John Learned
@johnlearned.bsky.social
A charming man of leisure. Seen on WIRED, USGamer, Kotaku, Polygon, etc. Annotates games on YouTube. Jason Statham looks like me
john dot learned at gmail dot com
john dot learned at gmail dot com
I don't know how or why, but my 10yo has a sticker of Joe Biden eating ice cream on her school computer
November 26, 2025 at 7:25 PM
I don't know how or why, but my 10yo has a sticker of Joe Biden eating ice cream on her school computer
35. Cadash
I love me an arcade RPG. A little weird and janky, and it gets bullshitty about halfway through, but a cool game nonetheless
I love me an arcade RPG. A little weird and janky, and it gets bullshitty about halfway through, but a cool game nonetheless
November 26, 2025 at 2:54 PM
35. Cadash
I love me an arcade RPG. A little weird and janky, and it gets bullshitty about halfway through, but a cool game nonetheless
I love me an arcade RPG. A little weird and janky, and it gets bullshitty about halfway through, but a cool game nonetheless
36. Hagane
Lucky enough to rent this at a kid's sleepover. Never saw it again until emulation, but I guess there was a reason for that. To me, it's a good NES Ninja Gaiden successor
Lucky enough to rent this at a kid's sleepover. Never saw it again until emulation, but I guess there was a reason for that. To me, it's a good NES Ninja Gaiden successor
November 25, 2025 at 3:00 PM
36. Hagane
Lucky enough to rent this at a kid's sleepover. Never saw it again until emulation, but I guess there was a reason for that. To me, it's a good NES Ninja Gaiden successor
Lucky enough to rent this at a kid's sleepover. Never saw it again until emulation, but I guess there was a reason for that. To me, it's a good NES Ninja Gaiden successor
37. Gate of Thunder
Sure, Lords is a cooler concept with a great aesthetic, but this is a much more palatable game. Super fun to pick up and play and not feeling forced to memorize everything about it
Sure, Lords is a cooler concept with a great aesthetic, but this is a much more palatable game. Super fun to pick up and play and not feeling forced to memorize everything about it
November 24, 2025 at 3:24 PM
37. Gate of Thunder
Sure, Lords is a cooler concept with a great aesthetic, but this is a much more palatable game. Super fun to pick up and play and not feeling forced to memorize everything about it
Sure, Lords is a cooler concept with a great aesthetic, but this is a much more palatable game. Super fun to pick up and play and not feeling forced to memorize everything about it
38. Firepower 2000
I once got into a fist fight after school. My nose bloody and my face all mushy, I looked at the friend I was walking home with and said hey, man. Can we just got to your place and play your new Super Nintendo game? He was the tank. I was the helicopter
I once got into a fist fight after school. My nose bloody and my face all mushy, I looked at the friend I was walking home with and said hey, man. Can we just got to your place and play your new Super Nintendo game? He was the tank. I was the helicopter
November 24, 2025 at 3:14 PM
38. Firepower 2000
I once got into a fist fight after school. My nose bloody and my face all mushy, I looked at the friend I was walking home with and said hey, man. Can we just got to your place and play your new Super Nintendo game? He was the tank. I was the helicopter
I once got into a fist fight after school. My nose bloody and my face all mushy, I looked at the friend I was walking home with and said hey, man. Can we just got to your place and play your new Super Nintendo game? He was the tank. I was the helicopter
39. Castlevania IV
Not my favorite by miles, but even low-tier Castlevania is still good on certain levels. Respect for taking a swing at new directions
Not my favorite by miles, but even low-tier Castlevania is still good on certain levels. Respect for taking a swing at new directions
November 24, 2025 at 3:06 PM
39. Castlevania IV
Not my favorite by miles, but even low-tier Castlevania is still good on certain levels. Respect for taking a swing at new directions
Not my favorite by miles, but even low-tier Castlevania is still good on certain levels. Respect for taking a swing at new directions
40. Comix Zone
Very cool ideas locked in a stupidly, obnoxiously hard game. I love that Sega seemed to give up on its design immediately but will re-release it every chance it gets
Very cool ideas locked in a stupidly, obnoxiously hard game. I love that Sega seemed to give up on its design immediately but will re-release it every chance it gets
November 24, 2025 at 3:02 PM
40. Comix Zone
Very cool ideas locked in a stupidly, obnoxiously hard game. I love that Sega seemed to give up on its design immediately but will re-release it every chance it gets
Very cool ideas locked in a stupidly, obnoxiously hard game. I love that Sega seemed to give up on its design immediately but will re-release it every chance it gets
Over here fuckin getting it
November 24, 2025 at 1:02 AM
Over here fuckin getting it
41. Kingdom Hearts: Chain of Memories
I once worked a shitty data entry gig. I was the youngest on staff by far, and always got my stack done faster than my colleagues. One day, I decide to put a GBA emulator on my work computer and then waste whole afternoons with this very meh game. Don't do this
I once worked a shitty data entry gig. I was the youngest on staff by far, and always got my stack done faster than my colleagues. One day, I decide to put a GBA emulator on my work computer and then waste whole afternoons with this very meh game. Don't do this
