Chuck DeGroat
@chuckdegroat.bsky.social
Hoping to offer goodness & beauty in this digital wilderness | Professor @westernsem | Licensed Therapist | Author | 5 Day SouI Care Intensives | PhD Psychology
It’s Halloween, and we’re all talking about who we want to be. So maybe it’s the perfect day to chat about the masks we wear and who we’re becoming.
open.substack.com/pub/sitwithc...
open.substack.com/pub/sitwithc...
Recovering Character in a Performative Age
Halloween Masks Are Not The Only Masks We Wear
open.substack.com
October 31, 2025 at 1:19 PM
It’s Halloween, and we’re all talking about who we want to be. So maybe it’s the perfect day to chat about the masks we wear and who we’re becoming.
open.substack.com/pub/sitwithc...
open.substack.com/pub/sitwithc...
Embodied wisdom. And so counterintuitive today.
Sometimes it takes a psychologist to remind us of what the Psalmists modeled for us. 
Sometimes it takes a psychologist to remind us of what the Psalmists modeled for us. 
October 12, 2025 at 12:24 AM
Embodied wisdom. And so counterintuitive today.
Sometimes it takes a psychologist to remind us of what the Psalmists modeled for us. 
Sometimes it takes a psychologist to remind us of what the Psalmists modeled for us. 
You don't quite have words, but something is off. You feel stagnant, stuck. The incessant scrolling takes you from one painful story to the next. Your days feel repetitive, resigned to the tyranny of demands, rutted for what has felt like an eternity.
open.substack.com/pub/sitwithc...
open.substack.com/pub/sitwithc...
When the Soul Grows Weary
It's More Than The Body That Keeps The Score These Days
open.substack.com
October 10, 2025 at 3:31 PM
You don't quite have words, but something is off. You feel stagnant, stuck. The incessant scrolling takes you from one painful story to the next. Your days feel repetitive, resigned to the tyranny of demands, rutted for what has felt like an eternity.
open.substack.com/pub/sitwithc...
open.substack.com/pub/sitwithc...
It’s fun to see this finally arrive. Coming October 14 - When Narcissism Comes to Church in Spanish.
a.co/d/fVy1gVy
a.co/d/fVy1gVy
Cuando el abuso espiritual entra en la iglesia: Sanando comunidades heridas por la manipulación emocional y el narcisismo (Spanish Edition): DeGroat, Chuck, Richard J. Mouw: 9788419779786: Amazon.com:...
Cuando el abuso espiritual entra en la iglesia: Sanando comunidades heridas por la manipulación emocional y el narcisismo (Spanish Edition) [DeGroat, Chuck, Richard J. Mouw] on Amazon.com. *FREE* ship...
a.co
October 2, 2025 at 7:27 PM
It’s fun to see this finally arrive. Coming October 14 - When Narcissism Comes to Church in Spanish.
a.co/d/fVy1gVy
a.co/d/fVy1gVy
What a gift to be teaching for a few days at the Young Life Good Way retreat.
“Beauty will save the world.” -Dostoevsky
“Beauty will save the world.” -Dostoevsky
September 26, 2025 at 12:39 PM
What a gift to be teaching for a few days at the Young Life Good Way retreat.
“Beauty will save the world.” -Dostoevsky
“Beauty will save the world.” -Dostoevsky
“If we desire peace, let us cultivate peace in ourselves and in our hearts.” - St Teresa of Avila
The underbelly of a narcissistic culture (and it’s narcissistic leaders) is shame and fragility, as I’ve been saying for a long time. A nervous system in perpetual survival mode.
1/4
The underbelly of a narcissistic culture (and it’s narcissistic leaders) is shame and fragility, as I’ve been saying for a long time. A nervous system in perpetual survival mode.
1/4
September 19, 2025 at 12:21 PM
“If we desire peace, let us cultivate peace in ourselves and in our hearts.” - St Teresa of Avila
The underbelly of a narcissistic culture (and it’s narcissistic leaders) is shame and fragility, as I’ve been saying for a long time. A nervous system in perpetual survival mode.
1/4
The underbelly of a narcissistic culture (and it’s narcissistic leaders) is shame and fragility, as I’ve been saying for a long time. A nervous system in perpetual survival mode.
1/4
Even self-awareness itself seems to have become a commodity – marketed, platformed, and repackaged, sometimes fueling the same narcissism we sought to escape.
(Some thoughts on how those of us who are helpers need to do our own work.)
open.substack.com/pub/sitwithc...
(Some thoughts on how those of us who are helpers need to do our own work.)
open.substack.com/pub/sitwithc...
Getting Into The Work Without Doing The Work
When Helpers Harm
open.substack.com
September 18, 2025 at 12:53 PM
Even self-awareness itself seems to have become a commodity – marketed, platformed, and repackaged, sometimes fueling the same narcissism we sought to escape.
(Some thoughts on how those of us who are helpers need to do our own work.)
open.substack.com/pub/sitwithc...
(Some thoughts on how those of us who are helpers need to do our own work.)
open.substack.com/pub/sitwithc...
