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Luke R. J. Maynard @lukemaynard.bsky.social · 9h

It takes guts to waltz into the #WorldSeries at age 22, six weeks into your major-league career, and beat a record that Sandy Coufax has held since 1963.

But it takes guts on a whole different level to waltz into #SandyCoufax's house, #DodgerStadium, and do it while he's SITTING RIGHT THERE.

Luke R. J. Maynard @lukemaynard.bsky.social · 2d

In the immortal words of Malcolm Reynolds, "Might've been on the losing side. Still not convinced it was the wrong one."

This one's for you, #BlueJays fans. And you, #Watchmen fans, in case you're jealous the #MLB jocks get more love than us comic nerds during the #WorldSeries.
See you in 17 hours!

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Luke R. J. Maynard @lukemaynard.bsky.social · 4d

"Has she been sworn in yet?"
"No, Robin, not yet."
"Holy sniveling Mike Johnson!" 🦇

a man in a robin costume with a mask on his face

ALT: a man in a robin costume with a mask on his face

media.tenor.com

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Luke R. J. Maynard @lukemaynard.bsky.social · 5d

If it helps at all, we now have a 24-hour Denny's here in Toronto.

The restaurant unites us even in these tough times: if you want to feel like an American, it's a comforting taste of home.

If you want to feel like a Canadian, you too can get a Grand Slam anytime you want, day or night.🍳😉⚾

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Luke R. J. Maynard @lukemaynard.bsky.social · 6d

This is the thing people forget when they mock him for being the only casino owner "stupid" enough to bankrupt a casino.

It's basically impossible to bankrupt a casino. All I can see is Trump walking off with his pockets sagging with gold: "I don't know where all the money went. Can't explain it."

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Luke R. J. Maynard @lukemaynard.bsky.social · 10d

This would not be my first go-to movie choice, nor my first go-to Muppet.

But given the chance to choose a pairing, "Kill Bill Parts 1 & 2," but replace Beatrix Kiddo with Miss Piggy.

Punk on Bus Lives!🚍📻 @punkonbuslives.bsky.social · 10d

Inverse Muppet premise: take a movie and replace one character with a Muppet. Everyone else stays human.

Star Trek: The Motion Picture, but have Gonzo be Dr. McCoy.

Malcolm Wood @woodmally1979.bsky.social · 10d

Star Trek First Contact but have Miss Piggy as the Borg Queen.

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Luke R. J. Maynard @lukemaynard.bsky.social · 15d

Good, if he's going to declare bankruptcy he's got to have some kind of income for the Sandy Hook families to take away from him.

If he wants to spend his sunset years farming right-wing rage, he can farm it for them now.

Luke R. J. Maynard @lukemaynard.bsky.social · 16d

As someone with no children in school, I support this so much. Take my tax dollars!

Someday, those kids will be 50; I'll be 80. And I will get sick and need surgery.

The quality of surgeon I want only shows up if you ensure they're healthy & happy, nerver starving, in their Grade 2 Science class.

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Luke R. J. Maynard @lukemaynard.bsky.social · 20d

Wow.

Democrats and Republicans have always been opposed on many issues of policy. That's not new.

But this administration really has doubled and tripled down on "We're not an opposing party anymore. We're an opposing government. Either we rule absolutely, or you do. There can be no cooperation."

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Luke R. J. Maynard @lukemaynard.bsky.social · 22d

At least we know that this intensely private person, who's worked so hard to protect herself from the tabloids, is in good enough shape to "take her sister to the woodshed," as they say in Tennessee, for making her private business such a matter of public panic.

All the best to them regardless.

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Luke R. J. Maynard @lukemaynard.bsky.social · 24d

I've got some #newmusic up to start the week, if anyone in the #MusicSky world wants to check it out.

I've been using the "Refluxions" gimmick for covers; this is my first original in this format. Maybe I'll polish it into a single, but this is a very rough draft.
www.youtube.com/watch?v=8BM6...

Canada Plays Canada: The Refluxions - Cracked-Out Little Thing (a Luke Maynard original!)

YouTube video by Luke Maynard

www.youtube.com

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Luke R. J. Maynard @lukemaynard.bsky.social · 26d

Homeland Security is to keep the enemies of America outside of it from getting in.

It doesn't work so well when they're coming from inside the House (in some cases literally).

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Luke R. J. Maynard @lukemaynard.bsky.social · 26d

I also want to know, because @aoc.bsky.social is one of the few leaders who genuinely upset & rattle the MAGA regime.
Gov. Newsom is not, IMHO, the ideal leader to lead the charge with equal parts sincerity (which the US needs) & showmanship (which it sadly demands). He's just the ONLY one doing it.

