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AR

@psalisbury.bsky.social

2.8K followers 1.4K following 2.9K posts

Headteacher in a challenging school. Rugby. Alex and Rudi. Jeff and Elaine. Claire. Sandals. History. Was @llewelyn20 on Twitter

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AR @psalisbury.bsky.social · 8h

Alas no..

AR @psalisbury.bsky.social · 8h

AR @psalisbury.bsky.social · 9h

I would.

AR @psalisbury.bsky.social · 9h

Yep

AR @psalisbury.bsky.social · 9h

I'd be disappointed she lied as I would have given her the day off if she'd asked..paid.

AR @psalisbury.bsky.social · 10h

Bless em...

AR @psalisbury.bsky.social · 10h

I'm glad I saw Alex today, says Jeff.
I know, I say, he misses you.
I bought him a hot water bottle, he says.
I laugh. Why, I ask.
I spent 35 years being cold and I hate the thought of him being cold, he says.
Dear me Jeff he's fine, I laugh.
He's just a baby, he says.

AR @psalisbury.bsky.social · 10h

I think I might go up now and read, says Elaine.
Be still my beating heart.

AR @psalisbury.bsky.social · 10h

It isn't.

AR @psalisbury.bsky.social · 10h

So now we're watching some Irish sit com with a very squeaky, squealy woman that talks incessantly.
And Elaine keeps repeating what the squeaky, squealy woman says.
Can someone help me please.

AR @psalisbury.bsky.social · 11h

She sits down on the settee, I'm exhausted, she says.
Because you haven't stopped fucking talking, I say to Rudi.
It's been a long day, she says.
How does she even breathe, I whisper.
I enjoyed it though, she beams.
I don't think dead things need oxygen, I say.

AR @psalisbury.bsky.social · 11h

She's talking to Tom, she goes on, and we think he has the Parkinson's.
Why, says Claire.
Well he couldn't get the top off the beetroot, she sighs, and it wasn't that tight although some of them are like they've been welded on and how pensioners are supposed to do it..

AR @psalisbury.bsky.social · 11h

Cathy has had her hair done mind, Elaine sniffs after dinner.
Still she talks, I mumble.
Ruud laughs.
It was horrendous, Elaine ignores me, somewhere between red and ginger, and what she'd done with her eye brows I can't tell you.

AR @psalisbury.bsky.social · 13h

Yes, amazing.

AR @psalisbury.bsky.social · 13h

I don't look in the morning!!

AR @psalisbury.bsky.social · 18h

Honestly.
Jeff is that the best place to leave your slippers, I shout.
It's so I don't forget them, he says.
What about me breaking my fucking neck on them, I say.
Just step round them, he says.

AR @psalisbury.bsky.social · 18h

Morning Elaine, I beam, did you sleep ok?
I woke at 1.15, she scowls, then had to go to the toilet at 3, after that I laid awake til 4.20 and I couldn’t sleep as he was snoring and so that kept me awake til 5 and then I went to the toilet again…
Excellent, I say.

AR @psalisbury.bsky.social · 18h

I need hearing aids, says Jeff.
Pardon, I say.
Rudi laughs.
How do you know, says Claire.
Well I can hear sounds but can't make them out, he says, sometimes Elaine's talking and it makes no sense.
That's not your fucking hearing, I say.
Elaine seethes.

AR @psalisbury.bsky.social · 18h

We've done it, shout me and Rudi.
Oh well done, says Jeff.
Elaine meanwhile has shifted over to the instructions.
Says here, she says, that the last ball should be in the middle.
Really, I say (totally deflated).
Ha ha yes, she cackles, nice try.

AR @psalisbury.bsky.social · 18h

Jeff takes over the instruction. Bear in mind he has the strategy acumen of a 5 year old.
Elaine, meanwhile, has a gin, and she's retired to the living room to harangue Claire about various things.

AR @psalisbury.bsky.social · 18h

They also bought me a solitaire game.
We've bought you a sanitary game, says E.
Nice and clean, I say.
You play it on your own, she says.
Ah right, I say.
But Ruud is on it. They close in, Jeff interested, Elaine to advise.

AR @psalisbury.bsky.social · 19h

You put it over your outside tap and it stops it from freezing when you have a frost, says Jeff.
Fantastic, I say, I was saying I needed one of those just the other day.
Elaine mutters something offensive.
I bought it but we don't have frosts, he smiles.
Right, I say.

AR @psalisbury.bsky.social · 19h

I bought you this as well, Jeff beams.
Right, I say.
You'll never guess what it is, he says.
You really won't, says Ruud.
A car, I say.
No, Elaine spits.
A beer chiller, I guess.
Now he's being funny, he's a funny man says Elaine.

AR @psalisbury.bsky.social · 19h

Happy birthday, says Jeff.
Ah fantastic, I say, these are ace.
I love the Muppets, shouts Elaine, Kermit and that pig.
That pig, laughs Rudi.
What was her name, she says.
Miss something, I say, I can't remember.
Yes, she shouts, miss..miss...
It's on the tip of her tongue.

AR @psalisbury.bsky.social · 23h

The traffic here was awful, says Jeff.
Fridays, I say.
There was a sheep tractor towing some sheep in front of us, says Elaine.
What, I say, were the sheep driving?
She scowls at me. No, they were in the trailer, she says.
Who was driving the tractor, I ask.
The man, she shouts.