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jakepaulsartre.bsky.social
r o o
@jakepaulsartre.bsky.social
6.5K followers 170 following 5.4K posts
marxist | alleged Balkan war criminal | feral child | mir leybn eybik | NB (they/them) The opinions expressed here belong solely to myself
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jakepaulsartre.bsky.social
r o o @jakepaulsartre.bsky.social · Feb 15
I feel like Catch 22 is one of the most obviously leftist books just bc the protagonist is a smart guy who understands the insanity around him in perfect clarity, but nobody takes him seriously because it's also turned him into a miserable, high-strung neurotic

And what's more leftist than that
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jakepaulsartre.bsky.social
r o o @jakepaulsartre.bsky.social · 4m
Sucks how hard it is to get people to grasp "this current social context is not the default"

Like trying to explain how ADHD functioning isn't inherently impaired, it just appears that way when a society doesn't play to ADHD strengths/is built with only one mode of behavior in mind. Never goes well
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jakepaulsartre.bsky.social
r o o @jakepaulsartre.bsky.social · 10h
I think that's the best you can do. I do genuinely think it's best to take a cautious, incremental approach where you only grant trust when they earn it by consistently & repeatedly demonstrating trustworthy behavior over a length of time
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jakepaulsartre.bsky.social
r o o @jakepaulsartre.bsky.social · 10h
I feel like that's a valid read, but I just assumed it was PTSD hypervigilance from the 20-ish years of being fucked over by a dozen different people
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jakepaulsartre.bsky.social
r o o @jakepaulsartre.bsky.social · 11h
Reading the replies that say "Well trusting someone means allowing yourself to be vulnerable with them despite the risk. If there's no risk, it's not real vulnerability/trust"

And the way my brain IMMEDIATELY went "lmao yeah no I'm not doing that, are you fuckin insane" tells me I'm cooked
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jakepaulsartre.bsky.social
r o o @jakepaulsartre.bsky.social · 12h
Yeah there's also this element of having to EARN a place at the table with service. A fair amount of fat people, gay men, ND people, etc. learn to be funny as a survival mechanism

And that gains you acceptance, but it's very much a conditional thing that hinges on you providing entertainment
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jakepaulsartre.bsky.social
r o o @jakepaulsartre.bsky.social · 13h
I had a major glow up at 16 and it was cool how much nicer everyone suddenly became overnight

...for about 5mins, until you realize "Oh no, I have to maintain this for the rest of my life to be treated with basic human decency"
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jakepaulsartre.bsky.social
r o o @jakepaulsartre.bsky.social · 13h
Oh for sure.

I saw an Autistic Tiktok creator talk about how pressured she felt to conform to beauty standards bc people tolerate her weirder ND behavior far more when she's seen as hot

And--as an AFAB enby with AuDHD--I sat there feeling like that painting of the soldier with a 1000 yard stare
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jakepaulsartre.bsky.social
r o o @jakepaulsartre.bsky.social · 13h
I really hate how doctors make you feel like a pillseeker in the sense you're thinking "I gotta say this & do that to convince them, but not this--thats too much. Maybe I should play this up..."

As if I gotta manipulate them and I'm scared they might realize I'm a fraud *even though I do need it*
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jakepaulsartre.bsky.social
r o o @jakepaulsartre.bsky.social · 13h
God that reminds me of when a new doctor did "Do you REALLY have adhd/need adderall"

I ended up going on a 30min rant about linear vs non-linear thought being like a bullet vs buckshot, then abruptly sobbed about struggling w/ jobs+school

And she goes "Mmm I dunno you may have been misdiagnosed"
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jakepaulsartre.bsky.social
r o o @jakepaulsartre.bsky.social · 13h
And it owns how, now, I can tell people I have ADHD and they'll react with overt skepticism

But then they'll go "YOU DO [long list of ADHD symptoms] ALL THE TIME, WHY, WHY ARE YOU DOING THAT" as if it's a complete mystery
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jakepaulsartre.bsky.social
r o o @jakepaulsartre.bsky.social · 13h
Oh yeah for sure like I didn't get diagnosed as ADHD until 17 and up until then, my entire childhood was

-"WHY ARE YOU LIKE THIS??"

