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I'm Not As {---} As I Look

@sayurispeaks.bsky.social

84 followers 64 following 6.3K posts

Sigh. Hiatus. Not active (much, can't predict).

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I'm Not As {---} As I Look @sayurispeaks.bsky.social · Sep 29

Hello, person reading this! I am currently on an indefinite hiatus from BlueSky. I am not even lurking the platform. I do not know when I'll be back, but I can 100% guarantee that I will be back in the future.

A FEW NOTES IN THE THREAD ABOUT THIS HIATUS:

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I'm Not As {---} As I Look @sayurispeaks.bsky.social · 31m

I'll. At least. Change my pfp.

I'm Not As {---} As I Look @sayurispeaks.bsky.social · 31m

Hope you liked that brief return to form. But I'm going away again.
A little too many things, kind of selfishly, continue to make me feel like I'm worthless.
Many other things remind me I hate being alive.
I'll never be good enough. I'll never truly be happy.

1 1

I'm Not As {---} As I Look @sayurispeaks.bsky.social · 35m

Maybe the rain has yet to pour down, OH-OH WHOA-OH-OH...
Maybe the rain has yet to pour down, OH-OH WHOA-OH-OH..."

I'm Not As {---} As I Look @sayurispeaks.bsky.social · 35m

And if the rain has nowhere to go,
And she doesn't have an umbrella,
I'll find the strength to stand by her side,
And say, "we'll be alright..."

1 1

I'm Not As {---} As I Look @sayurispeaks.bsky.social · 36m

Maybe the moonlight isn't so bad,
Some warmth would calm these troubled waters,
I'd finally touch the surface reflection,
She'll find a puddle to step in,

1 1

I'm Not As {---} As I Look @sayurispeaks.bsky.social · 36m

I'm just a standing joke and a walking contradiction,
Sitting on the thoughts I don't wanna think,
But before my eyes, I find I haven't been alone,
There's somebody there, she's dripping wet, shivering from the cold...

1 1

I'm Not As {---} As I Look @sayurispeaks.bsky.social · 36m

Maybe I just hope the rain will settle down,
And find a place for the clouds to go,
But I won't rely on the weather forecast,
I'll remember to bring an umbrella...

1 1

I'm Not As {---} As I Look @sayurispeaks.bsky.social · 37m

I only see when I'm blindfolded,
and I only feel when I'm asleep,
Sometimes, I find myself poking holes,
Through my skin to learn who I am,

1 1

I'm Not As {---} As I Look @sayurispeaks.bsky.social · 37m

But I'm not inclined to scale a rising action,
The ebb and flow draw the lines in the sand,
Either way, I feel washed ashore when looking for the words,
When I try to speak, I swallow my pleas for help...

1 1

I'm Not As {---} As I Look @sayurispeaks.bsky.social · 38m

It's a STORY of self-destruction,
A million more rough drafts thrown away,
Pinch my cheek, you'll pull out a paper,
With broken sentences...

1 1

I'm Not As {---} As I Look @sayurispeaks.bsky.social · 38m

Maybe it'll rain, and if so, I'll float up,
Though I have no umbrella to hold,
It's sad how trapped we feel in our minds,
With everywhere to go...

1 1

I'm Not As {---} As I Look @sayurispeaks.bsky.social · 39m

Maybe I'll wait for dawn to come and pass,
Some color would ease my butterflies,
It's funny how free we feel in our hearts,
While going nowhere but back home,

1 1

I'm Not As {---} As I Look @sayurispeaks.bsky.social · 39m

Now I'm sinking down, I didn't even notice,
The water turn inside out,
Somehow, this feeling isn't foreign to me, it's comforting,
Like the demons only want my company...

1 1

I'm Not As {---} As I Look @sayurispeaks.bsky.social · 39m

I fear my friends can't weather the storm,
My family's in the pond of HISTORY,
I can tell by the light of the moon,
I'm close to breaking down...

1 1

I'm Not As {---} As I Look @sayurispeaks.bsky.social · 39m

Positive end lyrics but not in a positive mood. Focus on everything up to that point for me:

"When the spring fever starts to wear off,
And I'm left gazing toward the open sky,
I feel my lungs fill with saltwater,
Then breathe out tidal waves,

1 1

I'm Not As {---} As I Look @sayurispeaks.bsky.social · 5h

If you can. I'd rather you say something in DMs. I'm not really paying attention to my notif bell nor my feeds.

I'm Not As {---} As I Look @sayurispeaks.bsky.social · 5h

Does anybody feel like they can listen to my insane ramblings tonight? If anyone's even there. I just haven't talked in awhile. But I also don't wanna just. Dump everything on someone.

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I'm Not As {---} As I Look @sayurispeaks.bsky.social · 5h

Even the strongest feel weak sometimes,
Even the gifted feel like they're worthless,
We only hope these heartstrings will resound,
In time yet to come..."

I'm Not As {---} As I Look @sayurispeaks.bsky.social · 5h

Even the highest birds must come down,
Even the brightest stars will burn out,
The moment you feel like holding on,
Your heart will break,
You'll feel hollow,
Forevermore,

1 2

I'm Not As {---} As I Look @sayurispeaks.bsky.social · 5h

Even the happiest days turn sad,
Even a beating heart can flatline,
We only hope we'll blossom into a flower,
Before we give in...

1 2

I'm Not As {---} As I Look @sayurispeaks.bsky.social · 5h

SNOWDROP,
Even the moonlight won't shine sometimes,
Even tears won't bring relief some days,
The moment you feel like you're changing,
Is the moment you're hurt and return back to life,

1 2

I'm Not As {---} As I Look @sayurispeaks.bsky.social · 5h

The calmest winds must drift away in time,
The purest souls are always birthed from impurity...

1 2

I'm Not As {---} As I Look @sayurispeaks.bsky.social · 5h

Leaving words without meaning,
Left to wander past the setting sun,
Leaving nothing but silence,
To reflect upon our weary eyes...

1 2

I'm Not As {---} As I Look @sayurispeaks.bsky.social · 5h

SNOWDROP,
Swaying like the fancies of escape,
Like a flight through make-believe nature,
MONOCHROME like archaic stories you've read a thousand times...

1 2

I'm Not As {---} As I Look @sayurispeaks.bsky.social · 5h

Even the greatest dreams won't come true,
Even the Spring can feel like Winter,
We only hope we'll wrest the heartstrings of memories,
Before they give way...

1 3