Lightnews — Scholar-powered news

Kav @shilpa.bsky.social · 3h

there’s a bug on my whatsapp restricted to just one friend where every time she sends me a message it replies with a photo of me with an england flag

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Reposted by Kav

Techpriest @techpriest.bsky.social · 5h

Question: How to get Keir Starmer to look the most normal he has ever looked in high office

Answer: Shah Rukh Khan and Kajol

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Kav @shilpa.bsky.social · 6h

left: keir starmer winning the election and becoming the first labour prime minister in 14 years

right: keir starmer watches his first bollywood clip

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Kav @shilpa.bsky.social · 6h

in absolute tears at this. i’ve never seen keir starmer so happy and genuine before. while being forced to watch ddlj, a bollywood film from 1996

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Kav @shilpa.bsky.social · 1d

charlie and the chocolate factory but with charlie (kurtan) instead of charlie

Kav @shilpa.bsky.social · 1d

charlie and the chocolate factory remake but with granda joe from instead of grandpa joe

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Kav @shilpa.bsky.social · 2d

my low stakes conspiracy theory is mounjaro and wegovy get huge media coverage because streeting is using it to test demand for a privatised nhs. every time you order a jab online you provide data to streeting to prove his privitisation case x

Kav @shilpa.bsky.social · 5d

baddie mccann

Kav @shilpa.bsky.social · 6d

why have i never attempted to be a paneer influencer. please be influenced by me i am an authority on paneer

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Kav @shilpa.bsky.social · 6d

i ordered the dominos paneer pizza and im afraid to say it’s delicious. it’s a throwback to the pizzas id get in india. i recommend it thank you

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Kav @shilpa.bsky.social · 8d

low stakes conspiracy: britain is becoming purposely shit for younger people in order to tackle net migration numbers and brain drain everyone with the chance in to leaving

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Kav @shilpa.bsky.social · 8d

idea for a bit: walking the streets of london holding a phone and then the phone gets stolen but the thief realises it’s not a phone, it was cake all along

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Kav @shilpa.bsky.social · 9d

this is btw a common issue in indian mum facebook groups. safeguarding isn’t really a thing back home so women will regularly post about how they love children and want to go help at an orphanage but no one will let them. it’ll be a nightmare explaining this to people from less nonce coded cultures

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Kav @shilpa.bsky.social · 9d

i can foresee community centres being absolutely overwhelmed with randos turning up to volunteer for their ilr and an exhausted safeguarding officer having to explain dbs checks and how “you can’t just walk in saying you like children and want to help some out for your immigration status”

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Kav @shilpa.bsky.social · 9d

indefinite leave to remain in the uk but solely for jehovahs witnesses who flog magazines at you outside the station

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Kav @shilpa.bsky.social · 9d

what even counts as voluntary work. like if you’re helping out at an extremely conservative church or cult to stop women have access to abortions does that count as voluntary service?

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Kav @shilpa.bsky.social · 9d

this is some real suella braverman shit honestly. increasingly just think you should never trust a brown politician cos they’re all going to eventually sell their mums for a ministerial blow job

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Kav @shilpa.bsky.social · 9d

shabana mahmoods announcement for getting ilr is a criteria that so few brits will meet (no benefits, no criminal record, proof of volunteering) indicating a long term conspiracy theory by mahmood to replace native brits with christians

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Kav @shilpa.bsky.social · 11d

no hindutvas on here so i won’t get cancelled: i do not understand garba at all. i enjoy dancing but i don’t get why they lose the plot over it. the music is shit and it’s basically just a sober ceilidh. at least the scots lubricate you for their organised fun

Kav @shilpa.bsky.social · 13d

rip ming campbell, i was absolutely shocked to hear you were still alive and only 84. you have given me the faith to believe in the mandela effect

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Kav @shilpa.bsky.social · 14d

the most underrated joke in ba**ds of bollywood is “bharat ka tyre filmfast awards” one of my favourite obsessions is how bizarre indian advertising and brand endorsements are and a tyre company sponsoring the awards is just so on brand it’s killing me

Kav @shilpa.bsky.social · 14d

should hold a funeral for those guys. do feel bad for cameron despite like destroying the country, he did genuinely try to reform his party and it lasted a grand total of 6 years due to his own actions

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Kav @shilpa.bsky.social · 14d

also what happened to the wokey tories? there used to be a bunch of tories who were opposed to fascism and i swear i haven’t heard a peep from them in years

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Kav @shilpa.bsky.social · 14d

fwiw - the uk’s facism is a actually a tiny proportion of my rising anxiety and fear to survive as a brown woman. the uk is phenomenally less racist to indian people compared to other countries in the west. which is the seed of all of my spiralling anxiety. this is basically the best it will be

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Kav @shilpa.bsky.social · 14d

just had s flashback to when the worst thing the government did to minorities was theresa may’s “go home” vans and everyone was outraged about it. then theresa may became the most progressive tory choice and one of the least racist prime ministers of the last 15 years.

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