Not the cops
@notthecops.bsky.social
the name’s self explanatory.
The Onion is the fake New York Times and McSweeny’s is the fake New Yorker
December 2, 2025 at 9:50 PM
The Onion is the fake New York Times and McSweeny’s is the fake New Yorker
billionaires really will do anything except pay their taxes 😐
BREAKING: Michael and Susan Dell of $DELL will give 25 million American children $250 each to jumpstart an investment account for their futures
December 2, 2025 at 8:25 PM
billionaires really will do anything except pay their taxes 😐
Reposted by Not the cops
I wrote about the dirty, demeaning, absolutely booming business of turning something like a shitty bigoted college essay into a shitty public career as a bigot, and also estimated how old Marine Todd would be today. defector.com/the-conserva...
The Conservative Grievance Business Is Always Hiring | Defector
Given his age when he first came to the world’s attention and assuming continued good health in the intervening decade and change, Marine Todd would be in his late 30s today. That would be if he was a...
defector.com
December 2, 2025 at 2:43 PM
I wrote about the dirty, demeaning, absolutely booming business of turning something like a shitty bigoted college essay into a shitty public career as a bigot, and also estimated how old Marine Todd would be today. defector.com/the-conserva...
being a millennial is really embarrassing most of the time
(I’m feeling like I’m profound for being the first person to ever discover aging is sometimes unpleasant)
(I’m feeling like I’m profound for being the first person to ever discover aging is sometimes unpleasant)
December 2, 2025 at 3:46 AM
being a millennial is really embarrassing most of the time
(I’m feeling like I’m profound for being the first person to ever discover aging is sometimes unpleasant)
(I’m feeling like I’m profound for being the first person to ever discover aging is sometimes unpleasant)
this blueprint was designed by an AI that was exclusively trained on Dr. Seuss and MC Escher
December 1, 2025 at 11:10 PM
this blueprint was designed by an AI that was exclusively trained on Dr. Seuss and MC Escher
I got what for me is a lot of new followers over the holiday weekend (like 50?) so, hello! I noticed more than a few of you have “retired” listed in your bios, and I gotta tell you I’m jealous.
December 1, 2025 at 10:00 PM
I got what for me is a lot of new followers over the holiday weekend (like 50?) so, hello! I noticed more than a few of you have “retired” listed in your bios, and I gotta tell you I’m jealous.
so does anybody know why Pete Hegseth isn’t being charged with war crimes? like I know the *actual* reason, but I mean how are they justifying this to the papers?
December 1, 2025 at 9:53 PM
so does anybody know why Pete Hegseth isn’t being charged with war crimes? like I know the *actual* reason, but I mean how are they justifying this to the papers?
Reposted by Not the cops
I received an "F" on my dental school paper for writing "the tooth fairy takes 'em while you sleep" and now I'm suing the school for religious discrimination
December 1, 2025 at 6:48 PM
I received an "F" on my dental school paper for writing "the tooth fairy takes 'em while you sleep" and now I'm suing the school for religious discrimination
Reposted by Not the cops
i’m genuinely so convinced all of this has been a planned operation by the student and her mother (who is commenting on this publicly, and associated closely with the republican party), and big far right propaganda account going all in on it. this is designed to oust trans people from public life
December 1, 2025 at 6:09 PM
i’m genuinely so convinced all of this has been a planned operation by the student and her mother (who is commenting on this publicly, and associated closely with the republican party), and big far right propaganda account going all in on it. this is designed to oust trans people from public life
I’m sorry- actually you know what? I’m not sorry- that girl from Oklahoma wrote a dog shit essay and she deserved to get an F. Like what are the people trying to defend her or condemn the professor even talking about?
December 1, 2025 at 5:47 PM
I’m sorry- actually you know what? I’m not sorry- that girl from Oklahoma wrote a dog shit essay and she deserved to get an F. Like what are the people trying to defend her or condemn the professor even talking about?
I named my fists Tim and Eric because what they’re about to do to you isn’t gonna be funny 😤
December 1, 2025 at 3:04 PM
I named my fists Tim and Eric because what they’re about to do to you isn’t gonna be funny 😤
Reposted by Not the cops
College Student Is Deported During Trip Home for Thanksgiving
www.nytimes.com
December 1, 2025 at 1:46 PM
I was looking at this map of which animal is the biggest (by weight) in each state and at first I was confused why Ohio’s was the black bear. Bc if you’ve ever seen one irl- they’re really not very big. But I think it’s probably bc as soon as we showed up here we killed anything bigger than it.
December 1, 2025 at 1:05 PM
I was looking at this map of which animal is the biggest (by weight) in each state and at first I was confused why Ohio’s was the black bear. Bc if you’ve ever seen one irl- they’re really not very big. But I think it’s probably bc as soon as we showed up here we killed anything bigger than it.
okay, I’ll bite- so who is this “yuri” person everybody keeps talking about?
