If You're Driving Close Your Eyes
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ifyouredriving.bsky.social
If You're Driving Close Your Eyes
@ifyouredriving.bsky.social
530 followers 180 following 84 posts
A comedy podcast that make you think where we navigate our chaotic world under a wet sun. listen: https://pod.link/1648903956 patreon: ifyouredriving.com
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ifyouredriving.bsky.social
Time to Toad was short on this week's show

patreon.com/ifyouredriving
November 9, 2025 at 1:25 AM
ifyouredriving.bsky.social
If you're not a member of our Patreon you're missing out on weekly bonus episodes where we do stuff like invent a new, R-rated version of Is It Cake patreon.com/ifyouredriving
October 28, 2025 at 9:13 PM
ifyouredriving.bsky.social
Chewbacca watching Kylo Ren kill Han Solo: holy shit my dog's puppy just killed my dog
October 27, 2025 at 2:48 PM
ifyouredriving.bsky.social
Hey what's that other John Lennon song? You know the one.
October 23, 2025 at 2:10 AM
ifyouredriving.bsky.social
Please don't tell anyone how merritt lives, breakfast-wise patreon.com/ifyouredriving
September 22, 2025 at 9:29 PM
ifyouredriving.bsky.social
Which appliance sounds drive you completely insane like John in this week's episode?

patreon.com/ifyouredriving
September 16, 2025 at 3:07 AM
ifyouredriving.bsky.social
uhhh. it does something. definitely. dont worry about it
August 4, 2025 at 9:22 PM
ifyouredriving.bsky.social
what manner of beast be this
August 2, 2025 at 1:25 AM
ifyouredriving.bsky.social
We welcomed LB back to the show for a Fond FarewelLB and they got John to say this almost immediately

patreon.com/ifyouredriving
July 2, 2025 at 6:32 PM
ifyouredriving.bsky.social
Important update from @hunktears.online and the show itself 🐊🚗
Discord post from LB Hunktears that reads: "Dear Truckers, In September of 2020, I became a cohost of a podcast called West Coast Office Hours in spite of never having listened to it and not knowing what it was about. That decision changed my life, permanently damaged my brain's language centers, and gave me many many hours of delight. I have loved making this podcast in all of its iterations so much, and am incredibly proud of the work I have done with John, Niki, and Jordo "The Sticks" The Sticks. But I am a Sleepy American, with limited time and limited creative energy, and have determined that I would like to spend that creative energy on my writing. So I have made the difficult decision to leave If You're Driving. The podcast will continue, and I will enter the rotation of guest hosts for those inevitable trips to the ISS that always come up. merritt k has been on this ride with us from the beginning, first in her capacity as Podcast Czar of Fanbyte, then as our first and most frequent guest once we struck out on our own. She is one of my oldest friends and my writing partner in making games for sickos. My hosting seat, whether it's a Civic infested by imaginary rats or just an extremely broken chair, could not be in better hands than hers. I want to thank John, Niki, and Jordo for being so understanding and cool about my decision, and such great friends to me. I want to thank merritt for helping the podcast continue its life. And lastly I want to thank all of you: the discerning listeners who have made this whole thing possible. I can't express how much it's meant to me over these last 4.5 years to have so much support for me being my dumbest and most unhinged self. See you on the open road, LB Hunktears"
June 2, 2025 at 4:36 PM
ifyouredriving.bsky.social
it's monday
pod.link/1648903956/e...
January 27, 2025 at 6:13 PM
ifyouredriving.bsky.social
new episode. we decide to start doing steroids again and explore the world of supplements. pod.link/1648903956/e...
a pouch with an explosion image and text that reads: MAXIMUM STRENGTH Blapp-Health® TESTONATE 250 TESTOSTERON BOOSTER Transdermal Patches 8 PATCHES MAXIMUM STRENGTH
December 9, 2024 at 6:28 PM
ifyouredriving.bsky.social
new episode of our good podcast
📺 www.patreon.com/posts/ep-108...
📻 pod.link/1648903956
November 18, 2024 at 9:02 PM
ifyouredriving.bsky.social
this is the money ravioli. share to experience prosperity. ignore at your own peril.
October 7, 2024 at 7:17 PM
ifyouredriving.bsky.social
new episode happy shrek 5 to all celebrants pod.link/1648903956/e...
a screenshot of google image search that's a picture of shrek and will smith from the movie bright and it says "Shrek 5: Eddie Murphy Reveals If He'd Return as Donkey The Direct" five stars $12.14
July 12, 2024 at 8:41 PM
ifyouredriving.bsky.social
May's bonus is up! with the introduction of new software and a new segment called Teeth Time www.patreon.com/posts/may-20...
screenshot of John Warren in a studio with the chiron beneath him reading "I think about Nelly Furtado"
May 31, 2024 at 1:11 AM
ifyouredriving.bsky.social
great news, we made yet another funny episode of our podcast! it's called "lest i piss on my dog"

