Graham Bretman
@gbretman.bsky.social
I'm a Singer-Songwriter, I write songs about sewing machines
Doer of UxbridgeEnglishDictionary & One Liners
Doer of UxbridgeEnglishDictionary & One Liners
Every Sunday Dad would take us to the Garden Centre
It was really boring just standing in the middle of our lawn
It was really boring just standing in the middle of our lawn
December 2, 2025 at 8:22 AM
Every Sunday Dad would take us to the Garden Centre
It was really boring just standing in the middle of our lawn
It was really boring just standing in the middle of our lawn
That's the bathroom equivalent of chopping chillies, then rubbing your eyes
December 2, 2025 at 8:20 AM
That's the bathroom equivalent of chopping chillies, then rubbing your eyes
Our local pub has someone from the convent serving drinks
She's the best bar Nun
She's the best bar Nun
December 1, 2025 at 8:32 AM
Our local pub has someone from the convent serving drinks
She's the best bar Nun
She's the best bar Nun
I failed a drugs test at work
Turns out I don't know much about drugs
Turns out I don't know much about drugs
November 30, 2025 at 1:48 PM
I failed a drugs test at work
Turns out I don't know much about drugs
Turns out I don't know much about drugs
I went to university to study bottled water
Fizzy-ology
Fizzy-ology
November 30, 2025 at 1:40 PM
I went to university to study bottled water
Fizzy-ology
Fizzy-ology
I don't really like funerals
Guess I'm not a mourning person
Guess I'm not a mourning person
November 30, 2025 at 1:27 PM
I don't really like funerals
Guess I'm not a mourning person
Guess I'm not a mourning person
I asked our Vicar about violence between ecclesiastical personnel and their superiors
But he was reluctant to tell me if he'd bashed the Bishop in church
But he was reluctant to tell me if he'd bashed the Bishop in church
November 30, 2025 at 1:25 PM
I asked our Vicar about violence between ecclesiastical personnel and their superiors
But he was reluctant to tell me if he'd bashed the Bishop in church
But he was reluctant to tell me if he'd bashed the Bishop in church
Sorry for your loss Chris, we're all here for you
November 30, 2025 at 10:01 AM
Sorry for your loss Chris, we're all here for you
Morning Mo
More Birds of Pray
More Birds of Pray
three nuns in blue robes are praying together
ALT: three nuns in blue robes are praying together
media.tenor.com
November 30, 2025 at 9:46 AM
Morning Mo
More Birds of Pray
More Birds of Pray
My Uncle sent thirty men through the trapdoor breaking their necks
He was the worst stage manager the theatre ever had
He was the worst stage manager the theatre ever had
November 25, 2025 at 3:22 PM
My Uncle sent thirty men through the trapdoor breaking their necks
He was the worst stage manager the theatre ever had
He was the worst stage manager the theatre ever had
I thought being an executioner would be exciting
But it was just a lot of hanging around
But it was just a lot of hanging around
November 25, 2025 at 3:15 PM
I thought being an executioner would be exciting
But it was just a lot of hanging around
But it was just a lot of hanging around
Well some say he's a crap actor
November 25, 2025 at 8:27 AM
Well some say he's a crap actor
Same here, I put the SH into IT
November 25, 2025 at 8:19 AM
Same here, I put the SH into IT
I tried rodeo riding, but didn't last long
Bucked off?
Mildly annoyed certainly
Bucked off?
Mildly annoyed certainly
November 24, 2025 at 9:06 AM
I tried rodeo riding, but didn't last long
Bucked off?
Mildly annoyed certainly
Bucked off?
Mildly annoyed certainly