Sean Patrick
@seanptellsjokes.bsky.social
I don’t know what your opinion is of European newspapers like Le Monde and Die Welt, but they mean the world to me.
https://youtu.be/a7TrgcHupo0?si=x84By3r1pec4o-KT
https://youtu.be/a7TrgcHupo0?si=x84By3r1pec4o-KT
I’m fed up of toxic masculinity and gender stereotypes ruining everything.
It’s not gay for a man to hold hands with another man.
Unless it’s to maintain your balance while you suck his cock in a field at night.
That IS a bit gay TBF.
It’s not gay for a man to hold hands with another man.
Unless it’s to maintain your balance while you suck his cock in a field at night.
That IS a bit gay TBF.
November 29, 2025 at 12:38 AM
I’m fed up of toxic masculinity and gender stereotypes ruining everything.
It’s not gay for a man to hold hands with another man.
Unless it’s to maintain your balance while you suck his cock in a field at night.
That IS a bit gay TBF.
It’s not gay for a man to hold hands with another man.
Unless it’s to maintain your balance while you suck his cock in a field at night.
That IS a bit gay TBF.
“If I said you had a beautiful body would you hold it against me? If I said you were an angel would you treat me like the devil tonight?”
“Sean. SEAN. He doesn’t understand. He’s a dog.”
“Sean. SEAN. He doesn’t understand. He’s a dog.”
November 28, 2025 at 12:36 AM
“If I said you had a beautiful body would you hold it against me? If I said you were an angel would you treat me like the devil tonight?”
“Sean. SEAN. He doesn’t understand. He’s a dog.”
“Sean. SEAN. He doesn’t understand. He’s a dog.”
Frankincense is actually the name of the king, not the perfume.
November 26, 2025 at 8:35 AM
Frankincense is actually the name of the king, not the perfume.
1492, the Bahamas:
Columbus: "hey, excuse me, sir - is this Japan?"
Local: "nope."
Columbus: "oh, well, this is strange. India?"
Local: "nope."
Columbus: "my apologies sir. I'll be in my way. Oh - just one more thing ..."
Columbus: "hey, excuse me, sir - is this Japan?"
Local: "nope."
Columbus: "oh, well, this is strange. India?"
Local: "nope."
Columbus: "my apologies sir. I'll be in my way. Oh - just one more thing ..."
November 25, 2025 at 10:14 AM
1492, the Bahamas:
Columbus: "hey, excuse me, sir - is this Japan?"
Local: "nope."
Columbus: "oh, well, this is strange. India?"
Local: "nope."
Columbus: "my apologies sir. I'll be in my way. Oh - just one more thing ..."
Columbus: "hey, excuse me, sir - is this Japan?"
Local: "nope."
Columbus: "oh, well, this is strange. India?"
Local: "nope."
Columbus: "my apologies sir. I'll be in my way. Oh - just one more thing ..."
If you press a shell to your ear you will hear someone telling you to leave the Imperial War Museum.
November 25, 2025 at 9:59 AM
If you press a shell to your ear you will hear someone telling you to leave the Imperial War Museum.
I like my whisky how I like my men - consumed with guilt in the closet.
November 23, 2025 at 12:20 AM
I like my whisky how I like my men - consumed with guilt in the closet.
You know when some comics say, “I identify as an attack helicopter ha ha ha”?
Do you think if they identified as someone who knew some fucking jokes it would improve their act?
Do you think if they identified as someone who knew some fucking jokes it would improve their act?
November 23, 2025 at 12:19 AM
You know when some comics say, “I identify as an attack helicopter ha ha ha”?
Do you think if they identified as someone who knew some fucking jokes it would improve their act?
Do you think if they identified as someone who knew some fucking jokes it would improve their act?
“The night I met my wife, there was a spark between us.”
“How do you mean?”
“We had a threesome with an electrician.”
“How do you mean?”
“We had a threesome with an electrician.”
November 21, 2025 at 11:28 PM
“The night I met my wife, there was a spark between us.”
“How do you mean?”
“We had a threesome with an electrician.”
“How do you mean?”
“We had a threesome with an electrician.”
Magpies - one for sorrow; two for joy; three for a girl; four thousand for a Hitchcock film.
November 21, 2025 at 1:11 PM
Magpies - one for sorrow; two for joy; three for a girl; four thousand for a Hitchcock film.
When's WHITE Friday, though?
November 21, 2025 at 1:05 PM
When's WHITE Friday, though?
What’s worse than finding Inspector Gadget in your apple?
Finding Inspector Gadget’s extending robot cock in your apple.
Finding Inspector Gadget’s extending robot cock in your apple.
November 20, 2025 at 1:14 AM
What’s worse than finding Inspector Gadget in your apple?
Finding Inspector Gadget’s extending robot cock in your apple.
Finding Inspector Gadget’s extending robot cock in your apple.