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Luke R. J. Maynard @lukemaynard.bsky.social · 26d

Only the government of the United States.

Ending THAT was probably a big milestone of the "Project 2026" plan.

Even Emperor Donald and his handlers are probably surprised how quickly they were able to get here. Understandably, they expected the United States to put up more of a fight than this.

Luke R. J. Maynard @lukemaynard.bsky.social · Sep 28

We could all learn a thing or two from (slightly) older grey haired dog walking women.

I've mostly stopped swearing in conversation. Not because I have manners or delicate sensibilities, but because when I drop that F-bomb, I want it to HIT like I've saved it for the occasion.

The occasion's here.

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Luke R. J. Maynard @lukemaynard.bsky.social · Sep 28

I've taught English for long enough to see that in 90% of cases, robots owned by someone else DO "know best" when it comes to proper spelling & grammar usage.

That leads me to think (& maybe even hope!) that the 400-year "test period" of standardized spelling & grammar I taught is coming to an end.

Luke R. J. Maynard @lukemaynard.bsky.social · Sep 28

That's not true.

That's impossible.

Reported.

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Luke R. J. Maynard @lukemaynard.bsky.social · Sep 28

These are times when tempest-tost boats from Venezuela are getting bombed because they allegedly belong to drug cartels.

Times when Trump's $100,000 H-1B fee pretty much bombs the phrase "give me your poor."

And as far as I can see, "the huddled masses yearning to breathe free" "are made in USA":

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Luke R. J. Maynard @lukemaynard.bsky.social · Sep 28

Here in Toronto, on his last tour, Paul Simon said something shocking introducing "America": "It's about two young people in search of a country they couldn't see anymore. After 50 years, I'm pleased to report I've found America. It's here in Canada."

Really makes me rethink OUR commitment to this:

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Luke R. J. Maynard @lukemaynard.bsky.social · Sep 27

People forget what a lying, greedy deadbeat criminal swindler Han Solo is, because when a horrific existential evil threatens the galaxy, he saddles up and becomes a hero.

Finally, Trump is SO loathed that real sleazebags are saddling up. It doesn't make them great people. But it makes them ALLIES.

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Luke R. J. Maynard @lukemaynard.bsky.social · Sep 27

Words can't describe how relieved I am to live in Canada, where I feel judicial impartiality has survived on the Supreme Court.

I can reasonably place equal trust in the neutrality of judges appointed by Prime Ministers I loved, and by PMs I despised. I'm grateful for that rare & special privilege.

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Luke R. J. Maynard @lukemaynard.bsky.social · Sep 26

I work in civil litigation. Rear-end vehicle collisions I understand.

You know what I can't do? Pharmaceutical patents.

Seeing her Dunning-Kruger'ed into prosecuting the LITERAL [ex-]DIRECTOR OF THE FBI? It'd be like me suing Pfizer for theft of a left-handed Small Interfering RNA molecule…

a cookie monster is sitting in front of a window and says me have no idea what you talking about

ALT: a cookie monster is sitting in front of a window and says me have no idea what you talking about

media.tenor.com

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Luke R. J. Maynard @lukemaynard.bsky.social · Sep 24

The analogy isn't far off: we can't forget that while any one of them a minor nuisance, it's the number of them, the whole school, that makes them lethal.

In the reverse, you NEED a school of them to be lethal. America hosts thousands of senile, gropey old racists who mean nothing without a cult.

Luke R. J. Maynard @lukemaynard.bsky.social · Sep 23

I say that he's "playing the market like an invisible accordion," based on his usual gestures. You're probably right, he's too stupid to do it knowingly.

But his *handlers* know what he'll say before he says it, and schedule his most outrageous public remarks on Fridays just before closing bell.

a man in a suit and tie stands in front of an american flag with the word news on the bottom

ALT: a man in a suit and tie stands in front of an american flag with the word news on the bottom

media.tenor.com

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Luke R. J. Maynard @lukemaynard.bsky.social · Sep 23

To be fair, his "teeth" are actually freakishly unnaturally white, both uppers AND lowers, since he has the money to get dental implants & crowns cemented over drilled-out tooth stumps instead of removable dentures.🦷

Most vain cadavers only do the uppers, leaving their lower jaw a tooth graveyard.

Rudy Giuliani, in earlier times when he was more coherent.

A psychotic old man about to waddle into his ninth decade, with the teeth of a 20-year-old supermodel.*

*where the rest of the supermodel is, who knows? He owns a lot of golf courses.

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