been going to bars and wineries all weekend … i have not been carded once. i’m only 23… am i unc?

#genz #chopped #unc

just leaving this here.

#wavelength #DanAndPhil #dnp #chronicallyonline #phan

new #DanAndPhil video live at the small town Cat Cafe

#catcafe #dnp #gay

omg alumna fail moment! a current student at my uni reached out to chat about my career & current opportunities & put time on my calendar. i’ve been up since 6 am & after hosting a work event totally forgot about his appointment so i accidentally ghosted him on the google meet. luckily i caught it 😭

sometimes i just wake up from a nap and have to sit on the edge of the bed bent over with my head in my hands like im an unfaithful husband whose just realized the gravity of what he has done

just walked outside and it actually feels like fall… am i being punked?

my body viscerally rejects the new nicole kidman amc preshow message

one of my favorite bits is to pretend i am pregnant when i’ve eaten too much food and am bloated — but i have come to the realization that it doesn’t quite work when the reason i am so bloated is because i’ve been drinking hella beers 😭

#foodbaby #pretendpregnancy #youarenotthefather

just saw a man who looks like that yassified “handsome” man filter in real life and i’m still in shock that someone actually looks like that

i failed a phishing test at work & i genuinely don’t know how or why — feeling like a grandma rn

went to a wedding where 90% of the people didn’t know me (i’m a plus one) and turns out half the crowd thought chappell roan made a guest appearance. soooo…. basically i’m hot and mysterious… win!

#wedding #chappellroan #celebritylookalike

how i look leaving the dentist

i’ve been worried at work all day because i thought my coworker texted our work chat that she was WFH because her CAT died and she would be busy dealing with that — HOURS later i realize from a meeting that she texted that her CAR died. don’t worry, i got proof of life that the cat is ok! 😭 #ripme

at trivia, he goes “this is trivia history for me… in four years… this is the worst scoring round i have ever graded”. damn.

i forgot to put my earrings back in after cleaning last night, now i feel naked at work!!!

nobody lies more than my partner on the phone with his family in regards to me

they’ve got “ref cams” now for futbol/soccer games? these refs are going to be held more accountable than the police!

y’all, something about crossing into the kentucky state lines and feeling the joyful power that is daddy beshear’s care instantly boosts my mood

my brother rn after downing nearly two bottles of white wine, “i’m hammered and happy and i hope you’re the same”

i’m going to need my future wedding video to be shot exactly like Pride and Prejudice (2005) — which includes the male pining and the entirely of the closing scene shot for shot

how it feels to watch my partner slowly add every fantasy football draft he has into the calendar knowing they’re the reason i won’t have a weekend datenight for months on end:

taking the moment to document that i am currently undefeated in the pokémon tcg (i’ve played two games)

#pokémon #tcg #goated #pokémontcg #undefeated #heckyeah

most of the time i feel like i do a pretty good job of being an adult, but then i’ll go and do something like this:

#imsorrycarrots

deep cleaning my apartment before my brother visits like he isn’t the grossest little gremlin i’ve ever met