They say that the longest journey starts with a single step.
And that’s the story of how my uncle drowned during his first triathlon.
And that’s the story of how my uncle drowned during his first triathlon.
November 19, 2025 at 12:09 AM
They say that the longest journey starts with a single step.
And that’s the story of how my uncle drowned during his first triathlon.
And that’s the story of how my uncle drowned during his first triathlon.
Watching Howard's End on BBC1. Bit slow moving as remakes go - 15 mins in and still no sign of the boatyard.
November 19, 2025 at 12:09 AM
Watching Howard's End on BBC1. Bit slow moving as remakes go - 15 mins in and still no sign of the boatyard.
By far the most reasonably priced of all the handmaids was Offpeak.
November 19, 2025 at 12:05 AM
By far the most reasonably priced of all the handmaids was Offpeak.
When I was 12 I got picked on at school and my granddad said, “Sean, don’t stand for this. All bullies are cowards. You find out where that boy lives and you burn his house to the ground and you laugh at his screams.” And I said, “granddad, you died when I was 8. Is this really you talking?”
November 19, 2025 at 12:04 AM
When I was 12 I got picked on at school and my granddad said, “Sean, don’t stand for this. All bullies are cowards. You find out where that boy lives and you burn his house to the ground and you laugh at his screams.” And I said, “granddad, you died when I was 8. Is this really you talking?”
Only 20 bullshit days left till “you can’t even say Christmas anymore, it’s happy holidays in case you offend the Islams”
November 18, 2025 at 4:26 PM
Only 20 bullshit days left till “you can’t even say Christmas anymore, it’s happy holidays in case you offend the Islams”
#USUKCultureClash 1 - Grandmaster Flash And The Famous Five
November 18, 2025 at 4:24 PM
#USUKCultureClash 1 - Grandmaster Flash And The Famous Five
Just been watching a Nietzsche-themed porn film on PornHub set in a nunnery, and it turns out it’s true - if you stare into the abbess, the abbess stares back at you.
November 18, 2025 at 3:55 PM
Just been watching a Nietzsche-themed porn film on PornHub set in a nunnery, and it turns out it’s true - if you stare into the abbess, the abbess stares back at you.
If ever you want an illustration of the difference between Protestantism and Catholicism, compare William Tell’s son with Carmen Miranda.
November 18, 2025 at 12:49 PM
If ever you want an illustration of the difference between Protestantism and Catholicism, compare William Tell’s son with Carmen Miranda.
“No man ever steps in the same stream twice - because paddling is GAY.”
Homophobus
Homophobus
November 17, 2025 at 1:18 AM
“No man ever steps in the same stream twice - because paddling is GAY.”
Homophobus
Homophobus
« Soon we’ll be hearing the pitter patter of tiny feet. »
« Oh my god - you’re pregnant! »
« No, I’ve bought a tap dancing dwarf. »
« Oh my god - you’re pregnant! »
« No, I’ve bought a tap dancing dwarf. »
November 16, 2025 at 4:28 AM
« Soon we’ll be hearing the pitter patter of tiny feet. »
« Oh my god - you’re pregnant! »
« No, I’ve bought a tap dancing dwarf. »
« Oh my god - you’re pregnant! »
« No, I’ve bought a tap dancing dwarf. »
Sometimes I see a pretty girl, far too pretty for me, and I think to myself, "Ask her out! What have you got to lose?"
And the answer is always the same.
Hope.
And the answer is always the same.
Hope.
November 16, 2025 at 2:58 AM
Sometimes I see a pretty girl, far too pretty for me, and I think to myself, "Ask her out! What have you got to lose?"
And the answer is always the same.
Hope.
And the answer is always the same.
Hope.
For some, the lyric “chestnuts roasting on an open fire” evokes good times and happiness, but for me it brings back dark memories.
That’s what happens when your childhood home was a treehouse.
In a chestnut tree.
That’s what happens when your childhood home was a treehouse.
In a chestnut tree.
November 16, 2025 at 2:54 AM
For some, the lyric “chestnuts roasting on an open fire” evokes good times and happiness, but for me it brings back dark memories.
That’s what happens when your childhood home was a treehouse.
In a chestnut tree.
That’s what happens when your childhood home was a treehouse.
In a chestnut tree.
Evolution is bollocks. If natural selection was real, tigers and zebras would have markings going along their body so that, when they stood on their back legs, the stripes would be vertical, thus making them look slimmer and more attractive to potential mates.
November 16, 2025 at 2:41 AM
Evolution is bollocks. If natural selection was real, tigers and zebras would have markings going along their body so that, when they stood on their back legs, the stripes would be vertical, thus making them look slimmer and more attractive to potential mates.
Sex is like riding a bike.
I'm not very good at it.
I'm not very good at it.
November 13, 2025 at 12:06 AM
Sex is like riding a bike.
I'm not very good at it.
I'm not very good at it.