When therapists like me tell someone, “Just use your voice” or “Just be yourself,” we may be unintentionally encouraging them to shift from flight into fight - or from one survival response into another. And that may set them up for further pain. 1/2
September 15, 2025 at 3:04 PM
When therapists like me tell someone, “Just use your voice” or “Just be yourself,” we may be unintentionally encouraging them to shift from flight into fight - or from one survival response into another. And that may set them up for further pain. 1/2
A prayer to center on dysregulating days:
Calm me, O Lord (inhale)
as You stilled the storm (exhale)
Still me, O Lord (inhale)
keep me from harm (exhale)
Let all the tumult (inhale)
within me cease (exhale)
Enfold me, Lord (inhale)
in Your peace (exhale)
(an ancient Celtic prayer)
Calm me, O Lord (inhale)
as You stilled the storm (exhale)
Still me, O Lord (inhale)
keep me from harm (exhale)
Let all the tumult (inhale)
within me cease (exhale)
Enfold me, Lord (inhale)
in Your peace (exhale)
(an ancient Celtic prayer)
September 13, 2025 at 1:24 PM
A prayer to center on dysregulating days:
Calm me, O Lord (inhale)
as You stilled the storm (exhale)
Still me, O Lord (inhale)
keep me from harm (exhale)
Let all the tumult (inhale)
within me cease (exhale)
Enfold me, Lord (inhale)
in Your peace (exhale)
(an ancient Celtic prayer)
Calm me, O Lord (inhale)
as You stilled the storm (exhale)
Still me, O Lord (inhale)
keep me from harm (exhale)
Let all the tumult (inhale)
within me cease (exhale)
Enfold me, Lord (inhale)
in Your peace (exhale)
(an ancient Celtic prayer)
Pardon my handwritten reflection in two images, cobbled together.
I sit with people in complicated grief every day. I sit with my own heart, as well. This is a letter to my heart – and maybe to yours as well, if you’ll receive it.
I sit with people in complicated grief every day. I sit with my own heart, as well. This is a letter to my heart – and maybe to yours as well, if you’ll receive it.
September 11, 2025 at 9:47 PM
Pardon my handwritten reflection in two images, cobbled together.
I sit with people in complicated grief every day. I sit with my own heart, as well. This is a letter to my heart – and maybe to yours as well, if you’ll receive it.
I sit with people in complicated grief every day. I sit with my own heart, as well. This is a letter to my heart – and maybe to yours as well, if you’ll receive it.
Once upon a time, I naively believed I could protect my kids from suffering.
But suffering is inevitable.
What matters most isn’t whether pain comes—it will—but whether we have to face it alone. Solitary suffering is what leaves the deepest wounds, even traumatic wounds.
But suffering is inevitable.
What matters most isn’t whether pain comes—it will—but whether we have to face it alone. Solitary suffering is what leaves the deepest wounds, even traumatic wounds.
September 10, 2025 at 1:24 PM
Once upon a time, I naively believed I could protect my kids from suffering.
But suffering is inevitable.
What matters most isn’t whether pain comes—it will—but whether we have to face it alone. Solitary suffering is what leaves the deepest wounds, even traumatic wounds.
But suffering is inevitable.
What matters most isn’t whether pain comes—it will—but whether we have to face it alone. Solitary suffering is what leaves the deepest wounds, even traumatic wounds.
“What is the value of great theological erudition or great pastoral adeptness or intense but fleeting mystical experience or social activism when there is not a well-formed heart to guide a well-formed life?”
~Henri Nouwen
~Henri Nouwen
September 8, 2025 at 7:57 PM
“What is the value of great theological erudition or great pastoral adeptness or intense but fleeting mystical experience or social activism when there is not a well-formed heart to guide a well-formed life?”
~Henri Nouwen
~Henri Nouwen
This 4th century wisdom gives me a bit of hope amidst these days of deceit, delusion, and duplicity:
“For the Lord touched all parts of creation, and freed and undeceived them all from every deceit.”
— Athanasius of Alexandria
“For the Lord touched all parts of creation, and freed and undeceived them all from every deceit.”
— Athanasius of Alexandria
September 6, 2025 at 12:17 PM
This 4th century wisdom gives me a bit of hope amidst these days of deceit, delusion, and duplicity:
“For the Lord touched all parts of creation, and freed and undeceived them all from every deceit.”
— Athanasius of Alexandria
“For the Lord touched all parts of creation, and freed and undeceived them all from every deceit.”
— Athanasius of Alexandria
I relate.
I hate to cancel. I know we made plans to get together tonight but that was 3 hours ago. I was younger then, full of hope. But now I’m tired
September 6, 2025 at 12:47 AM
I relate.
I’m doing a 5 day soul care intensive again this week with a man in midlife - a journey with common threads for each of us who’ve navigated this passage, and yet wholly unique to each man.
September 4, 2025 at 12:50 PM
I’m doing a 5 day soul care intensive again this week with a man in midlife - a journey with common threads for each of us who’ve navigated this passage, and yet wholly unique to each man.
I hit send - my manuscript on character is in the publisher’s hands now.
I’ve been down this road a number of times before, but it’s always a vulnerable moment.
