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brainplan.bsky.social
brainplan
@brainplan.bsky.social
210 followers 540 following 2.7K posts
Phillies, Lifetime movie, Cop Rock, discontinued McDonald’s menu items/ad campaigns enthusiast. But we don’t have to talk about any of that, we can talk about your things, whatever.
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brainplan.bsky.social
good afternoon
Gwendoline Christie at the 2025 Fashion Awards wearing an awesomely gigantic teased out blonde wig (it is enormous, like four times the size of her head; it looks like Margaret Thatcher meets Andy Warhol, you’re welcome for the very current references) I added a bird and egg emojis to the wig because I thought it looked like a bird’s nest
December 2, 2025 at 8:27 PM
brainplan.bsky.social
MAGA*
screenshot of Trump stretched vertically to make it appear he has a gigantic head, like way bigger than his actual fat canned ham of a head
December 2, 2025 at 7:22 PM
brainplan.bsky.social
light a candle, it is the first #RockOnTuesday of Advent
extremely low res pic of Michael “Danny Romalotti” Damian that appears to be from the late 1980s/early 1990s Damian’s rocking a black leather jacket with graphic tee underneath and his hair is teased out as fuck—think later seasons Stamos on Full House and you get the idea in the upper left hand corner, black text reads #RockOnTuesday
December 2, 2025 at 3:39 PM
brainplan.bsky.social
it is his day once again, where has the year gone
a cartoon drawn in black rollerball ink on a sheet of mini yellow legal pad paper depicting Advent Calendar Head he is wearing a black turtleneck, plaid pants, and white shoes and true to his name, his head is an advent calendar, the box kind with the little containers for every day that hold a treat or something inside the caption reads “YES - ALL OF THE COMPARTMENTS IN HIS ADVENT CALENDAR HEAD HAVE BEEN OPENED AND EMPTIED. THEY HAD CHOCOLATE IN THEM, SO HE OPENED THEM ALL YEARS AGO - PRETTY MUCH AT THE EARLIEST POSSIBLE AGE HE WAS ABLE TO COMPREHEND THAT HE HAD A HEAD FULL OF CHOCOLATE. I MEAN, CAN YOU BLAME HIM?”
December 1, 2025 at 10:37 PM
brainplan.bsky.social
received a notice at work that it’s time to do year-end self evals and among the bullet points of things to keep in mind during this process was “leverage copilot to help you brainstorm and organize some notes” and folks
a pic published by USA Today from the National Dog Show of a tiny dog with white and beige coloring being somewhat aggressively handled by its owner or trainer one of the dog’s eyes is partially shut, giving the dog an expression that makes it look like it just woke up from a long nap
December 1, 2025 at 4:50 PM
brainplan.bsky.social
this is getting ridiculous, prices are out of control

it’s going to cost us well over $1000 for a Christmas tree this year! (50 blown glass Magnum ornaments + whatever the tree costs)
online ad for a “Tom Selleck ornament” made by Cody Foster & Co and listed under “Art & Decor” by the merchant selling it it is a blown glass ornament that is a portrait bust of Magnum, P.I. era Tom Selleck, featuring a partly unbuttoned Hawaiian shirt and chest hair peeking out and everything it’s a stunning likeness; if you didn’t know any better you’d think this listing featured an actual screenshot from an episode of Magnum (jk, it is a very janky likeness of Thomas Magnum, pretty fantastic in its badness, imo)
November 29, 2025 at 6:15 PM
brainplan.bsky.social
fans at the Linc today
pic from The Matrix where they’re all wearing dark black shades and black clothing
November 28, 2025 at 5:28 PM
brainplan.bsky.social
happy Thanksgiving, ya turkeys
a cartoon drawing of a turkey wearing a Joey Ramone style black and white horizontal striped t-shirt, black leather jacket, and red tinted shades; the turkey also has a Joey Ramone style haircut the turkey is saying “gobble gobble hey.” and the caption reads TURKEY RAMONE
November 27, 2025 at 12:58 PM
brainplan.bsky.social
folks, it is Thanksgiving Eve
a black and white headshot of Eve “Jan Brady” Plumb that appears to be from the 1980s or early 1990s she is wearing an acid washed jean jacket with the collar partially popped and her hair appears to be pulled back into a ponytail with a side part; her bangs are combed up in a wet look that appears to have involved a good amount of gel and/or some other product a speech balloon coming from her mouth reads “I am going to eat turkey tomorrow” a black and white headshot of Eve “Jan Brady” Plumb that appears to be from the 1980s or early 1990s she is wearing an acid washed jean jacket with the collar partially popped and her hair appears to be pulled back into a ponytail with a side part; her bangs are combed up in a wet look that appears to have involved a good amount of gel and/or some other product a speech balloon coming from her mouth reads “and pie” I don’t think I have used the word “appears” enough in this alt text or the alt text for the other pic in this post, my apologies
November 27, 2025 at 1:13 AM
brainplan.bsky.social
our “we use 100% real chicken in our soups” post is raising a lot of questions already answered by our post
damage control social media post from Campbell’s (following the leak of comments from a former Campbell’s exec who was caught talking shit about Campbell’s products and the people who buy them) with the Campbell’s wordmark at the top of the image; below it text reads: “We're proud of the food we make and the high-quality ingredients we use. Our soups are made with 100% real, antibiotic-free chicken from the U.S. We're thankful for the millions of people who buy and enjoy our food. For more than 150 years, we've made food that we serve at our own tables, and we'll continue to do so for everyone who invites us into their homes. We use quality ingredients and real chicken - always.”
November 26, 2025 at 11:15 PM
brainplan.bsky.social
I realize this is low on the list of things that suck but “man, FUCK Vince the ShamWow guy” is not a thought that should be taking up space in my brain these days, I should have zero thoughts whatsoever about ShamWow guy in the year 2025
screenshot from a New York Post social media item featuring a pic of Vince the ShamWow guy; the headline reads “‘ShamWow’ guy Vince Shlomi files for Texas Congress run as GOP candidate” the accompanying caption reads “His decision to run for office was ultimately motivated by a desire to "destroy wokeism" and as a tribute to the late Charlie Kirk.”
November 25, 2025 at 7:07 PM
brainplan.bsky.social
how your email finds me
screenshot of the headline of an article from Vulture reading “I’m Being Driven Insane by Wicked: For Good’s Sex Cardigan”
November 25, 2025 at 4:43 PM
brainplan.bsky.social
I know this is a week where no one’s motivated to do anything but I need you all to dig down deep and find it in yourselves to rock on because it’s #RockOnTuesday
extremely low res pic of Michael “Danny Romalotti” Damian that appears to be from the late 1980s/early 1990s Damian’s rocking a black leather jacket with graphic tee underneath and his hair is teased out as fuck—think later seasons Stamos on Full House and you get the idea in the upper left hand corner, black text reads #RockOnTuesday
November 25, 2025 at 3:18 PM
brainplan.bsky.social
this is, of course, a typo on the banner, which should read:

KEEP CHRISTIN’ THANKSGIVING

(Christin’ = proselytizing = handing out Chick Gospel Tracts to everyone at Thanksgiving dinner)
a banner pinned on a chain link fence which reads KEEP CHRIST “IN” THANKSGIVING
November 24, 2025 at 7:50 PM
brainplan.bsky.social
pictured: Elon Musk, describing what his head looks like HAHAHA GOTTEM
Elon Musk on Joe Rogan’s podcast for dipshits; the closed captioning reads “VULGAR ROAST.”
November 24, 2025 at 3:06 PM
brainplan.bsky.social
when it is 9 PM on any evening after Daylight Saving Time has ended and you ask me what time it is
screenshot from the music video for matchbox twenty’s “3AM” with Rob Thomas singing and the closed captioning reads “it’s 3am”
November 24, 2025 at 2:08 AM
brainplan.bsky.social
I used to think that love was just a fairy tale,

until that first hello
until that first smile
the pope singing or speaking into a mic, looking like he’s about to bring the house down during the first top 12 week on American Idol
November 23, 2025 at 2:48 AM
brainplan.bsky.social
I hope this is mostly about the making of Rock Swings
ad from HBO featuring a sepia toned pic of a young Paul Anka with the text HBO ORIGINAL PAUL ANKA HIS WAY NEW DOCUMENTARY DECEMBER 1 HBOmax
November 21, 2025 at 7:20 PM
brainplan.bsky.social
“make me look like a Chuck Close portrait,” their clients are saying
pic that accompanied a social media post from huffpost with the headline “Plastic Surgeons Are Noticing 1 Unsettling Trump-Related Trend” above the headline are pics of Trump (at L) and a mystery lady (at R) whose face is pixelated to protect their privacy and is definitely not Kristi Noem so don’t worry about that
November 21, 2025 at 12:22 AM
brainplan.bsky.social
calling off work because I stepped outside and conked my head on a hunk of fog
screenshot from my weather app this morning that reads: ⚠️ WEATHER ALERT Freezing Fog Advisory
November 20, 2025 at 3:57 PM
brainplan.bsky.social
it is International Men’s Day and as a man myself (barely, technically) I think we can all agree that real life men have blown it so let’s focus our energies on celebrating the world’s greatest fictional man:
print ad for the Sport & Shave Ken doll, ad copy reads: It's Ken® with a whole new look for 1980! He's athletic. He's all man. He even “shaves"! Kids can draw a beard on his face, then "shave" it off. Again and again. Or draw funny mustaches. It's fun! They can pretend he's a tennis star or marathon runner with or without a mustache. He's got a big date with glamorous Barbie® doll and he's been working out all day. Never fear - everything's included to help him get ready. Our man Ken comes with beard marker, shaving mug, 2 "shavers,” after shave/cologne bottle, toothbrush, toothpaste tube, hairbrush, comb, hair dryer, wristwatch, tennis racket, jacket, shorts, long pants, shoes. 4-color chip pics included are of a child “shaving” Sport & Shave Ken, detail of the facial hair being drawn on Ken’s face with the beard marker, Ken being “shaved,” Ken in his “Sport” tennis outfit, his “night on the town with Barbie long pants and scandalously revealing satiny shirt, all of the accessories which were definitely not choking and/or shoving up your nose/in your ears hazards for little kids
November 20, 2025 at 1:45 AM
brainplan.bsky.social
FINE, I’ll do it
social media post from Variety featuring a pic of Sylvester Stallone in a snazzy suit and cool guy shades with the headline “Showrunner Wanted: 'Tulsa King' Goes Into Season 4 Without Creative Lead On Set”
November 19, 2025 at 6:01 PM
brainplan.bsky.social
reading rumors that the Pirates are in on Schwarber
Tim Robinson “you sure about that?” face
November 19, 2025 at 1:31 AM
brainplan.bsky.social
I found all of that Olivia Nuzzi mess to be pretty funny up until about 24 hours ago, and then it was like a switch flipped and now I every time I see something about it
detail of the panel from Watchmen where Doctor Manhattan is saying “I AM TIRED OF EARTH. THESE PEOPLE. I AM TIRED OF BEING CAUGHT IN THE TANGLE OF THEIR LIVES.”
November 18, 2025 at 7:02 PM
brainplan.bsky.social
people keep asking if we’re having #RockOnTuesday next week since it’s Thanksgiving week and I need you people to focus and practice some mindfulness or whatever, there is a #RockOnTuesday happening TODAY, right now, you should already be rocking on as you’re reading this COME ON
extremely low res pic of Michael “Danny Romalotti” Damian that appears to be from the late 1980s/early 1990s Damian’s rocking a black leather jacket with graphic tee underneath and his hair is teased out as fuck—think later seasons Stamos on Full House and you get the idea in the upper left hand corner, black text reads #RockOnTuesday
November 18, 2025 at 2:58 PM