Jack
@jackloftus.bsky.social
Writer, cartoonist, relatively fun | jackloftus.com
Appreciating how people are picking up on the darkness in this one. Brightens my black heart, just a tad.
"I bet Linus would’ve called those popping kernels 'little pangs of painful joy,' or something equally poetic, but of course, he’s not coming this year. Not after his meaning-of-Christmas bit took a turn to the right last winter. He’s booked solid through the spring with CPAC."
Thanksgiving’s Going to Be a Tough One This Year, Charlie Brown
Making popcorn again, huh, Snoopy? Keep it up. Sounds like pure nostalgia, especially with the way this year’s been going. I bet Linus would’ve cal...
buff.ly
November 26, 2025 at 6:38 PM
Appreciating how people are picking up on the darkness in this one. Brightens my black heart, just a tad.
Happy Thanksgiving! Laugh so you don't cry!
"Good grief. This year feels heavier, doesn’t it? Heavy in the air, in the bare grocery aisles, in the empty pit of our stomachs. Heavy in the way people say, 'It’s okay, we’ll make do.'"
Thanksgiving’s Going to Be a Tough One This Year, Charlie Brown
Making popcorn again, huh, Snoopy? Keep it up. Sounds like pure nostalgia, especially with the way this year’s been going. I bet Linus would’ve cal...
buff.ly
November 24, 2025 at 7:49 PM
Happy Thanksgiving! Laugh so you don't cry!
www.mcsweeneys.net/articles/im-...
Great piece today at McSweeney’s. Remind me: Skewering Bezos has always been cool 👌
Great piece today at McSweeney’s. Remind me: Skewering Bezos has always been cool 👌
November 7, 2025 at 5:25 PM
www.mcsweeneys.net/articles/im-...
Great piece today at McSweeney’s. Remind me: Skewering Bezos has always been cool 👌
Great piece today at McSweeney’s. Remind me: Skewering Bezos has always been cool 👌
Reposted by Jack
"Feel hopeful in knowing that after strip-mining the only habitable world we have, the billionaires may build themselves a second one somewhere colder, lonelier, and even easier to keep away from the rest of us."
Don’t Worry, Bezos Will Let Some of Us on His Space Ark
“Jeff Bezos says the future is so bright, he doesn’t see how anybody can be discouraged who is alive right now… ‘In the next couple of decades, the...
buff.ly
November 7, 2025 at 4:28 PM
"Feel hopeful in knowing that after strip-mining the only habitable world we have, the billionaires may build themselves a second one somewhere colder, lonelier, and even easier to keep away from the rest of us."
Won’t anyone think of the children?
Great piece. Quick turnaround. The @mcsweeneys.net ”timely” submission box is busier than ever these days!
Great piece. Quick turnaround. The @mcsweeneys.net ”timely” submission box is busier than ever these days!
"This nation’s Young Republicans are more than just veteran political operatives and attorneys: they’re kids. And sometimes, kids say the wrong things. They can’t be held responsible for using slurs 251 times in just under 8 months."
Young Republican Kids Say the Darndest Things
“Thousands of private messages reveal young GOP leaders joking about gas chambers, slavery, and rape…. Vice President JD Vance downplayed [the] bi...
buff.ly
October 16, 2025 at 11:19 AM
Won’t anyone think of the children?
Great piece. Quick turnaround. The @mcsweeneys.net ”timely” submission box is busier than ever these days!
Great piece. Quick turnaround. The @mcsweeneys.net ”timely” submission box is busier than ever these days!
Such a fun one to write and continually, shamelessly self-promote all week long.
STORY: ORANGE MAN LIE AGAIN
OLD WAY: “CRITICS SAY STATEMENT MAY BE MISLEADING.”
ANIMAL WAY: HIT KICK DRUM, YELL “LIE!” HIT TAMBOURINE, WHISPER “but other side lie too” IN SOFTEST MIKE JOHNSON VOICE.
OLD WAY: “CRITICS SAY STATEMENT MAY BE MISLEADING.”
