Author | Lightnews

Uncle Brae @unclebrae.bsky.social · 20h

All I'm saying is that the idea of "intelligent design" is thrown out when you say I shouldn't touch my own genitalia for fun but your god put it well within my range of motion

Uncle Brae @unclebrae.bsky.social · 1d

Topsheets.

¿Por que?

Uncle Brae @unclebrae.bsky.social · 1d

There won't be many sparkly clean millennial men running for office. I mean... there will be, but we were all 12 when Call of Duty was at its peak. The moment one of us runs for federal office, our Xbox trash talk chats will be mass produced and instantly disseminated worldwide without any warning

Uncle Brae @unclebrae.bsky.social · 4d

My mom watches this show called Bondi Rescue and without any context I can reasonably conclude that she does not want to be rescued and rather appears she's thriving amongst her people

Uncle Brae @unclebrae.bsky.social · 4d

Have any of you got your Soros checks yet? I was told he paid all the protesters but I don't remember signing up for anything. Should I send him my routing info? Golly, this'll sure be embarrassing if I went downtown on a Saturday morning for free.

Uncle Brae @unclebrae.bsky.social · 4d

Best album of the year is a 6 song EP by some kids calling themselves Rib & The Bones and it is wonderful and they are phenomenal and I want them at the Minnesota State Fair in 2026 🙏🏻🙏🏻🙏🏻

Uncle Brae @unclebrae.bsky.social · 6d

I walked into a door typing an internet post and now I think I'm going to call out of work tomorrow

Uncle Brae @unclebrae.bsky.social · 6d

Bro if you can get a woman to look at your shiny ass bald head and think "yes, I want that for my future children" then you are doing just fine

Uncle Brae @unclebrae.bsky.social · 13d

Fuck you Tom Emmer I'm driving to protest you specifically

Uncle Brae @unclebrae.bsky.social · 14d

All the traffic lights were blinking red this morning, there's random alarms going off on the street, I have to sign into every single application at my workstation.. Is mercury in the microwave or something?

Uncle Brae @unclebrae.bsky.social · 14d

I forgot my smartwatch today after my shower which means I can skip my afternoon lunch break walk and it won't even have to know

Uncle Brae @unclebrae.bsky.social · 14d

What are you talking about, of course I have Main Character Syndrome. It's not my fault none of these people want to include me on their side quests.

Uncle Brae @unclebrae.bsky.social · 20d

I think my favorite thing about Taylor and Travis is the dichotomy between fanbases.

Swifties are saying 'omg don't you understand? She was bullied for liking popular boys and now she's a billionaire she finally gets her football player!'

and sports fans are like "happy for her but...that guy?"

Uncle Brae @unclebrae.bsky.social · 21d

I've only listened to a select few Bad Bunny songs but damn if this conservative outrage isn't making me more curious and open to his artistry

Uncle Brae @unclebrae.bsky.social · Sep 18

"there hasn't been a conservative one in years," Velveeta Voldemort says, revealing to the world that late night programming on Fox News has never been and will never be funny

Uncle Brae @unclebrae.bsky.social · Sep 16

There's gonna be another crowd size display, I guarantee it

Uncle Brae @unclebrae.bsky.social · Sep 13

Words have consequences when you refer to conservatives as fascists and Nazis.

Conversely, words evidently do not garner the same consequences when you refer to liberals as communists, socialists, evil incarnate, DemonRats, degenerates, libtards, traitors, groomers, criminals, terrorists, etc.

Uncle Brae @unclebrae.bsky.social · Sep 3

wow, my anxiety is really bad today

*buys another coffee*

Uncle Brae @unclebrae.bsky.social · Aug 22

Trump deploys the National Guard to clean up a problem that doesnt exist, issues no specific orders to do anything, then claims the problem is out of control and threatens complete and total federal takeover, because *checks notes* nothing is happening?

The fuse has been long, but heres the barrel

1

Uncle Brae @unclebrae.bsky.social · Aug 19

I propose a time skip on Thursdays. It could be one second or one hour. 12 seconds, or 12 hours. 24 seconds, or all 24 hours. It can be entirely random and entirely unconscious. I am comfortable ceding my understanding of physics in exchange for just a little respite from this decaying timeline.

Uncle Brae @unclebrae.bsky.social · Aug 19

I vote we file a complaint with the Time Lords to skip a portion of Thursdays. Hear me out.

Thursday is like Tuesday, but it's entirely inconsequential and just gets in the way between hump day and Friday. It only exists to tease and torture. I seek an end to this madness.

Uncle Brae @unclebrae.bsky.social · Aug 17

There is no way the "grab em by the pussy" guy didn't host the world's creepiest foreign dignitary and not let him do the same

Uncle Brae @unclebrae.bsky.social · Aug 10

Adulting is going to a several-hour Magic the Gathering session with your friends from college, having two less hard ciders, skipping a turn in the rotation on the blunt, and complimenting their choice in foaming hand soap in the guest bathroom

2

Uncle Brae @unclebrae.bsky.social · Aug 10

I literally didn't know who dean cain is

1

Uncle Brae @unclebrae.bsky.social · Aug 7

Hey dad

Remember when you were against the full body scanners at DFW, because you were convinced they could digitally remove your daughters clothing?

Today, you made a post in favor of "strip searching and DNA testing all professional and Olympic athletes."

You're why we don't talk.

1