Ever found yourself whispering a desire into the phone, prefacing it with, “You’re probably going to think I’m weird for this…”? If so, you’re far from alone. On this episode of The Weekly Hot Spot, Mistresses Olivia and Erika sit down with a true leader in the world of sexuality and relationships, Dr. Jaime Grant, to dismantle that very notion and explore the empowering landscape of kink. Dr. Grant, a renowned research activist, relationship coach, and author of pivotal works like Great Sex: Mapping Your Desire and Polyamory for Dummies, joins us to discuss her latest essential guide, Kink for Dummies. The conversation immediately delves into one of the most common hurdles for newcomers: the fear of being "weird." Dr. Grant brilliantly reframes kink not as an anomaly but as a deeply rooted part of human history and desire, sharing fascinating insights about "ancient kinksters" that will change how you view your own longings. We focus on a question we hear constantly from listeners and callers alike: How do I talk to my partner about kink? This is where Dr. Grant’s expertise truly shines. She offers compassionate, practical advice for navigating these vulnerable conversations, whether you're in a long-term partnership or a new situationship. She emphasizes the importance of building "faith in yourself" first, suggesting that sometimes the safest initial step is to find community and gather information outside the primary relationship to fortify your own understanding. As Mistress Olivia reflects, this often aligns with why individuals turn to Dommes like us for distance domination – it provides a structured, judgment-free space to explore without the complications of daily life. Other topics include: The ‘desire discordant’ couple and finding a ‘third way’ that honors the needs of both partners. How to realistically create compromise in relationships. The transformative power of kink and how exploring kink can become a radical act of self-reclamation. Dr. Grant says: “We’re dealt a hard hand around sexuality, but we get to play it however we want—for our own gratification.” That’s the promise of kink: not escape, but reclamation. Using safe words in BDSM scenes, including the point that using a safe word isn’t a sign of weakness; it’s an act of profound communication and self-care that strengthens the entire dynamic. This episode is a masterclass in normalizing kinky desire and providing the tools to integrate it into your life with confidence and safety. Dr. Grant’s wisdom, combined with our own experiences from the front lines of phone sex and distance domination, creates a dialogue that is both intellectually stimulating and deeply practical. Ready to explore your desires with more clarity and courage? What’s the one kinky desire you’ve been most nervous to voice? We’d love to hear from you. Books by Dr. Jaime Grant on Amazon https://www.amazon.com/Kink-Dummies-Jaime-M-Grant/dp/1394353243/ref=sr_1_3?dib=eyJ2IjoiMSJ9.kj-ITUeSTomigappteGPbOanS9b779O_d47rnJr7IYxKuVqEuwWxGwuSiQAqQXWgxFd1GImjq7X9FhlbaNKpow.xXFQA5Ld9CE_T9hcqx_uZ01U014A6cTVvem3xDB_t7s&dib_tag=se&qid=1762780600&refinements=p_27%3AJaime+M.+Grant&s=books&sr=1-3&text=Jaime+M.+Grant https://www.amazon.com/Polyamory-Dummies-Jaime-M-Grant-ebook/dp/B0DN3G49W3/ref=sr_1_4?dib=eyJ2IjoiMSJ9.kj-ITUeSTomigappteGPbOanS9b779O_d47rnJr7IYxKuVqEuwWxGwuSiQAqQXWgxFd1GImjq7X9FhlbaNKpow.xXFQA5Ld9CE_T9hcqx_uZ01U014A6cTVvem3xDB_t7s&dib_tag=se&qid=1762780661&refinements=p_27%3AJaime+M.+Grant&s=books&sr=1-4&text=Jaime+M.+Grant https://www.amazon.com/Great-Sex-Mapping-Your-Desire/dp/B0DMVKL4TD?ref_=ast_author_dp&th=1&psc=1 Contact us: Mistress Olivia:  [email protected] TwitterX: @MistressOlivia1.    Blue Sky:  @MsOlivia Blog: https://www.experiencedmistress.com/ Mistress Erika:  [email protected] TwitterX and Blue Sky: @ErikaEnchantrix Blog: https://intelligentphonefantasy.com/ MEET DR. JAIME GRANT Friday, November 21 at Red Emma's Bookstore in Baltimore Dr. Grant and her co-author Jack Harrison-Quintana do exercises from the book and share bits of their kink highlight reels. Wednesday evening, January 21, 8pm at the Washington Hilton Hotel, as part of the Creating Change Conference.  Dr. Grant and her co-author Jack Harrison-Quintana read from Kink for Dummies and share tips. From late January through mid-March, Dr. Grant will be at the SketchPad Artist's residency in Hyannis Mass, offering Desire Mapping open studios every Saturday.  Book readings on the Cape in this period TBD. Friday April 24th @ 7:30pm, at Charis Books in Atlanta, Dr. Grant will talk about Kink for Dummies with Ignacio Rivera, technical editor on the book, and two kink story contributors, Asha Leong and tia marie. Reach out to Dr. Grant for readings or coaching at [email protected] and catch her podcast at http://www.justsexpodcast.com/