And you invariably wake up in the middle of the night thinking, “I forgot to add this!“
I’ve been down this road a number of times before, but it’s always a vulnerable moment.
And you invariably wake up in the middle of the night thinking, “I forgot to add this!“
September 2, 2025 at 12:57 PM
I hit send - my manuscript on character is in the publisher’s hands now.
I’ve been down this road a number of times before, but it’s always a vulnerable moment.
And you invariably wake up in the middle of the night thinking, “I forgot to add this!“
I’ve been down this road a number of times before, but it’s always a vulnerable moment.
And you invariably wake up in the middle of the night thinking, “I forgot to add this!“
Every five hundred years the empowered structures of institutionalized Christianity, whatever they may be at that time, become an intolerable carapace that must be shattered in order that renewal and new growth may occur.
Phyllis Tickle
Phyllis Tickle
August 30, 2025 at 12:47 PM
Every five hundred years the empowered structures of institutionalized Christianity, whatever they may be at that time, become an intolerable carapace that must be shattered in order that renewal and new growth may occur.
Phyllis Tickle
Phyllis Tickle
Just because it’s not sexual sin doesn’t mean it’s not moral failure. Or to put it more positively, moral integrity encompasses far more than sexual behavior - it involves how we show up, how we lead, how we receive feedback, how we use power, and so much more.
open.substack.com/pub/sitwithchu…
open.substack.com/pub/sitwithchu…
https://open.substack.com/pub/sitwithchu…
August 22, 2025 at 12:08 PM
Just because it’s not sexual sin doesn’t mean it’s not moral failure. Or to put it more positively, moral integrity encompasses far more than sexual behavior - it involves how we show up, how we lead, how we receive feedback, how we use power, and so much more.
open.substack.com/pub/sitwithchu…
open.substack.com/pub/sitwithchu…
Looking for a Sunday afternoon read? You can access my newest Healing What’s Within at a great Kindle sale price of $3.99 right now - but likely not for long.
a.co/d/gSP34bQ
a.co/d/gSP34bQ
Healing What’s Within: Coming Home to Yourself—and to God—When You're Wounded, Weary, and Wandering
Healing What’s Within: Coming Home to Yourself—and to God—When You're Wounded, Weary, and Wandering - Kindle edition by DeGroat, Chuck, Cook, Dr. Alison. Download it once and read it on your Kindle device, PC, phones or tablets. Use features like bookmarks, note taking and highlighting while reading Healing What’s Within: Coming Home to Yourself—and to God—When You're Wounded, Weary, and Wandering.
a.co
August 17, 2025 at 5:02 PM
Looking for a Sunday afternoon read? You can access my newest Healing What’s Within at a great Kindle sale price of $3.99 right now - but likely not for long.
a.co/d/gSP34bQ
a.co/d/gSP34bQ
"Those who do not speak the words of God with humility must be advised that when they apply medicine to the sick, they must first inspect the poison of their own infection, or else by attempting to heal others, they kill themselves.”
― Pope Gregory I, The Book of Pastoral Rule, 590AD
― Pope Gregory I, The Book of Pastoral Rule, 590AD
August 14, 2025 at 2:59 PM
"Those who do not speak the words of God with humility must be advised that when they apply medicine to the sick, they must first inspect the poison of their own infection, or else by attempting to heal others, they kill themselves.”
― Pope Gregory I, The Book of Pastoral Rule, 590AD
― Pope Gregory I, The Book of Pastoral Rule, 590AD
A little poetic reflection as I write on character formation these days - amidst evolving narcissism.
August 11, 2025 at 3:14 PM
A little poetic reflection as I write on character formation these days - amidst evolving narcissism.
Naming clergy harm didn't begin a decade ago.
"Take heed to yourselves, lest your example contradict your doctrine, and lest you lay such stumbling blocks before the blind as may be the occasion of their ruin." (Richard Baxter, 1656)
"Take heed to yourselves, lest your example contradict your doctrine, and lest you lay such stumbling blocks before the blind as may be the occasion of their ruin." (Richard Baxter, 1656)
August 6, 2025 at 2:07 PM
Naming clergy harm didn't begin a decade ago.
"Take heed to yourselves, lest your example contradict your doctrine, and lest you lay such stumbling blocks before the blind as may be the occasion of their ruin." (Richard Baxter, 1656)
"Take heed to yourselves, lest your example contradict your doctrine, and lest you lay such stumbling blocks before the blind as may be the occasion of their ruin." (Richard Baxter, 1656)
"Loving humility is a terrible force."
Here’s the context:
“At some thoughts a man stands perplexed, above all at the sight of human sin, and he wonders whether to combat it by force or by humble love.
Here’s the context:
“At some thoughts a man stands perplexed, above all at the sight of human sin, and he wonders whether to combat it by force or by humble love.
July 31, 2025 at 11:59 PM
"Loving humility is a terrible force."
Here’s the context:
“At some thoughts a man stands perplexed, above all at the sight of human sin, and he wonders whether to combat it by force or by humble love.
Here’s the context:
“At some thoughts a man stands perplexed, above all at the sight of human sin, and he wonders whether to combat it by force or by humble love.