You're still posting, so you obviously didn't contemplatively throw your cell phone into the sea. Amateur.

But it will keep running on the rims while sparks burn everything down around it.

He's headed toward a VH1 reality show called "Ka$h Out 4 Luv" or something similar.

Kevlar by Oshkosh b'Gosh

Master Roskin? Roison?

Careful. If you laugh your ass off the area could get infected and then you'd need a doctor, which will still cost you money even with your outrageously expensive insurance. Or AI could deny your coverage and then you'd go bankrupt paying off your medical bill for laughing your ass off.

Gianmarco had a massive penis. Ten inches around and one inch long. Like a hockey puck, it was. Also like a hockey puck, it was black and batted around by everyone in the NHL.

Thank you for not censoring his full name. He doesn't deserve it.

I wonder what it's like to not be autistic. To look at a row of similarly-colored baubles or a geopolitical map from 1914 and not care at all? Bizarre.

I could tell my autism to go somewhere, but it would ask where and start listing all of the nations and all of their capitals.

Stephen Miller: "They have a slogan, sir! What will we do?"
Trump, shaking: "Oh my god. We're doomed. Why oh why did they pick a slogan?! I'M MELTING!"

"He's wide open for the easy layup to win the championship and...he hands the ball to the other team while apologizing? I don't know about this strategy, Bill."

"Am I the one with the bad tagline? No, it's the majority who don't understand the value of centrist appeasement."

You feel that floor under your feet? That's a strong balsa-wood composite. And the ceiling? Hell no, we took off the roof and now it rains and snows in our living room. But don't worry, the balsa-wood flooring will hold up under the weather. We promise. Please give us five dollars.

A two-second check of AAA gas prices will show that Oklahoma has the lowest price at $2.41. Relatively close to 2, I guess, but by that metric I could say that Kevin Hassett is relatively close to being a genius because he has an IQ of 95.

Cheryl: 57 points? That's cute.

Why even cancel it except to be cruel?

A spouse. You're looking for a spouse.