Also I was nervous about posting NSFW but saw that a bit back it stemmed from being NSFW so hopefully that's ooookay. *thumbs up*

4-Omfg and it's made worse because on some of these I think we've come to an understanding ("Oh, its like when I watch some guy machine a screw for 4 hours") he'll forget 2 days later and go back to being an ass about my kid watching LDShadowlady or something ("I think she needs a boyfriend")

3-And to get this from everyone because you stand out as "this person is x so I can ask them about x issue"... I understood the concept before but now... ugh the rage I feel at even thinking about the trap conversations I have with my dad where I have to defend... idk... watching "lets plays."

2-Because of the power dynamic I have to weigh every time if I want to engage in this conversation with a dad who I would enjoy having a conversation with but the "trap" conversations can literally enrage/depress me for days... but the risk of not engaging could also make for a pissy dad

And I was told this is a move insurance companies are making across the board... federally...

Ours is through my SOs work... Cigna... but issue is they've just told me, after weeks of trying to get them to move their asses with the prior auth, that next year they will not cover chemical or physical gender affirming care. Thanks to their foot dragging a December surgery is unlikely.

I let myself get hope that I wouldn't have to... live with this anymore. I have support, people who love me, and I know there's still options to chase but... I don't want to live with this anymore after letting myself dream... I... just... can't. And why? Why is it so bad?

I have therapist and doctor support, backed by current day science and psychology, saying T and top surgery are ok and valid and will help me not throw myself off a bridge... that it's medical care. So why? Why do I need to keep these tumors just for someone elses comfort? Their sick satisfaction?

Plus the ASCP is a bunch of bullshit. NOT a union but I'm paying them dues WHY?! When said hospital was hiring uncertified techs anyways? And over my certified coworkers who were trying for a better position as well? *deep breath*

... it's a THC night I think. 🎱👄🎱

And I LIKED labwork but hospital labs are SO toxic and that's almost all we have in the US. Research lab was better but histo is such a small community that everyone knows everyone and everyone is a catty bitch. That environment right after retail hell just messed me up good.

Lol yeah that's exactly the issue. If I had a counselor worth anything they would have sat me down and had me look for what jobs I WANTED and then looked at what those jobs were looking for in experience/degrees/certs. By the time I figured that out it was the crash and NOBODY was getting a job.

I suppose change "realize" to "admit" cause that was honestly part of what that first crashout was about...

There was a whole "fighting fate" theme going on and the turn of the millenium and before... sucked for queerness in general.