🎥 (for patrons): bit.ly/3Tbzo13
🔊 (for everyone): pod.link/1648903956
February 16, 2024 at 6:58 PM
ifyouredriving.bsky.social
A CRIME HAS BEEN COMMITTED. OUR SCHOOL THAT WE RUN DRIVEY'S ED HAS LOST ALL ITS CHILDREN RIGHT BEFORE THE BIG PAGEANT. THEY ARE BELIEVED TO BE WITH DARTH MAUL, WHO IS DRIVING A 2007 TOYOTA CAMRY. HERE IS AN ARTIST RENDERING OF THE CRIME. PLEASE CONTACT US IF YOU SEE 30-65 CHILDREN AND DARTH MAUL
30-65 children who are sad wearing santa hats with darth maul next to a 2007 toyota camry all of these are drawn very professionally
December 13, 2023 at 11:58 PM
ifyouredriving.bsky.social
chilis education
October 13, 2023 at 2:26 AM
ifyouredriving.bsky.social
new episode day
https://www.patreon.com/posts/episode-46-8-87552399
https://pod.link/1648903956/episode/c35e2a6d60262a5a80411320cf19a6fc
screenshot of podcast video where merritt's window is covered with a picture of a man next to a framed photo of nuts and it says YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO PERCEIVE MERRITT CHANGING HER SHIRT SO HERE IS THE NEUTICLES MAN
August 12, 2023 at 12:13 AM
ifyouredriving.bsky.social
ladies and gentlemen... we got her (to talk about rat soup, the nintendo wii, and her big new theory of zoology)
audio: https://pod.link/1648903956/episode/1718a823135442f67879db95532047de
video: https://patreon.com/posts/86423835
the first slide of merrit's big theory
July 21, 2023 at 9:06 PM
ifyouredriving.bsky.social
we made a funny video to promote this week's podcast episode but this platform doesn't support video. so here is a picture of amelia earhart instead.
new episode: https://pod.link/1648903956/episode/c229458a285cec39618eea3b2ff79c42
amelia earhart who was mostly very good at flying planes
July 14, 2023 at 8:10 PM
ifyouredriving.bsky.social
we really think that you— the bluesky community of beautiful dipshits, perverts, freaks, and wise sages— will enjoy our podcast. instead of telling you about what it is, here's an assortment of fine images that will give you a flavor sampling of what we're about. thanks https://pod.link/1648903956
a powerpoint slide that reads "SINCE DONKEY DID NOT HAVE ANY MONEY, SHREK WAS FORCED TO SPEND THE NIGHT IN THE DAMP DUNGEON. HIS GUARDS DENIED HIM FOOD AND WATER VIOLATING HIS NINTH AMENDMENT" with a pic of donkey being sad a photo of someone's home featuring a table that looks like a sexy lady got bisected at the waist so just her legs are supporting the table. atop the table is a martini glass full of hard candy table of contents reading: 1. dream of urinating 2. dream of peeing in front of people 3. dream of peeing in the bathroom 4. dream smell of urine 5. dream that you can't pee 6. dream of urinating blood 7. dream of taking a urine bath 8. dream of dark urine 9. dream of dog urine 10. dream of drinking urine 11. dream of baby urine white man in short sleeved button down and cargo shorts riding an electric unicycle on the beach. text reads: We choose to go to the beach. We choose to go to the beach, and do the other things, not because it is hard but because it is softer when you crash.
July 11, 2023 at 12:57 AM