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The Krautist @thekrautist.bsky.social · 2h

(Magnum. P.I. in space but with Tom Selleck and co-starring Tom Selleck's moustache.)

The Krautist @thekrautist.bsky.social · 2h

They rebooted Magnum, P.I. a few years ago and that version of Magnum doesn't even have the tache.

Like.

Why did you even bother making the show then.

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The Krautist @thekrautist.bsky.social · 3h

If you want to make sure nobody ever finds your power tools, store them in the cases they originally came in. We once spent months looking for the cordless drill because it was exactly where it belonged.

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The Krautist @thekrautist.bsky.social · 4h

As with Souls games, some will say that if you don't like Eternal it's because you're bad at it.
No, screw you, the gameplay loop just wasn't fun for reasons I have spent way too much time ranting about in my life.

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The Krautist @thekrautist.bsky.social · 4h

In The Dark Ages you're a force of nature instead. You're the guy who would, and COULD, kill God to make a point. Your mobility also isn't tied to a specific weapon so you get much more freedom there already. You don't have to bounce around the map to avoid dying in zero point nought seconds.

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The Krautist @thekrautist.bsky.social · 4h

In Eternal, even on the lowest difficulty you care to admit you played, you die very easily and the demons don't. You barely get any ammo. Your punches do virtually zero damage.
And this is the character the demons are supposed to be scared of.
Made of glass and armed with Nerf blasters.

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The Krautist @thekrautist.bsky.social · 4h

I feel much the same way about Eternal. It's trying very hard to make you play in a way I don't find enjoyable.

Luckily the next game, The Dark Ages, isn't like that at all. I enjoyed it heaps more than I did Eternal because the combat loop wasn't garbage.

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The Krautist @thekrautist.bsky.social · 6h

The difference is between "fake frames developers make you enable because they can't be fucked optimising" and "fake frames you have the option of enabling yourself" I think.

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The Krautist @thekrautist.bsky.social · 6h

PSA: Bengay is not a personal lubricant.

Or so they want you to think.

Be a rebel.

The Krautist @thekrautist.bsky.social · 7h

I didn't know "aesthetic" was a derogatory term.

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The Krautist @thekrautist.bsky.social · 7h

And then, because you didn't want to spend any more time in the menus, you never find out that it upscales to 4k from 360p, and only runs at 12fps and interpolates the rest.

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The Krautist @thekrautist.bsky.social · 7h

*checks what the word "optimized" means just in case the definition's changed*
Shut up Pitchford.

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The Krautist @thekrautist.bsky.social · 7h

The British should celebrate the fourth of July because they got rid of those lunatics.

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The Krautist @thekrautist.bsky.social · 17h

Call Frank Castle the Poonisher to his face, I dare you.

The Krautist @thekrautist.bsky.social · 18h

To this day I only have a vague idea of what a tone knob does.

In my mind it's the setting that changes it from ööööö to äääää. And that's all I can say about that.

The Krautist @thekrautist.bsky.social · 19h

I'll take a small coffee to go, please.

The Krautist @thekrautist.bsky.social · 20h

I cannot tell apart the Remington 870 and the Mossberg 590 and I'm suspicious of anybody who claims to be able to.

The Krautist @thekrautist.bsky.social · 21h

You've been playing for -9.942 hours.

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The Krautist @thekrautist.bsky.social · 1d

The robot vacuum tried to eat a windshield wiper but it caused acute indigestion.

It's like a dog you can schedule.

The Krautist @thekrautist.bsky.social · 1d

"How do you know it's exactly 37% more coffee?" my Mum asks.

Because I measured the baskets of both moka pots with calipers and worked out the volume, of course.

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The Krautist @thekrautist.bsky.social · 1d

It's a shame you have a limited supply of teeth because getting one pulled is a great excuse to bum about eating ice cream for a few days.

The Krautist @thekrautist.bsky.social · 1d

Haha Manéo Jung-Espinoza go splat

The Krautist @thekrautist.bsky.social · 1d

You know what, you're right. Wes's Amos is more Amos than Book Amos, by several nautical miles.

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The Krautist @thekrautist.bsky.social · 1d

So the six-up moka pot I got from Lidl has always made coffee that was just WAY too strong and I just found out why, because I got a six-pot Moka Express actually made by Bialetti.
The Lidl special can fit 37% more coffee than the Bialetti. That is enough to wake the dead and deaden the awake.

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The Krautist @thekrautist.bsky.social · 2d

I googled the pickups, and they're passive. So it's not that, at least.