dr_rootbeer
banner
rootbeer666.bsky.social
dr_rootbeer
@rootbeer666.bsky.social
42 followers 32 following 380 posts
I may not be strong, intelligent, or cool, but rest assured, I’m also not funny, charismatic, attractive, or remotely likable; a septuple non-threat
Posts Media Videos Starter Packs
Pinned
If you sneeze, I’ll say “bless you.” H*ck, sneeze again, I’ll say it a second time. But if you sneeze a third time, I’m going to ask you to subscribe to Bless+™️
With Bless+™️, you’ll get three additional “bless yous” per day, for just $1.99* a month!
I'm honesty surprised that hasn't been happening already, given that it's right out in the open that all that slop is pretty much <<original IP>> with the serial number filed off. Maybe the studio execs thought that only *they* would have access to the button?
Heather's picks were Heather as all hell [one million percent laudatory]

Holy shit that segment was an all-timer, Craig was amazing
And yeah, I know we've been doing this for at least as long as I've been alive but I still can't bend my head around it
We really need to stop idolizing [checks notes]

...brands. Idolizing fucking brands? Nope, there's no saving us.
It just occurred to me that Betsy absolutely needs to be on an episode of Free With Ads; I hope @jordanmorris.bsky.social considers inviting her, she’d be *perfect* there
I’m just gonna make it my headcanon that LBJ is a New Englander like JFK instead of a Texan
I’m waiting for Erika Kirk to learn that harsh reality herself as she takes over Toilet Paper USA
I’ve said this about people’s driving habits of late and think it applies here: people were asked not to be selfish for a year and a half, and it absolutely broke their brains. COVID had more far-reaching effects than merely on public health.
My god I’d’ve thought this was an original Mike Post composition
Wasn’t The Lemonade That Kills You the opening track to their 1992 album, Vulgar Display of Flour?
They’re going to confirm Robert Bork to the Supreme Court posthumously in absentia; it’ll be the opposite of the cadaver synod with Pope Formosus
Congressional Medals of Freedom for the cops who firebombed a house in Philly in 1985 over a black liberation group, destroying two city blocks, killing 6 and rendering 250 homeless
Maybe you remember hearing about it on the local news?
I apologize ahead of time for putting that out in the universe
Can’t afford that so I’d just dress like Dutch Schaefer
Yeoup, came in to say this meself, these guys are super sharp and not at all unoriginal
This wasn’t pinned when I saw your profile earlier, so I looked it up myself, and I’m super glad I did. It’s a philosophy I inadvertently adopted a few years ago and didn’t even know it had a name, so thanks for that.
Yep, noticed this on another post elsewhere; I don’t block anyone, I just mute them so they don’t get the satisfaction, so I was thrown for a sec
Covid *seriously* broke people. Ask people not to be selfish for a year and a half, and everyone’s brains turn into chunks of putrefied goat offal.
It’s not just the speeders, it’s the jamokes who are enjoying dinner whilst enjoying the latest ticking tock while careening down the boulevard in their suburban uh-ssault vehicles, or the absolute hamburgers who blast through red lights well after left-turning traffic has begun moving.
[remembers dodge challenger ev exists for nanopenised jerks; slams fingers in locker door twice more]
[adjusts Dahmer specs with half a roll of tape on bridge] well ackshually fast *electric* cars do not go vrooooom
[shoves self in locker, making sure to slam fingers in door]
Surely you asked ahead of time about their spaghetti policy?
Kimmel’s back and, welp, I’m still not gonna resubscribe AHAHAHAHAHAHA suck it Mickey!
[this is because they’ll lick boot again as soon as our stunted collective attention span gloms onto some other dumb distraction]
Reposted by dr_rootbeer
Rapture day more like "Rap? Sure!" day
*beatboxes*