not a serious post btw i'm fine

yass girl blacking in and out as a kid was totally normal 💖 anyways i think my brains going through a divorce

nothing grievous happened today im just. still upset by what my family pulled two months ago. and it's not like a one time event either. i'm just gunna have to deal with shit again in a few months, hell for the rest of my life, and today reminded me of that

this is a JOKE of a family !!!!!!

im the chinese guy when im in a korean community and then im the korean guy when im in a chinese community 👍 also im american 👍👍👍 so like 👍 my parents dont even see me as asian 👍

ghhh yea 🥺 i have that exact problem too w my chinese relatives so ik what its like AGSJKL for me its that on top of being "the korean relative" 😭 i feel like i have more of an excuse to not know chinese bc at least i retain some korean but it is very alienating..

3hat fuckn eivervr skndbiwl i just come from a dysfunctional family to begin with but being biracial(??) multicultural(??) is extremely relevant to Whats Wrong With Me 😭😭

like i still call my mother 엄마 bc i only talk to her in her tongue 🙄 but i refer to her as mother amongst friends. i used to call my father 爸爸 but then i lost my chinese from disuse and it went from 爸 to just Father.

i am unearthing a vague memory of my cousin telling me that my father rants about us to our relatives too. guhghhhh

i think my therapist wants me give myself grace for. well. everything. and it is reassuring to be told that im not hurting anyone, that i have time still, and that i am burdened by alot more than the average person is. thinking abt what my father thinks of how im doing would make me relapse 😬

ig my father rants abt us (me and the kids) at work frequently so my coworkers are privy to.. a chunk of our family's dynamic. idk what exactly my father is talking about and i don't want to know. ik that im a shit good for nothing daughter man, i dont need to know my father may think that too

like ouhgh i want to draw but i also DONT want to draw