Crumbs, I'm not quite sure I can bring myself to listen... But thanks for the heads-up! Perhaps I'll arm myself with a couple of strong drinks and have a go, later.

I always rather liked this take on a similar question... Goes a bit harder than Joan’s perhaps!

youtu.be/e1OvMtCZHGA

Wow. Just... wow.

I think you need to- gawd, I don't even know where to begin. I think you need to not do this, or anything like this, ever again.

Oof... It's been a bit of a while since I've set foot in the pages of Holyrood. Dare I?

I'm pretty sure 'Saxton Bampfylde' was one of the hobbits who got too drunk at Bilbo's birthday party and ended up floating down the Brandywine before coming to rest at a helpful weir.

Happy birthday, and thank you, and well done, and good grief you're cool, and happy birthday again!

"He's a luxury prince."

I think you have to put your phone between your feet, shove your head down between your knees, and just stare at the old @penisnow account on Twitter, to await updates.

Could be a while, by the looks of things.