Andrew Nadeau
@theandrewnadeau.bsky.social
Comedian, Writer, Producer of Spitfire Comedy, Founder of PersonaEssential.com
It’s important to tell everyone you think Valentine’s Day is just a dumb, made up holiday. As opposed to all of the other holidays, found naturally occurring in the wild.
February 14, 2025 at 5:21 PM
It’s important to tell everyone you think Valentine’s Day is just a dumb, made up holiday. As opposed to all of the other holidays, found naturally occurring in the wild.
I put together the ultimate triathlon relay team. It’s me, a cheetah, and a dolphin. The only problem is the dolphin is really fucking us up on the bike section.
February 12, 2025 at 3:24 PM
I put together the ultimate triathlon relay team. It’s me, a cheetah, and a dolphin. The only problem is the dolphin is really fucking us up on the bike section.
Worst mystery novel I’ve ever read. The thing in “What to expect when you’re expecting”? It’s just a baby.
February 11, 2025 at 3:24 PM
Worst mystery novel I’ve ever read. The thing in “What to expect when you’re expecting”? It’s just a baby.
I bet Pandora would be furious about how popular unboxing videos have become.
February 8, 2025 at 3:12 AM
I bet Pandora would be furious about how popular unboxing videos have become.
Beekeeper is the least impressive job. Buddy, I’VE got bees. Getting them to leave is the hard part.
February 7, 2025 at 3:28 PM
Beekeeper is the least impressive job. Buddy, I’VE got bees. Getting them to leave is the hard part.
Made the trolley problem harder.
February 7, 2025 at 3:23 PM
Made the trolley problem harder.
The most relatable part of A Christmas Carol is a writer not making his Halloween deadline so just going, “Fuck it. They’re Christmas ghosts now.”
December 18, 2024 at 4:45 AM
The most relatable part of A Christmas Carol is a writer not making his Halloween deadline so just going, “Fuck it. They’re Christmas ghosts now.”
I would never get my kids an elf on the shelf because I wouldn’t trust an elf who had that job.
That’s clearly the kind of remote outpost assignment they give you when you fuck up so bad they want to fire you but can’t risk making the reason why public.
That’s clearly the kind of remote outpost assignment they give you when you fuck up so bad they want to fire you but can’t risk making the reason why public.
December 17, 2024 at 3:50 PM
I would never get my kids an elf on the shelf because I wouldn’t trust an elf who had that job.
That’s clearly the kind of remote outpost assignment they give you when you fuck up so bad they want to fire you but can’t risk making the reason why public.
That’s clearly the kind of remote outpost assignment they give you when you fuck up so bad they want to fire you but can’t risk making the reason why public.
mary: well, I just had a baby… in a barn. so, thanks to everyone who brought gifts. the gold, the perfumes. all things babies love.
also the child who inexplicably played drums, like, right in my face.
this… this was great.
also the child who inexplicably played drums, like, right in my face.
this… this was great.
December 12, 2024 at 4:43 PM
mary: well, I just had a baby… in a barn. so, thanks to everyone who brought gifts. the gold, the perfumes. all things babies love.
also the child who inexplicably played drums, like, right in my face.
this… this was great.
also the child who inexplicably played drums, like, right in my face.
this… this was great.
becoming a dentist because I have a LOT of opinions on which toothpaste I recommend but right now nobody cares
November 28, 2024 at 3:54 AM
becoming a dentist because I have a LOT of opinions on which toothpaste I recommend but right now nobody cares
Reposted by Andrew Nadeau
wife: i’m leaving you
me: [stuck in a water slide] good idea go get help
me: [stuck in a water slide] good idea go get help
November 26, 2024 at 6:48 PM
wife: i’m leaving you
me: [stuck in a water slide] good idea go get help
me: [stuck in a water slide] good idea go get help
Everyone got SO MAD when I started singing Gravity during the movie! Like I’m sorry but I PAID to be here. It’s not my fault Wicked was sold out and I had to see Gladiator II.
