Lightnews — Scholar-powered news

Tame Gazelle @tamegazelle.bsky.social · 1d

I only trust one thing in the newspaper these days:

Fish & Chips.

And even that I take with a big pinch of salt.

Tame Gazelle @tamegazelle.bsky.social · 1d

I hate seeing these drunks on the street with their cans of extra strong beer.

They should pour it into a McDonald's cup like I do.

Tame Gazelle @tamegazelle.bsky.social · 1d

Violent Swedish gangs are sending assassins to execute rivals, whilst they are holidaying in the Costa del Sol.

So if you're going away, beware of the Swedish Guesthouse Mafia.

Tame Gazelle @tamegazelle.bsky.social · 5d

There's a new board game called Articulate.

But I pronounce it, Articulate.

Tame Gazelle @tamegazelle.bsky.social · 6d

Jess Philips, James O’Brien and Gary Neville enter the castle for Celebrity Traitors.

Tame Gazelle @tamegazelle.bsky.social · 11d

It’s a bit wild out 💨🍃

Footy training 7-8 for the boy, should be an interesting session.

Tame Gazelle @tamegazelle.bsky.social · 12d

Lazy Tip:

If you spill water, it will eventually dry.

1

Tame Gazelle @tamegazelle.bsky.social · 15d

Do race horses slow down when they see police horses?

1

Tame Gazelle @tamegazelle.bsky.social · 17d

I'm watching the Ryder Cup and it seems there is a link between obesity and Tourettes.

Tame Gazelle @tamegazelle.bsky.social · 25d

Before we get to Movember if anyone wants to sponsor me
to eat triangular Swiss chocolate
next month I'm doing Octoblerone.

Tame Gazelle @tamegazelle.bsky.social · 28d

Aliens: Take us to your leader.

Me: I would wait a few years.

Tame Gazelle @tamegazelle.bsky.social · 28d

Due to budget cuts, Trump will be flying to the UK on Ryanair Force One

1 1

Tame Gazelle @tamegazelle.bsky.social · Sep 15

It’s Monday AGAIN, yaay!

Living the Monday dream🤣

#MondayMotivation
#MondayMood

Tame Gazelle @tamegazelle.bsky.social · Sep 14

I saw a weird man in Costa the other day.

He was just sat there drinking coffee.

Tame Gazelle @tamegazelle.bsky.social · Sep 8

I went for a job at Chanel's perfume warehouse.

I was scent packing.

Tame Gazelle @tamegazelle.bsky.social · Sep 1

Very well put Graham.

Are these chancers going to hit the panic button in January?

1

Reposted by Tame Gazelle

Apollo Junction @apollojunction.bsky.social · Aug 29

‘What In The World’ is our second album to hit the charts.
- The 30th biggest selling album in the UK this week.
- Number 6 in the Official UK Record Store chart.
- Number 8 in the Official UK Independent Album Chart.
- And WE ARE BACK at number 1 in the Indie Breakers Chart.

2 1 8

Tame Gazelle @tamegazelle.bsky.social · Aug 28

Tame Gazelle @tamegazelle.bsky.social · Aug 27

It’s arrived!

Looking forward to giving this a spin.

Thanks guys @apollojunction.bsky.social @waxandbeans.bsky.social

2 2

Tame Gazelle @tamegazelle.bsky.social · Aug 26

I don't like to speak ill of the dead.

It's much more fun to demonize the living.

Tame Gazelle @tamegazelle.bsky.social · Aug 24

Just spotted this in my local Morrisons.

You have got to be fucking joking.

Tame Gazelle @tamegazelle.bsky.social · Aug 22

Too many cooks spoil the broth
could be paraphrased:

The more brains, the worse the soup

Tame Gazelle @tamegazelle.bsky.social · Aug 22

Rachel Reeves said that she intends to bring the state pension age back down to 65.

So long as all of your grandparents are alive and still in work.

Tame Gazelle @tamegazelle.bsky.social · Aug 22

The manager of Tesco's is asking customers to stop bringing knives into the stores.

He said, "It’s our job to rob you guys."

Reposted by Tame Gazelle

CHOPPER - Woke Boomer @unclechopperrip.bsky.social · Aug 21

Science is hard. You gotta prove it, test it, and reproduce the results.
Pseudoscience is easy. You make it up, add some fear, and watch ignorant people spread it.

95 1.1K 4.4K