Graham Bretman
@gbretman.bsky.social
I'm a Singer-Songwriter, I write songs about sewing machines
Doer of UxbridgeEnglishDictionary & One Liners
Doer of UxbridgeEnglishDictionary & One Liners
Pinned
Graham Bretman
@gbretman.bsky.social
· Aug 4
I've set up a charity for atheists
It's a non prophet organisation
It's a non prophet organisation
@food404.bsky.social Thank you for following and the repost
December 2, 2025 at 8:23 AM
@food404.bsky.social Thank you for following and the repost
Reposted by Graham Bretman
Once again, I predicted that non-sparkling would win the Best Water Award.
Still got it.
Still got it.
November 30, 2025 at 10:30 AM
Once again, I predicted that non-sparkling would win the Best Water Award.
Still got it.
Still got it.
My Uncle has been offered money to perform surgery on The Police's lead singer
I warned him it sounds like a Sting operation
#LunchPun #Humoursky
I warned him it sounds like a Sting operation
#LunchPun #Humoursky
November 30, 2025 at 1:33 PM
My Uncle has been offered money to perform surgery on The Police's lead singer
I warned him it sounds like a Sting operation
#LunchPun #Humoursky
I warned him it sounds like a Sting operation
#LunchPun #Humoursky
Reposted by Graham Bretman
Mourning breath - When it smells like someone died in your mouth.
November 30, 2025 at 12:07 PM
Mourning breath - When it smells like someone died in your mouth.
November 30, 2025 at 9:48 AM
#WhatICantStopDoingIs
Going to ruin my eyesight, my Mum said
Going to ruin my eyesight, my Mum said
a bald man wearing a plaid shirt is standing in front of a brick wall .
ALT: a bald man wearing a plaid shirt is standing in front of a brick wall .
media.tenor.com
November 29, 2025 at 8:16 AM
#WhatICantStopDoingIs
Going to ruin my eyesight, my Mum said
Going to ruin my eyesight, my Mum said
November 29, 2025 at 8:12 AM
Reposted by Graham Bretman
I was a terrible hangman. I let everybody down.
November 25, 2025 at 12:21 PM
I was a terrible hangman. I let everybody down.
Reposted by Graham Bretman
Hot off the press. My new comedy flyer! Never had something to hand out at end of my comedy gigs, but this might help me gain more followers on socials, possible book sales and at least be considered for further work (while everyone else advertises their 1hr shows)!
November 24, 2025 at 9:45 PM
Hot off the press. My new comedy flyer! Never had something to hand out at end of my comedy gigs, but this might help me gain more followers on socials, possible book sales and at least be considered for further work (while everyone else advertises their 1hr shows)!
a silver robot with a red light on the back
ALT: a silver robot with a red light on the back
media.tenor.com
November 23, 2025 at 10:16 AM
November 22, 2025 at 10:02 AM
After pressure from within his own Republican party Donald Trump has changed from to his previous position and called on Congress to release the files on Jeffrey Epstein. In other news, the Whitehouse has purchased a new paper shredder
#BTNRejects
#BTNRejects
November 22, 2025 at 10:00 AM
After pressure from within his own Republican party Donald Trump has changed from to his previous position and called on Congress to release the files on Jeffrey Epstein. In other news, the Whitehouse has purchased a new paper shredder
#BTNRejects
#BTNRejects
Reposted by Graham Bretman
Reposted by Graham Bretman
I’ve been running an assertiveness training course for ten years and no one’s ever complained so it’s either brilliant or awful.
November 20, 2025 at 9:43 AM
I’ve been running an assertiveness training course for ten years and no one’s ever complained so it’s either brilliant or awful.
Reposted by Graham Bretman
Reposted by Graham Bretman
After fifteen years alone on this island a bottle washes up on the shore. Inside a rolled up note. I open it, my hands trembling, and begin to read…
YOU HAVE NO NEW MESSAGES.
YOU HAVE NO NEW MESSAGES.
November 19, 2025 at 10:35 AM
After fifteen years alone on this island a bottle washes up on the shore. Inside a rolled up note. I open it, my hands trembling, and begin to read…
YOU HAVE NO NEW MESSAGES.
YOU HAVE NO NEW MESSAGES.
Reposted by Graham Bretman
November 19, 2025 at 9:02 AM
Reposted by Graham Bretman
Like a Persian.
Selling rugs for the very first time....
Selling rugs for the very first time....
November 18, 2025 at 11:22 AM
Like a Persian.
Selling rugs for the very first time....
Selling rugs for the very first time....
Reposted by Graham Bretman
Save time on mindfulness podcasts by listening to them at double speed.
November 17, 2025 at 11:40 AM
Save time on mindfulness podcasts by listening to them at double speed.
Reposted by Graham Bretman
I saw a bumper sticker that said’Honk if you love boobies!’ and I thought ‘Wow, geese must really really love boobies’.
November 18, 2025 at 12:39 PM
I saw a bumper sticker that said’Honk if you love boobies!’ and I thought ‘Wow, geese must really really love boobies’.
Reposted by Graham Bretman
I went to the bakers and bought a really nice tiger bread but he he didn’t want it as he prefers gazelles.
November 17, 2025 at 2:07 PM
I went to the bakers and bought a really nice tiger bread but he he didn’t want it as he prefers gazelles.
Reposted by Graham Bretman