ANIMAL WAY: HIT KICK DRUM, YELL “LIE!” HIT TAMBOURINE, WHISPER “but other side lie too” IN SOFTEST MIKE JOHNSON VOICE.
“AAAGGGHHH!!!” A Memo from Animal, Your New Editor-in-Chief
“[Editor-in-chief of CBS News] Bari Weiss told network staffers in a morning editorial call that she wants to ‘win’ before delivering a rallying cr...
buff.ly
October 10, 2025 at 1:58 AM
Such a fun one to write and continually, shamelessly self-promote all week long.
A late night fever dream turns into a loud commentary on this week's media-related news. Plus, who doesn't love The Muppets?
"WE MAKE NEWS LOUDER. IF STORY GOOD ON ONE SIDE, SHOW OTHER SIDE TOO. OTHER SIDE WRONG? OTHER SIDE WANT BLEACH IN VEINS? ANIMAL RUN BOTH. REPORT BOTH SIDES. EVEN WHEN ONE SIDE THINK HEAD MEDS MAKE QUIET BABIES."
“AAAGGGHHH!!!” A Memo from Animal, Your New Editor-in-Chief
“[Editor-in-chief of CBS News] Bari Weiss told network staffers in a morning editorial call that she wants to ‘win’ before delivering a rallying cr...
buff.ly
October 8, 2025 at 6:36 PM
A late night fever dream turns into a loud commentary on this week's media-related news. Plus, who doesn't love The Muppets?
Reposted by Jack
Semi-regular reminder that much of the work we do is reader-supported. We're able to pay our contributors and keep our humor site ad-free thanks to the folks who support us through our Patreon. As little as $3 a month goes a long way to supporting us.
Get more from McSweeney's Internet Tendency on Patreon
Creating daily humor almost every day
buff.ly
September 21, 2025 at 2:15 PM
Semi-regular reminder that much of the work we do is reader-supported. We're able to pay our contributors and keep our humor site ad-free thanks to the folks who support us through our Patreon. As little as $3 a month goes a long way to supporting us.
Aw shucks. At least the end of days will boost my fragile ego.
Brilliance from @mcsweeneys.net: www.mcsweeneys.net/articles/ign...
Ignorance Isn’t the Absence of Knowledge; It Is the Presence of Maximum Comfort
“We are going to have to live here with one another, believing what we believe, disagreeing in the ways we disagree… To recognize that does not mea...
www.mcsweeneys.net
September 18, 2025 at 5:44 PM
Aw shucks. At least the end of days will boost my fragile ego.
Risky move for this liberal-minded writer, but it had to be done.
"Is this willful blindness dressed as philosophy? Perhaps. But isn’t willful blindness, at scale, the churning engine of unbridled optimism?"
Ignorance Isn’t the Absence of Knowledge; It Is the Presence of Maximum Comfort
“We are going to have to live here with one another, believing what we believe, disagreeing in the ways we disagree… To recognize that does not mea...
buff.ly
September 18, 2025 at 1:49 AM
Risky move for this liberal-minded writer, but it had to be done.
It’s time to make the donuts, America.
"Dunkin’ is the coffee now. The only coffee. Nationalized beans. Federally tilled fields. And all of it running through your clogged, brittle veins like a dark-roasted firehose of unfiltered patriotism."
www.mcsweeneys.net/articles/ame...
www.mcsweeneys.net/articles/ame...
America Now Really Does Run on Dunkin’
“The Trump administration is considering taking stakes in defense contractors, including Lockheed Martin Corp, U.S. Commerce Secretary Howard Lutni...
www.mcsweeneys.net
August 29, 2025 at 4:27 PM
It’s time to make the donuts, America.
Really enjoyed getting back in touch with junior-year English me for this one.
"A man sits in a boat. He is not old. He is not young. He has not paid taxes in thirteen years. The bait is old. The stench hangs like a debt. He lowers the line. The camera does not cut. The fish does not come. This is the entire episode." #HappyBirthdayHemingway
Ernest Hemingway’s Shark Week
There was a time when a man did not film the fish. You learned about the shark when you saw it break the surface. The shark is not interested in ra...
