Okay but why not…….. try anyway?
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It's Black Friday, a big day for us at The Onion, since we rely almost entirely on your memberships.
Our goal for 2026? More print subscribers than the Washington Post.
This is, somehow, feasible.
So sign up! A year of print is $75 for the year today. Help us do a very funny thing.
CALLING YOURSELVES AMERICANS IS THE MOST IMPERIALISTIC THING YOU CAN THINK OF
how can you people not see such an obvious thing?
This next hire will tell you everything you need to know about the club's ambitions.
Will owners allow Jeff Agoos & Front Office to spend big on a head coach, if that's the path they choose?
substack.com/inbox/post/1...
substack.com/inbox/post/1...
That means as soon as it arrives from the House, it automatically passes the Senate (with no amendments) and heads to the President’s desk.
Wow.
Well
Well
“Trump is jamming through a bill that rips away health care, closes hospitals, raises grocery and utility bills to give tax breaks to billionaires.” - Sen Warren
“Trump is jamming through a bill that rips away health care, closes hospitals, raises grocery and utility bills to give tax breaks to billionaires.” - Sen Warren
- Cover up of his involvement in notorious sex trafficking ring
- Unprecedented corruption, self enrichment
- Tariffs are historic, unprecedented abuse of power
- Illegal desecration of most important global symbol of American democracy
- Cover up of his involvement in notorious sex trafficking ring
- Unprecedented corruption, self enrichment
- Tariffs are historic, unprecedented abuse of power
- Illegal desecration of most important global symbol of American democracy
He denied when I asked wouldn’t that create two-tiered system where sick pay much more…
I don’t know how we’ve gotten to the point where men in full balaclavas can abduct daycare teachers while they’re watching children.
But I do know that this isn’t sustainable. Abolish ICE. There is no way to reform this.
I don’t know how we’ve gotten to the point where men in full balaclavas can abduct daycare teachers while they’re watching children.
But I do know that this isn’t sustainable. Abolish ICE. There is no way to reform this.
Border Patrol agent Gregory Lairmore is on the stand narrating surveillance video of the sammie toss.
'Now he’s struck me with the sandwich,' Lairmore says.
Border Patrol agent Gregory Lairmore is on the stand narrating surveillance video of the sammie toss.
'Now he’s struck me with the sandwich,' Lairmore says.
The entire conservative judicial machine *depends* on conservative state attorney generals.
John Roberts can’t take a case asking to destroy voting rights if a state attorney generals doesn’t bring it.
The entire conservative judicial machine *depends* on conservative state attorney generals.
John Roberts can’t take a case asking to destroy voting rights if a state attorney generals doesn’t bring it.
Not hyperbole: Jamaica is facing a generational catastrophic event.
Not hyperbole: Jamaica is facing a generational catastrophic event.