so............... you knew i was very sick as a toddler..... like all the time..... you knew i was dx with anxiety at 3 years old...... the doctor told you to consider an mri/ct for a possible heart deformation........ and you just didnt take me back to the doctor for 2 whole years after. Ok!

"Slightly convex indentation along the right aspect of the trachea could potentially represent a right-sided aortic arch or other aberrant vascular structure."

and he laughed...? maybe he thought it was overkill? idk?

then i read "Consider CT or MRI" and he said it was ok for me to get it done now

i also found out i was chronically sick as a toddler. nobody told me that. even two weeks before my mom passed, i had an extreme UTI that put me into a near 103 degree fever. my last "normal" moments with my mom at home were her taking care of me. & then i was immediately neglected after she passed

anyways i have no idea how he'll react when i tell him i need to get this scan done asap.

when i told him docs suspected i have ocd & i explained wat it meant, he snarkily asked if i was obsessing over having ocd

he also forgot my mom had ocd... and i figured it out myself thru my medical records

i feel failed. some of my moms last words were "take care of [my name]" & i always thought that was endearing. but now i see it as a plea. i think she knew he wouldnt take care of me. i think she was desperate for him to put effort where she knew he wouldnt.

he betrayed her. i hold her pain now

i had panic attacks my entire childhood. i put so much strain on my heart. if i have a defect thats not good!!!

so many feelings cuz ive been told my whole life that ill just "get used to it" whenever i struggled with cardio ... but it might be that i have a heart defect and wont get used to it

but my dad was definitely too focused on drinking his sorrows since my mom had died a few months before... so i think he forgot to take me. next appt i had was 2 whole years later and the heart stuff was never brought up again lol

this is so wild cuz im on a stimulant +

RIGHT 😭

the biggest panic attack ever. like i almost passed out and threw up when i got out to the parking lot one of the last times

it just takes alot of energy from me and ive avoided it but its def important :( im supposed to get it done yearly

yaaa i neeed to ): in 2021 i had high sugar levels after fasting but my ac1 was ok ??? but that was the last time i got checked cuz i have a fear of the syncope response i get

i hate hearing them switch out the vials, cant look at it, and then even after im done... i always get hit with-

also my mental health med prices have gone up 2x-3x the price from last year so i really cant afford spending hundreds for an injectable rn 🥲

regardless i think its so crazy if i dont meet this criteria, i have to pay WITH A COUPON $500 a month for it from my irl doc Lol ... i think ive seen some online docs who have somehow managed to bring it to $150-$350 a month but thats still crazy expensive

GIRL WHAT!!!!!!!!!!

pls soak the jewelry in some rubbing alcohol when you take them out at some point to disinfect

i literally look deformed ?????? ive never seen anyone who looks lik eme????? my stomach completely folds over on one side but not the other?????/ its so fucking big compared to the rest of my proportions i dont get it why am i shaped like that.