I'm "private" too when it comes to my relationships and figuring out problems together but no one ever asked me how I feel. 🤷‍♂️ Guess it somehow magically trumps the other. It's really hard not to feel lied to. Ppl are fine protecting *their* relationships, just not the ones that I had.

Even if I do, making personal art and professional art are not one in the same at all. I can still enjoy it as a hobby and something I used to express myself or my interests. I know I can.

And that's something I just... I guess have t worked hard enough yet at getting rid of that mentality or giving it a big fuck you in the face because I'm not going to let that last shred of perfectionism take something so important away. I don't need to have massive goals to pursue something

Sometimes the missing feeling is because I want to, or because I know I had recent goals for it but it's almost like it's not real if it's not 'good.' it doesn't 'count.'

Maybe this still is school burnout and I forgive that but how do I get back to thinking of the kinda of art I would like to make and enjoy. Everything has shifted so much & I can't picture point A to point B but experimenting is somewhere I can get, even w/ setup/teardown, even just for an hour

It's like *it* died. It's like my desire for it died. It's like a part of me died and I feel this way any time I'm not able to write or make art. Something is just always missing, but never because I 'enjoy' it, because I'm *supposed to?* Because I'm an artist? As if it's a contract