Jesus and Butthead
@jesus-and-butthead.bsky.social
I work at a record store, I'm a former member of Dr. Jekyll & Mr. Rogers, and now I like to stay home and write. Formerly known as DJ Fart Ghost.
Just my brain garbage https://bsky.app/profile/did:plc:icwmuvffuts3iaugroxwqjl7/feed/aaajnaptz5uk2
Just my brain garbage https://bsky.app/profile/did:plc:icwmuvffuts3iaugroxwqjl7/feed/aaajnaptz5uk2
Pinned
Sorry, I'm not going to subscribe to your onlyfans. I don't even subscribe to my mom's.
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I considered learning the saxophone. Then I realized the only thing more tragic than a sad, sixty-two-year-old man is a sad, sixty-two-year-old man forcing his neighbours to listen to him learn "Careless Whisper."
December 7, 2025 at 2:23 PM
I considered learning the saxophone. Then I realized the only thing more tragic than a sad, sixty-two-year-old man is a sad, sixty-two-year-old man forcing his neighbours to listen to him learn "Careless Whisper."
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something to the effect of having to put it together… in order to make an Ikea joke
December 6, 2025 at 1:35 AM
something to the effect of having to put it together… in order to make an Ikea joke
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I wonder if Santa still has a cigarette lighter in his sled
December 6, 2025 at 2:50 AM
I wonder if Santa still has a cigarette lighter in his sled
Don't follow the voices in your head to a second location.
December 6, 2025 at 3:56 AM
Don't follow the voices in your head to a second location.
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I thought I was having a deja vu but I think I just kept having the same dumb idea
December 6, 2025 at 2:25 AM
I thought I was having a deja vu but I think I just kept having the same dumb idea
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the maintenance, check engine and tire pressure lights came on at the same time so my truck is now in holiday mode
December 5, 2025 at 2:54 PM
the maintenance, check engine and tire pressure lights came on at the same time so my truck is now in holiday mode
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What is truth? Anyone can say anything now and it’s true. I’m Charlton Heston.
December 5, 2025 at 2:21 PM
What is truth? Anyone can say anything now and it’s true. I’m Charlton Heston.
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didn’t understand why the toothpaste didn’t work until I realized the top was still on the tube in case you’re looking for someone to figure shit out
December 5, 2025 at 1:42 PM
didn’t understand why the toothpaste didn’t work until I realized the top was still on the tube in case you’re looking for someone to figure shit out
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Cool thing about onboarding younger coworkers is you can do their whole orientation in a Snagglepuss voice. And they have no idea, even!
December 5, 2025 at 3:27 AM
Cool thing about onboarding younger coworkers is you can do their whole orientation in a Snagglepuss voice. And they have no idea, even!
I said something stupid 7 minutes ago. Where were you?
December 4, 2025 at 10:30 PM
I said something stupid 7 minutes ago. Where were you?
They really need to bring hemorrhoid commercials back.
December 4, 2025 at 2:46 PM
They really need to bring hemorrhoid commercials back.
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got a soda in my stocking from fanta claus
December 3, 2025 at 3:13 PM
got a soda in my stocking from fanta claus
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What do you call a retired miner?
Doug.
Doug.
December 2, 2025 at 8:31 PM
What do you call a retired miner?
Doug.
Doug.
Watching the dog show replay. I just want to make sure I'm watching the day they all turn on their masters.
November 27, 2025 at 10:25 PM
Watching the dog show replay. I just want to make sure I'm watching the day they all turn on their masters.
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We need to start a Handsgiving because I’m a handful come on people get it trending
November 27, 2025 at 3:34 PM
We need to start a Handsgiving because I’m a handful come on people get it trending
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One minute the night before Thanksgiving i’m drinking beer out of a shoe at hometown bar w HS friends the next i’m plucking chin hairs & hoping my gravy won’t be lumpy
November 26, 2025 at 11:27 PM
One minute the night before Thanksgiving i’m drinking beer out of a shoe at hometown bar w HS friends the next i’m plucking chin hairs & hoping my gravy won’t be lumpy
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People who stand at the dryer to fold their laundry: who hurt you??
November 25, 2025 at 1:53 PM
People who stand at the dryer to fold their laundry: who hurt you??
I haven't really posted in awhile. I got to see what Bluesky life would be like if I wasn't around.
It's like George Bailey discovered everyone was better off without him, so he returned out of spite.
It's like George Bailey discovered everyone was better off without him, so he returned out of spite.
November 25, 2025 at 3:39 AM
I haven't really posted in awhile. I got to see what Bluesky life would be like if I wasn't around.
It's like George Bailey discovered everyone was better off without him, so he returned out of spite.
It's like George Bailey discovered everyone was better off without him, so he returned out of spite.
Reposted by Jesus and Butthead
Helped my neighbor bury an old rug last night…her boyfriend would have helped her, but he had to go out of town unexpectedly 🤷🏻♀️
November 22, 2025 at 2:48 PM
Helped my neighbor bury an old rug last night…her boyfriend would have helped her, but he had to go out of town unexpectedly 🤷🏻♀️
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If I didn’t reply to your comment it’s because it got buried in my notifications
If you didn’t reply to my comment it’s because you hate me
If you didn’t reply to my comment it’s because you hate me
November 21, 2025 at 3:40 AM
If I didn’t reply to your comment it’s because it got buried in my notifications
If you didn’t reply to my comment it’s because you hate me
If you didn’t reply to my comment it’s because you hate me
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There's gotta be more to life than doom scrolling and working. This just ain't it.
November 21, 2025 at 4:07 AM
There's gotta be more to life than doom scrolling and working. This just ain't it.
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If we're not making pennies anymore, what's going to happen to everyone who steals copper wire and pipes for the government?
November 20, 2025 at 5:57 PM
If we're not making pennies anymore, what's going to happen to everyone who steals copper wire and pipes for the government?
I just realized that I dress a lot like one of the counselors from the original Friday the 13th film.
November 20, 2025 at 5:52 PM
I just realized that I dress a lot like one of the counselors from the original Friday the 13th film.
He never called Jeffrey Epstein late at night. He was talking to Jake from State Farm.
It's in the files, you'll see.
It's in the files, you'll see.
November 20, 2025 at 5:23 PM
He never called Jeffrey Epstein late at night. He was talking to Jake from State Farm.
It's in the files, you'll see.
It's in the files, you'll see.