Author | Lightnews

Niccole Thurman @niccolethurman.bsky.social · Mar 16

a friend once said her mouth was "VERY wet" and I can't unhear it (because I literally hear every sound her wet ass mouth makes 24/7 BLECHHHUHGGGHG)

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Niccole Thurman @niccolethurman.bsky.social · Mar 16

how do I turn the volume on my dog's mouth down asking for me pLeAsE JeEzuS

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Niccole Thurman @niccolethurman.bsky.social · Mar 16

this is going to sound very curmudgeonly and not very GREEN ☮️🍃🌏 of me, but we simply have too many gadgets we need to charge now I cannot keep up with all da chargez

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Niccole Thurman @niccolethurman.bsky.social · Mar 15

They got detectives out here on cold case named “Hefflefinger” and “Butts” and I’m supposed to take this murder seriously?! Come onnnnnnn

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Niccole Thurman @niccolethurman.bsky.social · Mar 1

why is it always “spam risk” and never “spam reward” 😒

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Niccole Thurman @niccolethurman.bsky.social · Feb 18

was watching my dog eat a bone while sitting down…I sat on a pile of blankets and jumped up so fast because I thought I sat on my dog but that bitch was eating a bone and I was watching her am I ok

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Niccole Thurman @niccolethurman.bsky.social · Feb 17

keep thinking about how every invention probably started with someone figuring something out and being like “whoa what the FUCK we should keep DOING THAT”

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Niccole Thurman @niccolethurman.bsky.social · Feb 10

“SAY DRAKE”

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Niccole Thurman @niccolethurman.bsky.social · Feb 10

I love that his eye black matches his eye brows ☺️ jk he’s hot congrats eagles (don’t get mad I was rooting for everyone)

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Niccole Thurman @niccolethurman.bsky.social · Feb 6

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Niccole Thurman @niccolethurman.bsky.social · Feb 3

when someone finishes explaining board game rules and says “you ready to give it a try?!”

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Niccole Thurman @niccolethurman.bsky.social · Feb 3

For legal reasons this IS A JOKE

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Niccole Thurman @niccolethurman.bsky.social · Feb 3

when I’m driving and suddenly remember I’m driving:

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Niccole Thurman @niccolethurman.bsky.social · Feb 3

when your friend texts “you here yet?” and you forgot you had anywhere to be:

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Niccole Thurman @niccolethurman.bsky.social · Jan 24

and no I don’t have a salad spinner I dropped it somehow and it broke like THIS like WHAT HOW

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Niccole Thurman @niccolethurman.bsky.social · Jan 24

Like cause of death: salad spinner dropping on head or some shit

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Niccole Thurman @niccolethurman.bsky.social · Jan 24

ok I am not a bad cook I’m actually kinda good….but there is definitely a final destination situation happening in my home

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Niccole Thurman @niccolethurman.bsky.social · Jan 22

ok I need to have workplace gossip again. I’m on a walk and just said TO MY DOG “oh look at this two little floofers over there! They kinda look alike! I wonder if they’re related or if they’re fucking”

Like….first of all it’s probably both and SECONDLY

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