My rule is that if I ever bought a physical copy I allow myself to pirate a digital version without guilt when it's inaccessible. I'm not flying back to the UK to root around boxes in my parents' garage just because I want to read Night Watch for the 18th time.

Back when I was writing romance I published several novellas that easily outsold most of the books on the list, but they didn't consider self published titles for inclusion. Still a little pissed off that I can't describe myself as an NYT bestseller.

If I were asked for a gift of any sort for a wedding I'm not invited to I'd donate my eternal absence from the bride and groom's lives.

I'll dismantle your argument word by word while complimenting the excellent shirt in your profile pic, just to make the pain extra confusing.

I’ve been using it in my novels for 15 years. Those same novels that were stolen to teach AI how to write. Money, pleeeeeease.

I don’t know, I quite like first-day-back-in-a-while day. It’s nice knowing you’ll get your form back after just a couple of sessions.

Hey, what’s a leg day? Not familiar with that term. Is it new?

The occasional one is tolerable :) But yeah, I have three or four friends - grown ass men in their 40s - who each send me a dozen memes a day. Like, I’m on social media. I already know where to find the jokes.

[Speaks into voice recorder] Business idea: Palliatit Care

Addendum: my ex-wife waking me up with a call at 9AM with instructions to run across town and submit some urgent immigration paperwork. Today has been a long month.

Rolling my sleeves up extra high since the laser surgery. I need to make up the difference.

Sitting here in Mongolia eating my khuushuur, though always careful to feel slightly ashamed as I chew because Chinggis Khan was a prolific rapist.