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Artyom "Captain" Shchurenkov

@shchurenkov.bsky.social

290 followers 280 following 1.9K posts

A rat broadcasting strange frequencies from the edge of the Zone. He/Him, Vtuber, Femboy, Idiot Rat. Addicted to new outfits, I can't stop pls help NO MINORS FOR THE LOVE OF GOD https://idiotrat.carrd.co 🎨: #artyomgallery 🔞: #artyomexhibition

idiotrat.carrd.co

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Artyom "Captain" Shchurenkov @shchurenkov.bsky.social · Feb 13

Ref sheet get! This is both the main and casual outfit, which are the first two I ever made!
For all your #artyomgallery needs, though I doubt for now there are many needs.

Artist is the absolutely wonderful @neronee.bsky.social !

Caution: spicy in the reply!

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Artyom "Captain" Shchurenkov @shchurenkov.bsky.social · 11h

I uh. I guess no stream tonight either. Sorry bratans. Maybe something good will happen next week. I really hope it does.

Artyom "Captain" Shchurenkov @shchurenkov.bsky.social · 18h

Maybe. But... I dunno if I'd actually come back, if I took that break.

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Artyom "Captain" Shchurenkov @shchurenkov.bsky.social · 18h

"Oh, did he just become friends to stream together to try to get a little bigger" and I just... want to hang out and have fun with my friends...

Artyom "Captain" Shchurenkov @shchurenkov.bsky.social · 18h

On top of that, sometimes it feels like I'm just not going to be able to spend time with people because I can't measure up to already established friendships. It feels sometimes like the only way to do things is to turn it into a stream, but then that feeds the question of-

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Artyom "Captain" Shchurenkov @shchurenkov.bsky.social · 18h

Honestly, I don't think I want to feast either. I just want to stop feeling like I'm dumpster diving for ham scraps.

Artyom "Captain" Shchurenkov @shchurenkov.bsky.social · 18h

I don't really have a good way to end all this, and it's kind of meandering. Thanks for listening, if you did, I guess.

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Artyom "Captain" Shchurenkov @shchurenkov.bsky.social · 18h

I know, I know, "oh boy cap is all woe is me about streaming again", but... I can't just keep a lid on things any more. If I do, I feel like it's just going to detonate at this rate. And I'd rather not say anything I don't mean out of hurt, frustration or anger ever again.

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Artyom "Captain" Shchurenkov @shchurenkov.bsky.social · 18h

-just rocket past me in much shorter time frames, while I feel like I'm stuck in concrete. Can't help but feel like it's my fault somehow, yknow? Like I'm doing something wrong, or not enough.

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Artyom "Captain" Shchurenkov @shchurenkov.bsky.social · 18h

I dunno. There's a lot going on, upstairs. It hasn't helped that streams have started to feel more and more empty, moreso than before even. And when I look at things... I've been doing this for two years now, and while I'm happy for the success of others, it's hard to watch people-

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Artyom "Captain" Shchurenkov @shchurenkov.bsky.social · 18h

I'm also not trying to make this all kicking and screaming, throwing a tantrum of "WHY WON'T ANYONE PAY ATTENTION TO MEEEE", but... no one is an island, you know? And a lot of the time, I still feel like an outsider, unable to find a way to really... get in, I guess?

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Artyom "Captain" Shchurenkov @shchurenkov.bsky.social · 18h

At the same time, the feelings of there just not being space or time for me are still present. I'm not blaming anyone for this, it's just how things are sometimes. I get it. But that doesn't make it not suck, you know?

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Artyom "Captain" Shchurenkov @shchurenkov.bsky.social · 18h

But that's also difficult in it's own way. Because while I cherish the friendships I've made doing this, it's... really difficult to do anything with those friends, by and large, because, well... it feels like they're always busy. Which, I get it, there's always some work to do. But...

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Artyom "Captain" Shchurenkov @shchurenkov.bsky.social · 18h

I don't regret doing all this, by any means. I've gotten to meet some cool people because of it, and even made a few really nice friends because of it. Even if that part took a long time because I couldn't get out of my own way.

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Artyom "Captain" Shchurenkov @shchurenkov.bsky.social · 18h

I can handle a little loneliness, but lately it's been feeling especially profound. As well, thanks to a variety of factors... I've been thinking about quitting. Wondering if maybe I should just hang up the rat ears and walk away.

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Artyom "Captain" Shchurenkov @shchurenkov.bsky.social · 18h

More though, I've been feeling a little isolated. Like... not completely, I have some very good friends to hang out with, but I mean within the small bit of vtubing space I'm in. And I know that it's largely on me, but most days I don't have the social energy to be present in many places.

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Artyom "Captain" Shchurenkov @shchurenkov.bsky.social · 18h

So, lately I've kind of been simmering in some not great thoughts. They're not really new, they're old thoughts that just keep coming back. Not being good enough, that I'm not doing enough, feeling like I don't belong... stuff that's probably pretty common, honestly.

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Artyom "Captain" Shchurenkov @shchurenkov.bsky.social · 18h

As well, back when I was in school, I generally always was making high grades, and got put I to one of those 'gifted and talented' programs. If you aren't sure why it's relevant, I'd suggest looking into Gifted Kid Burnout. And damn did I flame out hard in college.

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Artyom "Captain" Shchurenkov @shchurenkov.bsky.social · 18h

So uh, I guess to start, let's get the obvious background out of the way. I have depression, and after some conversations talking to a close friend, she suggested potentially that I might also have undiagnosed ADHD. Neither of which should be news if you know me.

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Artyom "Captain" Shchurenkov @shchurenkov.bsky.social · 19h

Bratans, I don't think I'm okay. Can we talk about that?

🧵

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Artyom "Captain" Shchurenkov @shchurenkov.bsky.social · 1d

Red Rider

Reposted by Artyom "Captain" Shchurenkov

Niki Foley @baysalt.bsky.social · 4d

#Rattober2025 Day 7: STREAMER RAT

7 400 1.3K

Artyom "Captain" Shchurenkov @shchurenkov.bsky.social · 1d

I'm sorry I'm not good enough. I'm trying my best and it really feels like it isn't working.

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Artyom "Captain" Shchurenkov @shchurenkov.bsky.social · 1d

Stream cancelled tonight. Hip hip who cares

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Artyom "Captain" Shchurenkov @shchurenkov.bsky.social · 1d

Fuck me and my stupid cheese eating life.

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Artyom "Captain" Shchurenkov @shchurenkov.bsky.social · 1d

Hey did you know I've got a bit of writing posted on the website? Did you know I'd really super appreciate it if you read it and maybe tell me what you think about it?

kyubi.moe/~artyom/

...please?

The Bunker

kyubi.moe