December 1, 2025 at 2:28 AM
okay, I’ll bite- so who is this “yuri” person everybody keeps talking about?
maybe this was just a regional thing, but I feel like every shopping mall when I was growing up used to have a weird knife store in the back someplace that never had anybody shopping in it.
rip weird knife store 😢
rip weird knife store 😢
November 30, 2025 at 11:16 PM
maybe this was just a regional thing, but I feel like every shopping mall when I was growing up used to have a weird knife store in the back someplace that never had anybody shopping in it.
rip weird knife store 😢
rip weird knife store 😢
Reposted by Not the cops
(pulling up the ladder behind me) This is an opportunity for you to succeed through hard work and determination
December 3, 2024 at 4:26 PM
(pulling up the ladder behind me) This is an opportunity for you to succeed through hard work and determination
Reposted by Not the cops
Republican U.S. Rep. Troy Nehls of Texas announced that he will retire from Congress after his term ends in 2026 to focus on family.
Republican U.S. Rep. Troy Nehls of Texas says he will retire in 2026
U.S. Rep. Troy Nehls says he will retire from Congress after his term ends in 2026 to focus on family.
bit.ly
November 30, 2025 at 10:30 AM
Republican U.S. Rep. Troy Nehls of Texas announced that he will retire from Congress after his term ends in 2026 to focus on family.
Reposted by Not the cops
I am challenging The Grinch to a debate
November 30, 2025 at 2:19 AM
I am challenging The Grinch to a debate
okay, so Sarah Hurwitz is going off on another pretty crazy rant here, but the craziest part is in the last 2 seconds. Like just when you think she can't say anything worse... it's like Sarah... are you sure you want to be saying that last part on camera as a former white house staffer?
November 29, 2025 at 8:43 PM
okay, so Sarah Hurwitz is going off on another pretty crazy rant here, but the craziest part is in the last 2 seconds. Like just when you think she can't say anything worse... it's like Sarah... are you sure you want to be saying that last part on camera as a former white house staffer?
gonna go ride my bike to go run some errands, but I thought I’d take a second to show off this ridiculously overpowered headlamp I rigged up for my messenger bag. These two pictures were taken 2 seconds apart, the only difference is I turned my light on lol 😇
November 29, 2025 at 5:38 PM
gonna go ride my bike to go run some errands, but I thought I’d take a second to show off this ridiculously overpowered headlamp I rigged up for my messenger bag. These two pictures were taken 2 seconds apart, the only difference is I turned my light on lol 😇
Future’s so bright, I gotta wear shades 😎
Tomorrow Grimes will DJ a livestream of immortality influencer Bryan Johnson tripping on shrooms to determine its effect on longevity. Mr. Beast and the CEO of Salesforce will be there too.
Grimes DJing Immortality Influencer's Shroom Trip With Special Guest Mr. Beast
Grimes is a fan of Bryan Johnson, the multimillionaire and immortality influencer who spends his time trying to fight death. He is perhaps best known for undergoing plasma transfusions with donations ...
stereogum.com
November 29, 2025 at 5:02 PM
Future’s so bright, I gotta wear shades 😎
that kind of reminds me of this time like 10 years ago I found a thread about 9/11 on reddit where everybody was going around saying where there were and what they were doing on September 11th and this one guy and me had the exact same story
I was on tiktok and a girl was lip syncing to a song I used to like and the caption was “the choke hold this song had on me when I was 11”
…I was 23 🥲
…I was 23 🥲
November 29, 2025 at 4:50 PM
that kind of reminds me of this time like 10 years ago I found a thread about 9/11 on reddit where everybody was going around saying where there were and what they were doing on September 11th and this one guy and me had the exact same story
thank god Israel doesn’t have any nuclear weapons because if they did we would have to cut all economic ties to them and sanction them like we do dangerous terrorist states like Venezuela and Cuba
November 29, 2025 at 1:17 PM
thank god Israel doesn’t have any nuclear weapons because if they did we would have to cut all economic ties to them and sanction them like we do dangerous terrorist states like Venezuela and Cuba
the funny part about people that use AI to write all their academic papers for them is the strong overlap you find of “guy that’s too stupid to write his own paper so he uses AI” and also, “guy that’s too stupid to check to see if there aren’t any gigantic glaring errors on the literal cover”
"Runctitiononal features"? "Medical fymblal"? "1 Tol Line storee"? This gets worse the longer you look at it. But it's got to be good, because it was published in Nature Scientific Reports last week: www.nature.com/articles/s41... h/t @asa.tsbalans.se
November 29, 2025 at 9:19 AM
the funny part about people that use AI to write all their academic papers for them is the strong overlap you find of “guy that’s too stupid to write his own paper so he uses AI” and also, “guy that’s too stupid to check to see if there aren’t any gigantic glaring errors on the literal cover”