Today’s episode isn’t just a podcast about kink or BDSM – it’s a masterclass in emotional courage, vulnerability and redefining power in loving relationships. Author / kink educator, Janet Hardy helps to bridge the chasm between “normalcy” and kink. Listener questions drive this episode and you’re likely to hear your own worries in their questions. You don’t have to be kinky to benefit from these insights - many of these issues are universal challenges in life: how do you be vulnerable enough to speak what you want and is it always a good idea to be blunt? We begin with this question: “What if a woman struggles to own her power because of cultural beliefs?” As Footstool so poignantly puts it, many men fantasize about their vanilla partner becoming their Mistress — but how does she step into dominance when a lifetime of conditioning whispers, “Be nice. Be passive. Don’t lead.”? Janet offers a compassionate, no-nonsense response: Dominance isn’t about dominance — it’s about responsibility, clarity, and self-awareness. You don’t need to be born a Domme. You become one — through practice, reflection, and permission to shed old scripts. Then came Wellspanked’s dilemma: “When negotiating spanking, should we talk technique and intensity beforehand — clinically — or let it unfold in the heat of the moment?” The tension here is real: too much planning kills the spark; too little, and safety frays. Janet reminds us that true eroticism thrives in the space between trust and structure. Yes — talk logistics outside the scene. But leave room for improvisation within it. A safe word isn’t a buzzkill — it’s the foundation of freedom. One of our listeners, Ben, shared a fear so common it aches: “If my partner rejects my kinks, is the relationship irrevocably broken?” Janet’s answer? No — but it might need to evolve. Rejection isn’t always final. Sometimes, it’s the first step toward honest dialogue. What matters isn’t immediate acceptance — it’s willingness to listen, to be curious,and to try. What do you do if you get bad news? Janet has an honest answer - the relationship may need to change form — or end — with dignity. Then came the knife-edge question: “Can a partner ever see you as equal after extreme degradation?” This cuts to the heart of humiliation play — one of the most misunderstood, feared, and exciting dynamics in kink. Janet doesn’t flinch. She explains that the power of degradation lies not in the words, but in the aftercare. It’s not about erasing dignity — it’s about temporarily suspending it, with consent, for shared catharsis. And yes — equality returns, if both partners honor the reintegration. The scene ends. The love remains. Erika then turned to Janet’s latest work — Notes on an Aging Pervert — a book that’s “funny, sad, mind-bending.” She asked: Which essay was a lightbulb moment — for you or someone you love? Janet shared a story about aging, desire, and the myth of the “perfect scene.” The real magic, Janet said, isn’t in the play — it’s in what happens after: How do you come back to each other? How do you integrate the intensity? That’s where connection deepens — not in the whip, but in the whisper that follows. We closed with a truth that resonates through every episode of The Weekly Hot Spot podcast: Kink isn’t an escape from love — it’s a path into it. Deeper. Messier. More honest. If you’ve ever feared being “too much,” or worried you’re “not enough,” this conversation is for you. Tune in. Listen closely. And ask yourself: What would it feel like to be truly seen — kinks and all? https://janetwhardyauthor.com/ https://www.amazon.com/When-Someone-You-Love-Kinky/dp/1890159239 