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July 21, 2025 at 5:13 PM
Really enjoyed getting back in touch with junior-year English me for this one.
Consistently one of the funnest @mcsweeneys.net writers over past couple years. Distinctive, side-splitting style.
"I love each new day, what it might bring, the possibilities, the joy of the unknown. One thing is certain, though, and that’s the yelling I will do out of my beak hole in the stillness of dawn, every single day."
Wake Up, You Lazy Skin Sack. I’m a Songbird and It’s 4 A.M.
Wake up my sleepy mouth-breather, it’s 4:01 a.m. and I feel chatty! I might be small but I’m a warm-blooded lunatic and I’m right outside your bedr...
buff.ly
June 12, 2025 at 2:56 PM
Consistently one of the funnest @mcsweeneys.net writers over past couple years. Distinctive, side-splitting style.
Reposted by Jack
"Teeth-whitening strips were on sale at Costco, so I went ahead and ordered you five boxes."
Your AI Assistant or Your Mother?
1. Relive these memories from this day seven years ago. 2. Make sure you pack an umbrella, it looks like it might rain this afternoon. 3. I’d leave...
buff.ly
June 4, 2025 at 3:21 PM
"Teeth-whitening strips were on sale at Costco, so I went ahead and ordered you five boxes."
Shameless self-promotion. Not really zen, but that fleeting dopamine rush is so much better than healthcare
"Repeat this mantra as your prescription is denied on religious grounds: Everyone dies. Everyone dies. Everyone dies. Let the liberals weep, for you are free and clear, though not in the medical sense, of course."
The Zen of Dying Quietly, and Other Teachings by Senator Joni Ernst
“Republican Sen. Joni Ernst faced a number of agitated constituents at a town hall on Friday who expressed concerns that the Republicans’ cuts to M...
buff.ly
June 2, 2025 at 3:39 PM
Shameless self-promotion. Not really zen, but that fleeting dopamine rush is so much better than healthcare
Picture yourself. Standing in a cemetery. Doubling down on telling people that dying early from preventable causes is all part of God's great plan.
www.mcsweeneys.net/articles/the...
www.mcsweeneys.net/articles/the...
The Zen of Dying Quietly, and Other Teachings by Senator Joni Ernst
“Republican Sen. Joni Ernst faced a number of agitated constituents at a town hall on Friday who expressed concerns that the Republicans’ cuts to M...
www.mcsweeneys.net
June 2, 2025 at 1:35 PM
Picture yourself. Standing in a cemetery. Doubling down on telling people that dying early from preventable causes is all part of God's great plan.
www.mcsweeneys.net/articles/the...
www.mcsweeneys.net/articles/the...
I emerge from the cold Bluesky depths to post a shameless plug.
"Sometimes the cure doesn’t feel like a cure. Sometimes the medicine doesn’t feel like healing. Sometimes it feels like 52,310 long tons of British steel smooching an iceberg that wants what's good for you."
“This Will Be Good for You”: A Few Words from the Iceberg That Sank the Titanic
“President Donald Trump’s sweeping tariff plans hammered global financial markets and U.S. stocks braced for more turmoil on Monday, after he warne...
www.mcsweeneys.net
April 8, 2025 at 6:58 PM
I emerge from the cold Bluesky depths to post a shameless plug.
Many, many years ago now. But this was one of the first books to “unlock” creative writing for me. Plus, I’ve always loved @stephenking.bsky.social short stories.
November 16, 2024 at 5:14 PM
Many, many years ago now. But this was one of the first books to “unlock” creative writing for me. Plus, I’ve always loved @stephenking.bsky.social short stories.
The Absurdity of Animals
November 16, 2024 at 3:21 PM
The Absurdity of Animals
“Finding the perfect tree”
November 16, 2024 at 3:13 PM
“Finding the perfect tree”