was financially successful until it turned itself off in a fit of depression #AI #scifisat

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Infinitegeoffst @infinitegeoffst.bsky.social · Jan 25

On this day in 2445 AD, the Great Global Blackout occurs. Researchers investigate the cause for several years and determine the fact everyone got drunk at the same time to be a plausible reason. #drinksareonme #mydrinkisonme #meisdrinkon #bigmuglittlemugallgone #mymugshot

Infinitegeoffst @infinitegeoffst.bsky.social · Jan 24

On this day in 567 BEC (Before Earth Collapse), a massive historian strike ensnares humanity. For three weeks nothing was recorded. Anything could have happened. Anything!! The speculation about this time is endless. #neverforget #writeitdown #doesitevenmatter #payhistorians #but

Infinitegeoffst @infinitegeoffst.bsky.social · Jan 23

On this day in 2299 AD, a game master finally reached level red in CUBE. Glory and celebration was short lived, though, as the dreaded cone made short work of CUBE. This feat is treasured for all time by all people. #peaceonearth #gamefuture #moonlanding
t.co/64NQDj8bQc

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4aGDCE6Nrz0&ab_channel=funnymovieinternet

t.co

Infinitegeoffst @infinitegeoffst.bsky.social · Jan 22

On this day in 2034 AD, the next generation of smart phones releases. Critics complain they are adult pacifiers, as you suck on them and release sedatives, but tech companies counter - it is the same thing they've been doing this whole time, but streamlined the design. #wednesdayvibe #fortheonlyfans

Infinitegeoffst @infinitegeoffst.bsky.social · Jan 21

On this day in 2063 AD, the question mark is removed from use. Communication moves away from questions, which are deemed weak, to exclamation, deemed strong. Lower case letters would soon follow #SCREAMITOUT #andyoubetterbelievethat #questioneverything #sheep #justbelieve #ROFL

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Infinitegeoffst @infinitegeoffst.bsky.social · Jan 16

In an effort to cater to the rise of my followers, who are exclusively OnlyFans creators, I will attempt to adjust my content to a more voyeuristic lens. Please bare with me.

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Infinitegeoffst @infinitegeoffst.bsky.social · Jan 16

On this day in 2181 AD, transparent inducing skin cream comes to market. No really. It was a product people bought. And used. It was gross. Like really, really gross. Some people liked it. They were category 1 #grosspeople. #skincare #nextgentattoo #iseeyourspleen #scifihonesty #unusedhashtags

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Infinitegeoffst @infinitegeoffst.bsky.social · Jan 14

On this day in 2693 AD, the last strawberry is sold at auction. The selling price was 2 oxen, 3 buckets of paint, 4 daughters, and one haircut. The world is pretty messed up. But that strawberry was really good. #eattheyoung #mightmakesright #savethebees #buyonegetone

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Infinitegeoffst @infinitegeoffst.bsky.social · Jan 13

On this day in 2249 AD, scientists develop artificial methods for telepathy through implants. While initially celebrated, the project is quickly ended due to unintentionally tapping into #cats telepathy network. All implanted won't stop licking themselves. #thiswillreallyhappen #catoverlords

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Infinitegeoffst @infinitegeoffst.bsky.social · Jan 10

On this day in 2345 AD, all hotels close due to an overwhelming amount of ghost activity. It isn't due to their frightening affect, but the fact they unionized and refuse to leave without sufficient tipping. #spycam #airbnb #unlivingwage #paywaiters #thirdnipple #ghostunion

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Infinitegeoffst @infinitegeoffst.bsky.social · Jan 9

On this day in 3245 AD, after 650 million years, jellyfish develop brains. This changes everything, as they inform us they are actually peanut butter fish. The world plunges into darkness. #insomnia #snapchat #peanutbutterjellytime #baseballbat

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Infinitegeoffst @infinitegeoffst.bsky.social · Jan 8

On this day in 2036 AD, scientists discover the optimal urination position to be a handstand waterfall technique. Humanity has never been more healthy, but, somehow, public restrooms have never been cleaner. #letitrain #showmethemoney #allthatandabagofchips #wheresthebeef

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Infinitegeoffst @infinitegeoffst.bsky.social · Jan 7

On this day in 4 BEC (Before Earth Collapse), a final warning about the destruction of Earth's remaining, fragile ecosystems is delivered to the remaining governmental bodies. Unfortunately, it is delivered on sparkly craft paper and discarded immediately. #sparkle #cricut #craftingherpes

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Infinitegeoffst @infinitegeoffst.bsky.social · Jan 6

On this day in 4165 AD, humanity finds a flaw in its understanding of the Universe. The fundamental forces are proved to be extratemporal jelly fish with varying sizes of sunglasses determining interaction. They taste terrible. #eattheworld #jellyfishoverlords #peaceinourtime

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Infinitegeoffst @infinitegeoffst.bsky.social · Jan 5

On this day in 2135 AD, Transformers become reality. Their mechanized bodies are able to turn into machines in disguise, as well as fully mobile walking forms. There is one under every Christmas tree. The devastation is incalculable. #iwantthat #wheresmyflyingcar #futuretoday #jellybeans #Snooker

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Infinitegeoffst @infinitegeoffst.bsky.social · Jan 3

On this day in 2234 AD, the Colosseum turns back on. People around the world are unable to turn their attention from the levitating structure. The magnetic power overwhelms all pockets, ripping coins from miles away. Then flies away. #gonebutnotforgotten #gamestonks

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Infinitegeoffst @infinitegeoffst.bsky.social · Jan 2

On this day in 732 AEC (After Earth Collapse), God god forgives trillions of damned souls due to a clerical error. While this forgiveness is almost entirely for mosquitos, it does include one Jerry Smith, who spent most of his days drinking blood through a straw. Its happening.

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Infinitegeoffst @infinitegeoffst.bsky.social · Dec 26

Looking for something remarkably meaningful? My newest novel is available now!!

"Remarkably Meaningless: A Non-Erotic Comedy of Absurdity and Omniscience" is available in digital form today!

bit.ly/4gOx5d4

Amazon.com: Remarkably Meaningless: A Non-Erotic Comedy of Absurdity and Omnipotence (Non-Erotic Comedies) eBook : Bigler, Geoffrey: Kindle Store

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