https://www.amazon.com/Ethical-Slut-Third-Practical-Relationships/dp/0399579664/ref=sr_1_3?crid=23M1L2O7GKQEX&dib=eyJ2IjoiMSJ9.B-J4yi5pESx_gA_vpmKW2Ga-fN40hiVcnsrOGC4WAHFicW5YXeXHCp382bT-my_wVZGt-K5vvTudVDY1y20vvYjRt6AjL3M0cBDc87t1RpXrU6if02vhNqKwm19eXUQm6VtXeEPV_iiEKpSsVjWJd_yH0J8IlWpZVItY7cf9Dh5QTBNeAYOBgI0_Lsp0uDChNRrMGHEzNyxri8bjy3yTyZArsjUUESN4AbbsGqn-nJ8.QhT2dNtxstdttkQLJx4SwB31OvbB5uVjPv_-USRnCfQ&dib_tag=se&keywords=janet+Hardy+books&qid=1761434145&sprefix=janet+hardy+books%2Caps%2C124&sr=8-3 https://www.amazon.com/Radical-Ecstasy-Dossie-Easton-ebook/dp/B005HZ6F5M/ref=tmm_kin_swatch_0 Mistress Olivia’s blog: https://www.experiencedmistress.com/ [email protected] Mistress Erika’s blog: https://intelligentphonefantasy.com/ [email protected] DISCORD: LDWOlivia and LDWErika

What happens when surrender becomes sacred? When boundaries are not barriers—but bridges to deeper intimacy? Meet one of the most influential voices in modern kink culture. Janet Hardy is today’s guest. She’s the co-author of the revolutionary The Ethical Slut: A Practical Guide to Polyamory, Open Relationships & Other Adventures and Radical Ecstasy: SM Journeys to Transcendence … to name just two of her books. She has a wealth of knowledge and experience.  Listeners of The Weekly Hot Spot podcast, sent in a lot of questions and inspired this intimate conversation. Topics include: The intersections of power, pain, love and liberation. Myths and fears about ethical non-monogamy in kink spaces. Details about the new Workbook for The Ethical Slut. When Janet shares about how real change begins with honest self-inquiry, not permission from others, all three women talk about claiming their own personal erotic power. What does it mean to really choose who you are in your relationships? And, what is beyond tolerating a relationship. Hint: it’s not always easy or safe to open up to this view of love and pleasure.  Janet talks about building emotional resilience when having these vulnerable conversations. You’ll hear Mistress Olivia’s personal reflection on how Radical Ecstasy transformed her understanding of Dominance and submission — not as control, but as co-created surrender. “Pain is not the goal. Surrender is.” That one line shifted everything. Together, they explore how power exchange is one of the most intimate acts we’re capable of — a dance where trust becomes tangible, and vulnerability becomes strength. We also tackle real listener questions: - A trans woman shares her experience of feeling Dominant with male partners and submissive with female ones — is this a known dynamic? Janet offers thoughtful insight into gendered power dynamics and erotic archetypes. - For the nervous beginner — especially the "vanilla wife" being asked to step into Dominance — what are the real fears women face? Spoiler: It’s not about lack of interest. It’s about responsibility, judgment, and the weight of expectation. - And then… the eternal debate: Who’s really in control — the Domme or the sub? Janet’s answer may surprise you. (Hint: It’s not a power struggle — it’s a paradox.) Finally, for those walking the spiritual edge of kink, we explore how to distinguish emotional overwhelm from authentic spiritual surrender — because not every tear in a scene is transcendence. Some are signals. Learning the difference? That’s where true mastery begins. This episode isn’t just for kinksters. It’s for anyone who’s ever loved deeply, feared openly, or longed to be seen. It’s about coming into power — not over others, but within yourself. https://janetwhardyauthor.com/ https://www.amazon.com/Ethical-Slut-Third-Practical-Relationships/dp/0399579664/ref=sr_1_3?crid=23M1L2O7GKQEX&dib=eyJ2IjoiMSJ9.B-J4yi5pESx_gA_vpmKW2Ga-fN40hiVcnsrOGC4WAHFicW5YXeXHCp382bT-my_wVZGt-K5vvTudVDY1y20vvYjRt6AjL3M0cBDc87t1RpXrU6if02vhNqKwm19eXUQm6VtXeEPV_iiEKpSsVjWJd_yH0J8IlWpZVItY7cf9Dh5QTBNeAYOBgI0_Lsp0uDChNRrMGHEzNyxri8bjy3yTyZArsjUUESN4AbbsGqn-nJ8.QhT2dNtxstdttkQLJx4SwB31OvbB5uVjPv_-USRnCfQ&dib_tag=se&keywords=janet+Hardy+books&qid=1761434145&sprefix=janet+hardy+books%2Caps%2C124&sr=8-3 https://www.amazon.com/Radical-Ecstasy-Dossie-Easton-ebook/dp/B005HZ6F5M/ref=tmm_kin_swatch_0 Mistress Olivia’s blog:  https://www.experiencedmistress.com/ [email protected] Mistress Erika’s blog: https://intelligentphonefantasy.com/ [email protected] DISCORD: LDWOlivia and LDWErika