-"You struggle terribly in school but are also very smart, so...you're clearly CHOOSING to fail, because you are bad. It couldn't possibly suggest anything else"
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jakepaulsartre.bsky.social
r o o @jakepaulsartre.bsky.social · 13h
So the second you're like "Why is it when Kathy came into work today & made a joke about Mondays, you all laughed. None of you actually find that funny. You're just going through the motions of a social ritual, it's weird"

You're pointing out that its not REALLY a default state & they haaaate it
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jakepaulsartre.bsky.social
r o o @jakepaulsartre.bsky.social · 14h
Right, they prefer to believe it's a default state so if you struggle to follow it or DO understand how it works, but find it to be a dumb waste of time: you're broken

There's no thought given to how it's all socially constructed nonsense or that we might find their behavior just as weird
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jakepaulsartre.bsky.social
r o o @jakepaulsartre.bsky.social · 14h
Like I always think of how much NT people engage in rigid thinking and ritualized behavior

As an ADHD person, I'm super familiar with how refusing to follow a dumb arbitrary rule will trigger an NT person to go "NOO BUT THATS THE WAY WE DO IT, YOU HAVE TOOOO". It's just not pathologized.
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jakepaulsartre.bsky.social
r o o @jakepaulsartre.bsky.social · 14h
Right exactly. Like hand flapping with excitement isn't *really* that far off from someone clapping their hands and jumping when excited

But it IS the less common one, so: weird
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jakepaulsartre.bsky.social
r o o @jakepaulsartre.bsky.social · 14h
Exactly like NT people clap and jump with joy, they squeal with excitement, drunk white girls go "WOOOOO"--these are all stims, everybody has expressions of intense feelings externalized through movement or vocalizations

And yet its only "stimming" when an ND person does it
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jakepaulsartre.bsky.social
r o o @jakepaulsartre.bsky.social · 14h
I think a lot of the things NT society deems as "weird ND behavior" is actually incredibly normal shit that they ALSO do their own version of

But you're a lil freak so when YOU do it, it's freak shit
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jakepaulsartre.bsky.social
r o o @jakepaulsartre.bsky.social · 14h
The concept of stimming gets so confusing bc everybody stims to some extent, so why is [x stim] weirdly neurodivergent while [y stim] isn't

Like apparently the high pitched noise I make when happy is a vocal stim...but that's just squealing with excitement. So why...do you see what I'm saying?
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jakepaulsartre.bsky.social
r o o @jakepaulsartre.bsky.social · 14h
"[Whispering breathlessly] I cannot BELIEVE what Capote did to Lee Radziwill, just SHAMELESS"

Oh was she a dear friend of yours? Did you guys all summer together with the Kennedy's in the Hamptons? Shut up
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jakepaulsartre.bsky.social
r o o @jakepaulsartre.bsky.social · 14h
We mourn the loss of the celebrity intellectual these days, but I gotta say: like 90% of the public intellectuals from 1950-1970 were just fuckin...scumbags lol
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jakepaulsartre.bsky.social
r o o @jakepaulsartre.bsky.social · 14h
Ohh for sure another good one
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jakepaulsartre.bsky.social
r o o @jakepaulsartre.bsky.social · 15h
I feel like I could teach a class on how to make boomers pop tf off. Like amateurs will go for a conversation about student loan forgiveness

But the true master knows if you bring up Truman Capote or Gore Vidal, but esp Capote & his Swans, their eyes will light up like "Ohh that piece of shit"
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jakepaulsartre.bsky.social
r o o @jakepaulsartre.bsky.social · 1d
Oh youre grey rocking him
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jakepaulsartre.bsky.social
r o o @jakepaulsartre.bsky.social · 1d
That would make me anxious just based on the fact you're completely at their whims, like it gives them a lot of power
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jakepaulsartre.bsky.social
r o o @jakepaulsartre.bsky.social · 1d
The buffer zone approach is much better than my old strategy

AKA go demon mode, put the fear of god in them to ensure they'd be too scared of what I might do should they even consider using [x] against me

Pros: very effective
Cons: if anyone finds out, youre now seen as crazy and/or scary
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