November 26, 2024 at 4:42 PM
Everyone got SO MAD when I started singing Gravity during the movie! Like I’m sorry but I PAID to be here. It’s not my fault Wicked was sold out and I had to see Gladiator II.
Actually “Happy Holidays” is way more offensive than Christmas greetings because nobody is happy now.
The only PC greetings in 2024 are, “Hope global warming doesn’t ruin your trip” and, “Sorry your grandpa is racist, just try to enjoy the ham.”
The only PC greetings in 2024 are, “Hope global warming doesn’t ruin your trip” and, “Sorry your grandpa is racist, just try to enjoy the ham.”
November 25, 2024 at 6:32 AM
Actually “Happy Holidays” is way more offensive than Christmas greetings because nobody is happy now.
The only PC greetings in 2024 are, “Hope global warming doesn’t ruin your trip” and, “Sorry your grandpa is racist, just try to enjoy the ham.”
The only PC greetings in 2024 are, “Hope global warming doesn’t ruin your trip” and, “Sorry your grandpa is racist, just try to enjoy the ham.”
Trying to teach kids about the source material so before Wicked I made them watch Wizard of Oz, The Wiz, and all 6 seasons of Oz.
November 25, 2024 at 6:31 AM
Trying to teach kids about the source material so before Wicked I made them watch Wizard of Oz, The Wiz, and all 6 seasons of Oz.
friend: I just can’t tell if she liked me, like we just hugged goodbye
me: like a half hug or full? how many arms did she use?
friend (forgot to mention my friend is an octopus that’s important now): like, 5?
me: damn man, yeah, I dunno then
me: like a half hug or full? how many arms did she use?
friend (forgot to mention my friend is an octopus that’s important now): like, 5?
me: damn man, yeah, I dunno then
July 25, 2023 at 5:00 PM
friend: I just can’t tell if she liked me, like we just hugged goodbye
me: like a half hug or full? how many arms did she use?
friend (forgot to mention my friend is an octopus that’s important now): like, 5?
me: damn man, yeah, I dunno then
me: like a half hug or full? how many arms did she use?
friend (forgot to mention my friend is an octopus that’s important now): like, 5?
me: damn man, yeah, I dunno then
Found out it’s $3000 to get laser eye surgery and $300 to get laser hair removal so I’m just gonna get the hair removal on my eyebrows and scootch up a bit when they start.
July 1, 2023 at 10:22 PM
Found out it’s $3000 to get laser eye surgery and $300 to get laser hair removal so I’m just gonna get the hair removal on my eyebrows and scootch up a bit when they start.
Imagine you were a vampire nowhere near the Middle East and don’t know who Jesus is but the day after he dies you gotta figure out why lower case t’s started hurting.
June 11, 2023 at 4:54 PM
Imagine you were a vampire nowhere near the Middle East and don’t know who Jesus is but the day after he dies you gotta figure out why lower case t’s started hurting.
me: did you know there’s a complex named after you
oedipus: haha, I’m not surprised, I was king, defeated the sphinx, stopped a plague! what part of my life is it named after?
me:
oedipus: andrew? what par—what did they name it after?
oedipus: haha, I’m not surprised, I was king, defeated the sphinx, stopped a plague! what part of my life is it named after?
me:
oedipus: andrew? what par—what did they name it after?
June 11, 2023 at 2:10 AM
me: did you know there’s a complex named after you
oedipus: haha, I’m not surprised, I was king, defeated the sphinx, stopped a plague! what part of my life is it named after?
me:
oedipus: andrew? what par—what did they name it after?
oedipus: haha, I’m not surprised, I was king, defeated the sphinx, stopped a plague! what part of my life is it named after?
me:
oedipus: andrew? what par—what did they name it after?
Reposted by Andrew Nadeau
No one wants to hang out with me anymore ever since I got a bad personality and became evil
June 10, 2023 at 6:35 PM
No one wants to hang out with me anymore ever since I got a bad personality and became evil
Hi everyone, welcome to ventriloquist club! The first rule here is do not talk about ventriloquist club…with your lips moving.
