I ain’t fuckin no fat hoes

just calmly walked away from a big explosion without glancing back and i immediately regret it. i could've seen an explosion

bluesky and twitter both have annoying people but at least on bluesky the most annoying people can't pay $8/month to make me see their posts more

bahahaha oh my fucking God

Alright this platform is great and all but the “Twitter is cooked!!” discourse is getting tiring. We gotta accept that Twitter/Meta have a monopoly on social media and small shit we obsess about won’t bring that down soon. Let’s just have fun hangin out in these other spaces for a while.

Won the first bracket of a Street Fighter 2 tournament at work and everyone cheered for me and I got a trophy too big to take a photo of to post here and there were many hot women saying my wiener was nice and putting their mouths on my wiener

Do not mess with librarians. They let complete strangers borrow their books. For a living. Even the hardcovers. They are so much stronger than you know.

I feel like I was born too late because I think I would’ve been great as either one of the Little Rascals or a guy who went to prison for selling drugs to the Little Rascals

i saw the Beatboxing Puppy

ROOMMATE: hey what the hell happened to my corn
THE INVENTOR OF CREAMED CORN: pretty cool right

My coworker is an immigrant from Afghanistan. She said “I survived three wars. If you have lentils and water, we can get through this. I will make sure.”

just put a feather in my hat and yankee doodle was right. this shit is straight up macaroni

Start eating simple-but-healthy, exercising, avoiding pollutants, and saving your money now. All of the scams, misinformation, and abuses of power being run have the ultimate result of damaging your physical health or wasting your time / resources. That's what capitalism does.

As the director of the new Bob Dylan film also made the Johnny Cash one, surely someone in Hollywood is pitching a Marvel-style universe with loads of films about 1960s/70s musicians... leading up to a big Avengers one about the Travelling Willburys.

It might not be my cup of tea, but the music of Imagine Dragons makes a lot of people happy, and that's a huge problem.

“Just Google it”

Girl have you tried using Google lately?

yikes

Watching DUNE 2 and sorry but this is three adaptations in a row that don't do you the courtesy of playing "Surfin' USA" during the wormriding.

my brain every time the play by play announcer mentions Montreal Canadiens goaltender Jakub Dobeš