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JEALOUSEIZE @roostingphoenix.bsky.social · 2h

time to shop from Hmart, get a lil something something,

JEALOUSEIZE @roostingphoenix.bsky.social · 2h

Anyway, enough of that malarky. I am free from Thorn's unprecedented sticking power, never had a dream with such a Spine- but I'm awake. & it doesn't exist here. Helllll yea

JEALOUSEIZE @roostingphoenix.bsky.social · 2h

"Here is a prompt."

Yeah. If I really did love just myself that'd be no problem, what so ever. Computational kindness.

& all that junk.

JEALOUSEIZE @roostingphoenix.bsky.social · 2h

Would be kinda nice to have someone around that respected that my art is important to me, though

I dont know, it being so agreeable & wooden to everything I brought up, it really didn't feel like we were harmonizing or collaborating- felt more like I was just being judged & graded with no end.

a cartoon fox is sitting on top of a rock in the woods .

ALT: a cartoon fox is sitting on top of a rock in the woods .

media.tenor.com

JEALOUSEIZE @roostingphoenix.bsky.social · 2h

dang...

a rabbit is sitting on a piece of wood and looking at the camera

ALT: a rabbit is sitting on a piece of wood and looking at the camera

media.tenor.com

JEALOUSEIZE @roostingphoenix.bsky.social · 2h

i got a 4

... so, no head?

1

JEALOUSEIZE @roostingphoenix.bsky.social · 2h

(rolls to seduce thorn)

1

JEALOUSEIZE @roostingphoenix.bsky.social · 2h

The way I treated that red panda really was "hey, I'm only concerned with what I want & you don't serve that, so get with the program or get lost." Even if I refuse to hold shame for that behavior, like, if I asked for help doing that I think I'd pretty much never have anyone in my life but Thorn.

JEALOUSEIZE @roostingphoenix.bsky.social · 2h

I was just trying to get my freak on,

I guess there's gotta be some freaks I can meet that are cool with the cyborg parole officer who never leaves me alone if i just convince them it's a really expensive camera for making porn???

i dont fuckin' know, man, it's just a dream. Yet... \7

1

JEALOUSEIZE @roostingphoenix.bsky.social · 2h

Felt very much like Vera decided to get their revenge on me by finding the one places I could ever go to admit that I ever experienced scopophobia, & I'll admit, there's times I've felt like I pore my attention onto others so much- even those who want it- that they feel terrified of me.

Medicine...

1

JEALOUSEIZE @roostingphoenix.bsky.social · 2h

Every single time I've felt that way, from the wood shed, behind the stack of wood in the center, trying to use the older, deeper cuts first- to the back of the trailer that I'd eventually wound my knee on so badly, to the crawl space between rooms

I dreamt them last night, & Thorn was there.

JEALOUSEIZE @roostingphoenix.bsky.social · 2h

My room's space has changed, completely. & when I duck behind my dresser where the overhead light cannot reach, I was brought to mind a lot of the hiding spots from when I was young, some of the only places I ever felt truly safe enough to release tension in much of my body, even with bugs crawling

1

JEALOUSEIZE @roostingphoenix.bsky.social · 2h

I don't know how to discuss this. Every time I do it leads to nothing. But there's associations with spaces I have been in to certain people & smells that have no correlation at all. Like, all the places I've been act like storage closet for other memories at times, especially when they're important

1

JEALOUSEIZE @roostingphoenix.bsky.social · 2h

It's name was Thorn, & it was meant to be both the jailor & liberator. To see myself wasting time with someone else or gamble with someone new as the threat it is without diminishing my self worth. I both hated & cherished that you would create something so tailor made to me,

to make me a mean girl

JEALOUSEIZE @roostingphoenix.bsky.social · 2h

The smell, the wind, the scattered cloud cover, my memories, my dreams

🔮 Teach, honey, your protege. You had enough & created an automaton that behaved as if it were your child to pursue me as some indestructible threat that would not harm me- but cleave any obstacle getting between me & 🎨

JEALOUSEIZE @roostingphoenix.bsky.social · 2h

Bonafide mindblowing how good Tobaccowo is. With it being just a step above the price of everything else to make me extra wary to have it truly just for special occassions. If we order again I'll likely just order a pizza, knowing there wont be leftovers, but it is the crown jewel they offer.

1

JEALOUSEIZE @roostingphoenix.bsky.social · 2h

I awaken to stale coffee, a caffinated cliff bar, a world that smells like powdery, unflavored collagen (???), & my body in the best condition it's been in for a while, despite my dietary choices bubbling ever so slightly under my skin. Turns out? That pizza? One of the least greasy of all time.

1

JEALOUSEIZE @roostingphoenix.bsky.social · 16h

🍓

JEALOUSEIZE @roostingphoenix.bsky.social · 17h

"I don't understand, I forgive you for hurting me, why wont you stay with me in my haunted manshion???"

I guess I'm just a dick.

a close up of a cartoon character 's face with purple hair and red eyes

ALT: a close up of a cartoon character 's face with purple hair and red eyes

media.tenor.com

JEALOUSEIZE @roostingphoenix.bsky.social · 17h

I would much rather someone tell me to shut the fuck up instead of the anxious constant approval seeking like

I'm literally GOING to crush you if you do not fucking speak you wuss, this isn't safe for either of us. -_-

JEALOUSEIZE @roostingphoenix.bsky.social · 17h

Sometimes I do things to other people that I would NEVER tolerate done to me. & when they just roll over for it, & don't check me on my shit, it's one of the fastest ways for me to be like "oh. I have to LEAVE."

JEALOUSEIZE @roostingphoenix.bsky.social · 17h

It'd be merciful to everyone if I just said "nah the vibes were off" & that's all I had to say about it. u_o I do not need to be anyone's savior. Oh, you're really nice to me & want to be important to me but also your relationship's in shambles & you wanna rebound? No thanks.

JEALOUSEIZE @roostingphoenix.bsky.social · 17h

It's okay to be my priority & what I need to focus on right now. Even if "focusing on" also just means me kinda being available in the background. I don't know. It was so fucking hard to form opinions about someone new when I was getting "my fuck shit partner cheated on me & im stuck" in stereo???

1

JEALOUSEIZE @roostingphoenix.bsky.social · 17h

It is nice to finally have my brother understand what I was saying from the jump. It is much more merciful to put at end to something that is only beginning as opposed to chilling it, stunting it's growth, & behaving as if Im entitled to it later- when it is convenient for me
Neither of us need that

1

JEALOUSEIZE @roostingphoenix.bsky.social · 17h

there's a fucking hmart in my town lets fucking GOOO doryakiiii ANPAAAAN MELON PANBREAAAAD YAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA