Carson Olshansky
@carsonolshansky.bsky.social
Writer and comic 🤙
They/them
They/them
Being nonbinary is awesome if you love doing multivariable calc every time you get the check on a date
September 27, 2025 at 7:49 PM
Being nonbinary is awesome if you love doing multivariable calc every time you get the check on a date
I love when someone offers me a cigarette, cause it means they haven’t figured out my whole deal yet
May 17, 2025 at 3:06 AM
I love when someone offers me a cigarette, cause it means they haven’t figured out my whole deal yet
The coolest thing a person can be is in love with one of my friends. More people should be in love with one of my friends.
April 19, 2025 at 6:46 PM
The coolest thing a person can be is in love with one of my friends. More people should be in love with one of my friends.
So beautiful to see all these New Yorkers out celebrating the first hot stinky garbage smell day of the year 🌸
April 19, 2025 at 4:10 PM
So beautiful to see all these New Yorkers out celebrating the first hot stinky garbage smell day of the year 🌸
Running into acquaintances is so scary. Oh, so now some random guy gets to know what it looks like when I go from my regular face to my people face?
April 13, 2025 at 7:09 PM
Running into acquaintances is so scary. Oh, so now some random guy gets to know what it looks like when I go from my regular face to my people face?
One of the most beautiful displays of human nature is when someone comes into a space for the first time and tries to make fun of someone else for being an idiot, but then everyone else is like “hey! That’s OUR idiot!”
March 19, 2025 at 4:42 AM
One of the most beautiful displays of human nature is when someone comes into a space for the first time and tries to make fun of someone else for being an idiot, but then everyone else is like “hey! That’s OUR idiot!”
Sometimes, a music person will use a term like “slowcore” that makes me feel stupid, and then I’ll start using that term and making other people feel stupid, and this is how we perpetuate the cycle of being unpleasant to talk to
March 14, 2025 at 1:42 PM
Sometimes, a music person will use a term like “slowcore” that makes me feel stupid, and then I’ll start using that term and making other people feel stupid, and this is how we perpetuate the cycle of being unpleasant to talk to
Keeping in touch with heterosexual culture by having a fast-casual salad bowl in midtown
March 5, 2025 at 5:10 PM
Keeping in touch with heterosexual culture by having a fast-casual salad bowl in midtown
Tired of having friends who challenge me to be better. Time to make friends who make me think “least I’m not that guy”
February 26, 2025 at 11:02 PM
Tired of having friends who challenge me to be better. Time to make friends who make me think “least I’m not that guy”
New Substack is up about nudity, egg freezing, dysphoria, and the arbitrariness of examination room rules
open.substack.com/pub/reviewmo...
open.substack.com/pub/reviewmo...
February 25, 2025 at 5:38 PM
New Substack is up about nudity, egg freezing, dysphoria, and the arbitrariness of examination room rules
open.substack.com/pub/reviewmo...
open.substack.com/pub/reviewmo...
Reposted by Carson Olshansky
Brooklyn: I'm doing a What's New? show on Sunday at Union Hell telling a bunch of new jokes! And I've got very funny guests Myq Kaplan, Carson Olshansky, and Hoodo Hersi who will be telling jokes too! Yes, you'll miss the first quarter of the Super Bowl. It's fine! Tickets:
Josh Gondelman: What's New?
Josh Gondelman: What's New? - Sunday, February 9 - 4:30pm Doors / 5:00pm Show
www.eventbrite.com
February 6, 2025 at 5:23 PM
Brooklyn: I'm doing a What's New? show on Sunday at Union Hell telling a bunch of new jokes! And I've got very funny guests Myq Kaplan, Carson Olshansky, and Hoodo Hersi who will be telling jokes too! Yes, you'll miss the first quarter of the Super Bowl. It's fine! Tickets:
Hot chocolate is the perfect sweet treat for when you wanna be reminded that nothing is ever as you remember it and innocence, once gone, is lost forever
January 21, 2025 at 9:18 PM
Hot chocolate is the perfect sweet treat for when you wanna be reminded that nothing is ever as you remember it and innocence, once gone, is lost forever
Reposted by Carson Olshansky
anyway maybe the wrong time but one thing i did to procrastinate on writing last week is watch a bunch of davinci resolve tutorials to make it look like mulholland drive aired on the disney channel in 2007
January 17, 2025 at 12:21 AM
anyway maybe the wrong time but one thing i did to procrastinate on writing last week is watch a bunch of davinci resolve tutorials to make it look like mulholland drive aired on the disney channel in 2007
Working on this new idea for a world where people are nice
January 14, 2025 at 9:48 PM
Working on this new idea for a world where people are nice
My mom used to sing me “Both Sides Now” as a lullaby, so by the time I was watching Teletubbies, I was like “well this is only half the story”
January 8, 2025 at 2:09 PM
My mom used to sing me “Both Sides Now” as a lullaby, so by the time I was watching Teletubbies, I was like “well this is only half the story”
It’s so important for schools to fund arts programs. Otherwise, how will kids who don’t know they’re trans yet find other kids who don’t know they’re trans yet to have weirdly charged friendships with?
January 3, 2025 at 2:49 PM
It’s so important for schools to fund arts programs. Otherwise, how will kids who don’t know they’re trans yet find other kids who don’t know they’re trans yet to have weirdly charged friendships with?
If you text someone “so???” at 12:05 on new years, it means did you kiss
January 1, 2025 at 6:33 AM
If you text someone “so???” at 12:05 on new years, it means did you kiss
Crazy that we teach kids about dinosaurs immediately. Like, you like these guys? Well the passage of time is irreversible, and extinction is inevitable.
December 17, 2024 at 2:44 PM
Crazy that we teach kids about dinosaurs immediately. Like, you like these guys? Well the passage of time is irreversible, and extinction is inevitable.
I need more 23-year-old friends. Stories are no fun when everyone in them makes mature, reasonable decisions.
December 11, 2024 at 5:03 PM
I need more 23-year-old friends. Stories are no fun when everyone in them makes mature, reasonable decisions.
Host: hey, you’re up next. What credit should I use?
*5 min later*
You may know this next comic from the time they wrote a letter so considerate it made their therapist tear up. Put your hands together for Carson Olshansky!
*5 min later*
You may know this next comic from the time they wrote a letter so considerate it made their therapist tear up. Put your hands together for Carson Olshansky!
December 5, 2024 at 11:47 PM
Host: hey, you’re up next. What credit should I use?
*5 min later*
You may know this next comic from the time they wrote a letter so considerate it made their therapist tear up. Put your hands together for Carson Olshansky!
*5 min later*
You may know this next comic from the time they wrote a letter so considerate it made their therapist tear up. Put your hands together for Carson Olshansky!