November 20, 2025 at 3:11 PM
41. Kingdom Hearts: Chain of Memories
I once worked a shitty data entry gig. I was the youngest on staff by far, and always got my stack done faster than my colleagues. One day, I decide to put a GBA emulator on my work computer and then waste whole afternoons with this very meh game. Don't do this
I once worked a shitty data entry gig. I was the youngest on staff by far, and always got my stack done faster than my colleagues. One day, I decide to put a GBA emulator on my work computer and then waste whole afternoons with this very meh game. Don't do this
42. Metroid
I don't really love playing Metroid, and I don't think I ever did, but I definitely remember it being one of those games that rewired my brain a bit as a kid having come from things like SMB or Kung Fu or whatever. Still love the starkness
I don't really love playing Metroid, and I don't think I ever did, but I definitely remember it being one of those games that rewired my brain a bit as a kid having come from things like SMB or Kung Fu or whatever. Still love the starkness
November 19, 2025 at 8:26 PM
42. Metroid
I don't really love playing Metroid, and I don't think I ever did, but I definitely remember it being one of those games that rewired my brain a bit as a kid having come from things like SMB or Kung Fu or whatever. Still love the starkness
I don't really love playing Metroid, and I don't think I ever did, but I definitely remember it being one of those games that rewired my brain a bit as a kid having come from things like SMB or Kung Fu or whatever. Still love the starkness
43. Taiko Drum Master
Please remember to put your drink down first
Please remember to put your drink down first
November 19, 2025 at 8:12 PM
43. Taiko Drum Master
Please remember to put your drink down first
Please remember to put your drink down first
44. TMNT NES
It is what it is. The marketing worked on me
It is what it is. The marketing worked on me
November 17, 2025 at 7:09 PM
44. TMNT NES
It is what it is. The marketing worked on me
It is what it is. The marketing worked on me
45. Golden Axe
This is going to sound cruel and barbaric, but hopping on a dragon and cooking those little elf guys is weirdly satisfying to me. Also this game still looks and plays great, but come on. You know I'm right
This is going to sound cruel and barbaric, but hopping on a dragon and cooking those little elf guys is weirdly satisfying to me. Also this game still looks and plays great, but come on. You know I'm right
November 17, 2025 at 7:08 PM
45. Golden Axe
This is going to sound cruel and barbaric, but hopping on a dragon and cooking those little elf guys is weirdly satisfying to me. Also this game still looks and plays great, but come on. You know I'm right
This is going to sound cruel and barbaric, but hopping on a dragon and cooking those little elf guys is weirdly satisfying to me. Also this game still looks and plays great, but come on. You know I'm right
46. Frogger
The Apple II version is the one I played the most, but this is one of those games that I always belly up to in a barcade if it's there, if only for a second
The Apple II version is the one I played the most, but this is one of those games that I always belly up to in a barcade if it's there, if only for a second
November 17, 2025 at 7:01 PM
46. Frogger
The Apple II version is the one I played the most, but this is one of those games that I always belly up to in a barcade if it's there, if only for a second
The Apple II version is the one I played the most, but this is one of those games that I always belly up to in a barcade if it's there, if only for a second
47. Super Smash Bros. Melee
Once got snowed in during my college years for 3 days. My buddies and I saw this as an opportunity and unlocked everything in Melee like we were freelancing a guide. I've never eaten more doughnuts in my life
Once got snowed in during my college years for 3 days. My buddies and I saw this as an opportunity and unlocked everything in Melee like we were freelancing a guide. I've never eaten more doughnuts in my life
November 14, 2025 at 7:33 PM
47. Super Smash Bros. Melee
Once got snowed in during my college years for 3 days. My buddies and I saw this as an opportunity and unlocked everything in Melee like we were freelancing a guide. I've never eaten more doughnuts in my life
Once got snowed in during my college years for 3 days. My buddies and I saw this as an opportunity and unlocked everything in Melee like we were freelancing a guide. I've never eaten more doughnuts in my life
48. Metroid Prime
I used to get horrible motion sickness playing 1st person games, but I suffered through it to enjoy this one. After moving to a new city, this was an early roommate bonding experience (def a coincidence that this is coming up today)
I used to get horrible motion sickness playing 1st person games, but I suffered through it to enjoy this one. After moving to a new city, this was an early roommate bonding experience (def a coincidence that this is coming up today)
November 14, 2025 at 7:30 PM
48. Metroid Prime
I used to get horrible motion sickness playing 1st person games, but I suffered through it to enjoy this one. After moving to a new city, this was an early roommate bonding experience (def a coincidence that this is coming up today)
I used to get horrible motion sickness playing 1st person games, but I suffered through it to enjoy this one. After moving to a new city, this was an early roommate bonding experience (def a coincidence that this is coming up today)
49. El Shaddai
Sometimes, vibes are enough
Sometimes, vibes are enough
