It's excruciating because they both just want to be happy but they don't have the ability to find a good person because we weren't raised to even know what that looks like. I'm seriously so fucking tired

They have had everything handed to them & everything else came easy. They demand the attention of everyone. They manage to drain the life out of everyone around them & then have the audacity to ask why everyone hates them. I've watched both of my siblings go through toxic relationships for years.

Think of how it makes you feel when someone is never held accountable for their actions & never has to apologize for the decades of trauma they have inflicted. They get to keep skating through life with no consequences. Oh & they are a grown ass adult who has never had to solve their own problems.

I don't trust myself to find a non-asshole partner so I'll be single for 10,000 lifetimes before I spend any amount of time with someone who even remotely reminds me of my dad. & yes I have a therapist so I'm fully aware of how fucked up this sounds.

I'm planning to rewatch it from the beginning before the next episodes come out so I'm sure I'll have lots of dumb, random thoughts & opinions on things.

Which in turn saved everyone who didn't die during the MAC Z battle (& Robin & Lucas). Basically Vecna thinks he's hot shit but he is underestimating everyone. These are just some of my thoughts after watching the first 4 episodes of ST5.

& signal to the outside world that he wasn't dead. My point is Vecna already gave away the game. He thinks he has the upper hand BUT HE DOESN'T. Max proved this by avoiding him inside his own mind. He basically gave up. Will proved this by harnessing telekinesis & killing off part of the hive mind

Even if we only look at Will within the Stranger Things universe, just in ST1 he survived a week in the Upside Down alone as a 12 year old. The fact that he avoided detection by the hive mind for as long as he did is a feat in itself. But he was also able to keep himself alive

According to Vecna this is because weak children break quickly & easily & it was Will who showed this to him. The thing is... trauma is not the same thing as weakness. Some of the most resilient people have been through shit that some people couldn't even imagine surviving.

But judging by who Vecna has targeted up until now, I'd assume all the kids have been through something. At the end of episode 4, Vecna shows up looking nasty & being an asshole. He attacks Will & gives a villain monologue wherein he reveals it was Will who inspired him to go after "weak" children

& it's not a 1 to 1, but kids who experience abuse at home are more likely to engage in bullying behaviors than those who are not abused. I'm speculating but I'm going to say Derek's home life is not that great. We don't know much of anything about the other kids yet

So no matter how 'normal' these families appear on the outside my guess is there's some fucked up shit going on on the inside. Also, right before Holly is taken she is very distressed about her parents arguing & this seems to be a regular occurrence. Derek is shown to be a bully from his first scene

The thing that immediately stuck out to me was in both homes, there was at least one parent who abuses alcohol. As someone who grew up with an alcoholic parent this situation is rife with trauma (There have been entire books written about how fucked up the children of alcoholics end up)

Vecna was in my dream last night so I'm thinking about his weird ass today. The thing that strikes me is who he targets & who he perceives that he's targeting are not the same. In ST4 he targets kids who have experienced trauma. In ST5 we've really only seen 2 kids at home with their families.

**Stranger Things Spoilers**

I don't think I gave a spoiler alert for anything I said before. Oops. Good thing almost nobody reads my random writings...

One time a guy kissed me & THEN told me he felt like he was getting sick 🫠

Don't sit & watch something you don't like just because everyone else is watching it. Maybe it's just not for you. I dislike most things that get really popular but I don't mention it because that's boring & no one cares. Examples: I only watched 1 episode of Tiger King & 1 episode of Squid Game 🤷‍♀️