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Ron Sequitur ꙮ

@ronsequitur.bsky.social

490 followers 960 following 1.6K posts

A fax machine is just a surprise printer. Reskeets mean I love you. LINKS ------ Decent Skeetcents: https://tinyurl.com/DecentSkeetcents Ron's Favstar: https://tinyurl.com/RonsFavstar

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Ron Sequitur ꙮ @ronsequitur.bsky.social · Jul 22

Take me down to the pair of mice city,
Where they have two mice; it's a two mouse city

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Ron Sequitur ꙮ @ronsequitur.bsky.social · 7h

Sorry I recorded the laugh track from Growing Pains and played it every time you paused in your story about your grandma or whatever

Ron Sequitur ꙮ @ronsequitur.bsky.social · 17h

Kiiiiiiiind of wonder what the "This is a Christian Nation" crowd has to say about a Muslim Nation (Qatar) having a facility built on US soil to train Qatari fighter pilots.

I don't really care, but I kind of wonder. This is going to require Olympics caliber Mental Gymnastics.

Boboloca @boboloca.bsky.social · 17h

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Ron Sequitur ꙮ @ronsequitur.bsky.social · 1d

I bet the first pirates were little more than some guys with a boat who would sail around and steal things from other boats.

Ron Sequitur ꙮ @ronsequitur.bsky.social · 2d

"I bought it for a song" is code for when someone burgled something.

Ron Sequitur ꙮ @ronsequitur.bsky.social · 2d

Nobody ever accused me of being verbose, or a school bus driver.

Ron Sequitur ꙮ @ronsequitur.bsky.social · 2d

Some of this was a compliment. Thank you, especially for that part.

Reposted by Ron Sequitur ꙮ

Steve Smith @edmlawyersteve.bsky.social · 2d

Another application of my “if it makes me laugh out loud, I must share it, no matter how stupid” credo.

Ron Sequitur ꙮ @ronsequitur.bsky.social · Jul 22

Take me down to the pair of mice city,
Where they have two mice; it's a two mouse city

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Ron Sequitur ꙮ @ronsequitur.bsky.social · 2d

I bet if a group of fish had a word for us, it would sound really odd to me, because I do not speak Fish.

Ron Sequitur ꙮ @ronsequitur.bsky.social · 2d

It isn't for me to say. But yes, you are a caveman.

Ron Sequitur ꙮ @ronsequitur.bsky.social · 3d

Was the bird flying into a rock??

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Ron Sequitur ꙮ @ronsequitur.bsky.social · 3d

I bet nothing was funnier to a caveman than when a bird flew into a rock.

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Ron Sequitur ꙮ @ronsequitur.bsky.social · 4d

Drinking Miller High Life out of the carcass of a rotisserie chicken come at me fuckers

andy vs. @im-all-id.me · 4d

Drinking Miller lite out of a wine glass who gives a shit anymore

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Ron Sequitur ꙮ @ronsequitur.bsky.social · 4d

Two heads are better than one, especially if one of the heads is a joke head filled with nachos.

Ron Sequitur ꙮ @ronsequitur.bsky.social · 4d

Imagine a world where you go for a walk, and you see a manhole cover, and you realize it's an Oreo. And you pick it up and start eating it. And you wonder: what else is an Oreo? But you forget about it because the manhole sized Oreo should last for a long time OH THE TIRES ON THAT TRUCK ARE OREOS

Ron Sequitur ꙮ @ronsequitur.bsky.social · 5d

ME: Why did the company send me two screen protectors when I only ordered one?

ALSO ME, 47 SECONDS LATER: [removes adhesive backing] [fumbles screen protector directly into nearest toilet and/or volcano]

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Ron Sequitur ꙮ @ronsequitur.bsky.social · 10d

Noinch noinch noinch

Ron Sequitur ꙮ @ronsequitur.bsky.social · 10d

I am the very model of a guy you'd build a model of

I have accessories, they're tiny versions of the things I love

I come inside a tiny box

It feels as if it's full of rocks

But mostly it's just beer and socks

And randomly a leather glove

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Ron Sequitur ꙮ @ronsequitur.bsky.social · 11d

One of my favorite pranks is when Zillow listings say "finished basement" and then you look and there is still wood paneling on the basement walls.

Ron Sequitur ꙮ @ronsequitur.bsky.social · 11d

Can someone with a military background tell me:

1) Is it normal for a room full of Generals and Admirals to abstain from applause for something like this?

2) If the answer to #1 is, "Yes," then shouldn't the SecDef know that?

3) If the answer to #3 is, "Yes," then what is wrong with this clown?

Farrukh @implausibleblog.bsky.social · 11d

Complete silence, not a single clap when Pete Hegseth ends with, "We are the war department" and walks off stage

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Ron Sequitur ꙮ @ronsequitur.bsky.social · 11d

Happy birthday!

Ron Sequitur ꙮ @ronsequitur.bsky.social · 12d

Hands down, the best way to show you don't have a question

Ron Sequitur ꙮ @ronsequitur.bsky.social · 12d

If you ask me, there should be a TV show about doctors in an emergency room, and all the things that happen to them, and also about how things like blenders and escalators work.

Ron Sequitur ꙮ @ronsequitur.bsky.social · 13d

My dog after I repair a toy that she had destroyed the night before

You're not Ra's Al Ghul. I watched him die. From Batman Begins.

Ron Sequitur ꙮ @ronsequitur.bsky.social · 13d

If you've made it this far, you should already know: Swagger can't be taught, it can only be bought. Set a pile of money on fire and move to Alaska.

Ron Sequitur ꙮ @ronsequitur.bsky.social · 13d

Pick the lock on the toilet paper dispenser. Shout, "WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST ON LOCKING THIS STUFF UP?" Write a limerick on the toilet paper and slide it under the bathroom door. Make it deep and not just sexual so that the police are both entertained AND moved to tears. Order tacos from Uber Eats.

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