Complexicated Cookie
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johnboycook.bsky.social
Complexicated Cookie
@johnboycook.bsky.social
310 followers 320 following 240 posts
Visually Impaired Whovian dog lover. Work in progress.
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johnboy_cook on Instagram: "Three and a half years ago today. The day I decided to end it all.I still don’t know what stopped me in that moment, and I’ve come…"
Three and a half years ago today. The day I decided to end it all.I still don’t know what stopped me in that moment, and I’ve come to the realisation that I probably never will. That used to bother me a lot - if I didn’t know what stopped me how could I have confidence that it would again? But I’m less bothered by that now. The last 6 months have been hell on Earth. Losing dad and then Sparky in such quick succession completely turned my life upside down then kicked it around for a bit. On top of that being housebound for 2 months was… an experience. It feels like I’ve been in constant physical and emotional pain for nearly 6 months. And yet my head’s rarely gone back to that dark place of April 12th 2022 (it did once, fleetingly, I immediately snapped myself out of it). Essentially in spite of having A LOT of pain medication readily available to me in this house; I’m still here, so I’m not worried.I’ve been very mindful of my mental health over the last few months. I’ve been keeping an eye on things and very much pushing myself to keep going, while stopping to@relax when required. I’ve also started to change things around the house to make it more like my home and less like somewhere full of shadows of the past. That’s going to help me a great deal.I guess if this year has shown me anything; it’s that I whatever life throws at me I’m a survivor.IAMASURVIVOR#MentalHealth #Depression #SuicideAwareness
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johnboy_cook on Instagram: "Gaming screen now set up and wired into the sound bar.I’ve not been able to touch a game in anger in 3 months, (Animal Crossing on …"
Gaming screen now set up and wired into the sound bar.I’ve not been able to touch a game in anger in 3 months, (Animal Crossing on a handheld doesn’t count as “in anger”). This feels like it’s been a long time coming.I used to game by laying on the floor in front of the tv, but after my hospital trip it was pretty clear that wasn’t going to work. I tried, was in a lot of pain, so wisely decided that wasn’t the way forward (hell, laying on the floor to game and watch tv probably contributed to my hip issues. It certainly won’t have helped). As times gone on I’ve missed gaming more and more. It’s a huge part of me and also something that connected me to Dad - he was the OG (original gamer), brought our first Atari 16k computer home in 1982, would sit for hours bemoaning those “bastard ghosts” on Pac-Man, passed the gaming bug onto me in a big way.It felt like not being able to game was very much what kids these days call a “First World Problem”, and I’ve felt guilty for this affecting me, but then a dear friend pointed out to me earlier that Mental Health is never a first world problem; and this is something that will help me a great deal. In the last 3 months I’ve been so in need of stimulation and something to occupy my time that I’ve watched 300 episodes of Prisoner Cell Block H (third time in my life I’ve watched the series all the way through) but I’m now caught up with the 5Select repeats, so getting this set up now is well timed.Time for some football, MarioKart, Assassins Creed, Indiana Jones; Agatha Christie (have all 5 Poirot games) and as seen here, Fortnite (yes, I have a Daft Punk skin). Also determined to get back to Balatro, try Ghost of Yotei, and immerse properly into Donkey Kong Bananza, Massive thanks to @loopysmummy and Dan for helping me get set up and putting up with my moods: you’ve genuinely helped make life a lot easier:
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