November 12, 2025 at 7:47 PM
49. El Shaddai
Sometimes, vibes are enough
Sometimes, vibes are enough
50. Saiyuki: The Journey West
This game had so much going for it, but it is an absolute drag to play. Whenever I peak over at my PS1 games, I see it and get the urge to play it and then remember that one battle will take 14 hours. Fix this game, modders
This game had so much going for it, but it is an absolute drag to play. Whenever I peak over at my PS1 games, I see it and get the urge to play it and then remember that one battle will take 14 hours. Fix this game, modders
November 11, 2025 at 2:56 PM
50. Saiyuki: The Journey West
This game had so much going for it, but it is an absolute drag to play. Whenever I peak over at my PS1 games, I see it and get the urge to play it and then remember that one battle will take 14 hours. Fix this game, modders
This game had so much going for it, but it is an absolute drag to play. Whenever I peak over at my PS1 games, I see it and get the urge to play it and then remember that one battle will take 14 hours. Fix this game, modders
51. Street Fighter X Tekken
This is a tough one. I hate the aesthetic, but still love what Capcom did with the Tekken cast. I hate the gems (as do we all), but love how Capcom evolved the game to be competitive without them. I hated playing it, but now I miss playing it
This is a tough one. I hate the aesthetic, but still love what Capcom did with the Tekken cast. I hate the gems (as do we all), but love how Capcom evolved the game to be competitive without them. I hated playing it, but now I miss playing it
November 11, 2025 at 2:50 PM
51. Street Fighter X Tekken
This is a tough one. I hate the aesthetic, but still love what Capcom did with the Tekken cast. I hate the gems (as do we all), but love how Capcom evolved the game to be competitive without them. I hated playing it, but now I miss playing it
This is a tough one. I hate the aesthetic, but still love what Capcom did with the Tekken cast. I hate the gems (as do we all), but love how Capcom evolved the game to be competitive without them. I hated playing it, but now I miss playing it
52. Strider NES
The older I got, the more I realized that this isn't a good game, but still. There's a cool factor to this that other games of its era lacked
The older I got, the more I realized that this isn't a good game, but still. There's a cool factor to this that other games of its era lacked
November 11, 2025 at 2:44 PM
52. Strider NES
The older I got, the more I realized that this isn't a good game, but still. There's a cool factor to this that other games of its era lacked
The older I got, the more I realized that this isn't a good game, but still. There's a cool factor to this that other games of its era lacked
53. Zelda: Link Between Worlds
This sure is a good video game
This sure is a good video game
November 11, 2025 at 2:41 PM
53. Zelda: Link Between Worlds
This sure is a good video game
This sure is a good video game
54. Street Fighter Alpha 2
I like this game for one thing only: trying to get conversational dialog between characters during arcade mode. Ultimately, this is stupid because it's so hard to do for so little payoff. In practice, it's what your teenage years are made for
I like this game for one thing only: trying to get conversational dialog between characters during arcade mode. Ultimately, this is stupid because it's so hard to do for so little payoff. In practice, it's what your teenage years are made for
November 11, 2025 at 2:39 PM
54. Street Fighter Alpha 2
I like this game for one thing only: trying to get conversational dialog between characters during arcade mode. Ultimately, this is stupid because it's so hard to do for so little payoff. In practice, it's what your teenage years are made for
I like this game for one thing only: trying to get conversational dialog between characters during arcade mode. Ultimately, this is stupid because it's so hard to do for so little payoff. In practice, it's what your teenage years are made for
55. Castle of Dragon
This is, uh, not a good game. But I found it hauntingly weird as a kid. Haven't played it in a while, but it's one of those games that I just can't ditch from my collection. We've all got our things, I guess
This is, uh, not a good game. But I found it hauntingly weird as a kid. Haven't played it in a while, but it's one of those games that I just can't ditch from my collection. We've all got our things, I guess
November 6, 2025 at 2:53 PM
55. Castle of Dragon
This is, uh, not a good game. But I found it hauntingly weird as a kid. Haven't played it in a while, but it's one of those games that I just can't ditch from my collection. We've all got our things, I guess
This is, uh, not a good game. But I found it hauntingly weird as a kid. Haven't played it in a while, but it's one of those games that I just can't ditch from my collection. We've all got our things, I guess
56. House of the Dead: Overkill
I laugh like an idiot playing this game. I'm also about 99.95% sure that the VO guy for Bar Rescue is in the cast, which is even funnier to me
I laugh like an idiot playing this game. I'm also about 99.95% sure that the VO guy for Bar Rescue is in the cast, which is even funnier to me
November 6, 2025 at 2:42 PM
56. House of the Dead: Overkill
I laugh like an idiot playing this game. I'm also about 99.95% sure that the VO guy for Bar Rescue is in the cast, which is even funnier to me
I laugh like an idiot playing this game. I'm also about 99.95% sure that the VO guy for Bar Rescue is in the cast, which is even funnier to me