Haha, just a little joke to get us started.
Obviously the first rule is don’t fall in love with your puppet.
Haha, just a little joke to get us started.
Obviously the first rule is don’t fall in love with your puppet.
June 10, 2023 at 6:57 PM
Hi everyone, welcome to ventriloquist club! The first rule here is do not talk about ventriloquist club…with your lips moving.
Haha, just a little joke to get us started.
Obviously the first rule is don’t fall in love with your puppet.
Haha, just a little joke to get us started.
Obviously the first rule is don’t fall in love with your puppet.
[explaining the plot of my favorite book to my date]
me: so you know how most caterpillars are only a little hungry?
me: so you know how most caterpillars are only a little hungry?
June 2, 2023 at 1:53 AM
[explaining the plot of my favorite book to my date]
me: so you know how most caterpillars are only a little hungry?
me: so you know how most caterpillars are only a little hungry?
ME: Please, I beg you, just tell me the ingredients.
RECIPE SITE: Sure!
ME: Thank you.
RECIPE SITE: After I explain WHY I love these ingredients—
ME: *Whispers* No.
RECIPE SITE: —It was a crisp, fall evening, and I, a wide-eyed college student, was studying in Rome.
RECIPE SITE: Sure!
ME: Thank you.
RECIPE SITE: After I explain WHY I love these ingredients—
ME: *Whispers* No.
RECIPE SITE: —It was a crisp, fall evening, and I, a wide-eyed college student, was studying in Rome.
May 4, 2023 at 7:56 PM
ME: Please, I beg you, just tell me the ingredients.
RECIPE SITE: Sure!
ME: Thank you.
RECIPE SITE: After I explain WHY I love these ingredients—
ME: *Whispers* No.
RECIPE SITE: —It was a crisp, fall evening, and I, a wide-eyed college student, was studying in Rome.
RECIPE SITE: Sure!
ME: Thank you.
RECIPE SITE: After I explain WHY I love these ingredients—
ME: *Whispers* No.
RECIPE SITE: —It was a crisp, fall evening, and I, a wide-eyed college student, was studying in Rome.
The year is 2030. Bakery art is so realistic, literally anything could be cake. The uncertainty has gripped the world in fear. I go to hug my wife for comfort. She is cake.
May 4, 2023 at 7:49 PM
The year is 2030. Bakery art is so realistic, literally anything could be cake. The uncertainty has gripped the world in fear. I go to hug my wife for comfort. She is cake.
Millennials, quit whining. I paid off $150,000 in student loans and own a $400,000 home, because I SAVE. It’s not that hard. I
-Make coffee at home
-Bus instead of Uber
-Shop sales
-Had parents pay off my loans & buy me a house because I’m daddy’s special boy
-Got Hulu with ads
-Make coffee at home
-Bus instead of Uber
-Shop sales
-Had parents pay off my loans & buy me a house because I’m daddy’s special boy
-Got Hulu with ads
May 3, 2023 at 2:57 PM
Millennials, quit whining. I paid off $150,000 in student loans and own a $400,000 home, because I SAVE. It’s not that hard. I
-Make coffee at home
-Bus instead of Uber
-Shop sales
-Had parents pay off my loans & buy me a house because I’m daddy’s special boy
-Got Hulu with ads
-Make coffee at home
-Bus instead of Uber
-Shop sales
-Had parents pay off my loans & buy me a house because I’m daddy’s special boy
-Got Hulu with ads
time traveler: i love your volcano
pompeiian: our what?
time traveler: your mountain, your normal mountain
pompeiian: our what?
time traveler: your mountain, your normal mountain
April 28, 2023 at 2:11 PM
time traveler: i love your volcano
pompeiian: our what?
time traveler: your mountain, your normal mountain
pompeiian: our what?
time traveler: your mountain, your normal mountain